Typhoo that's a wonderful post, well said. Wolverhampton you won't be a perfect dad, but if you love your child and partner, do your best for them and being there for them and yes, them being there for you, then THAT WILL DO. I'm happy to speak for all the fathers on this board when I say we all struggled, had doubt, and frankly got things wrong. I certainly did. Do your best Wolverhampton, care and love the people close to you, that's all you can do, but I promise, it's good enough.
Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues
- Thread starter Groucho
- Start date
BluePaul86
Player Valuation: £10m
I managed to get Friday off work and was able to get to hers and spent the weekend with her. It was tough, but I was able to provide her with some comfort, I held her whilst she cried and listened as she poured her heart out. We spent time with her family, cooked together and played with her nephews. I felt terrible leaving her last night but know she's also got amazing family around her. Thank you for asking.
Bryan+
Player Valuation: £40m
Hey. Thank you. Just to be clear here. I’m already seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist(?) (not sure if that is different from former here)and a neurologist. I hope it helps. I volunteer already, and I find it incredibly helpful as you would expect. I do it every to help, not primarily to feel good about myself but it’s a great unintentional benefit.
Thank you for you very kind and insightful words. I really appreciate it.
Cake
Player Valuation: £15m
Everton in the Community - Everton in the Community To Host Mental Health World Cup At Goodison Park
Goodison Park will play host to annual tournament.
www.evertoninthecommunity.org
Moggers
Player Valuation: £6m
I don't post in here much, a few times after my Mum & Dad died (which helped immensely and reading advice in here then) although I do check regularly to see how everyone is doing.
I haven't in the main suffered chronically with my mental health previously, although I had an bad episode of anxiety / depression a few years back, I was going to see the doctor anyway and let it all out then, weirdly it felt easier than the first step today though, because I was already seeing the Doctor about something else.
Anyway recently, I started losing interest in a lot of things (footy as well which is annoying when we have won!) effort brushing my teeth, emptied the dishwasher and felt like I had climbed everest etc..., I'm quite an active person but lost all interest in walking / gym etc... (although I do still force myself to go even on short walks) lately been getting tearful which I don't normally do, sleeping in as long as possible, whereas a while back I would be up at the crack of dawn to do my 11 miles! All the usual red flags!
I know thinking like this is nonsense as depression doesn't discriminate, but I feel so guilty as everything is 'great' in my life, great wife, kids, family, friends - Put off going the Doctors trying to justify it "it's just coz it's winter / wfh too much... etc etc..." although I do think these are contributory factors. So although my life is great my heads not, so I'm going to 'try' not to beat myself up over that.
Anyway, today I went for a health check, 2 birds one stone type of thing, as the first step and really let it all out to the nurse, more than I expected. I felt so much better after it and now booked in to see GP / mental health nurse for next steps.
Although, of course I know this is not the magic bullet / moment of clarity where everything will be 'ok' again, this is the best I have felt for weeks letting it out today and making that first step, for anyone struggling, I know its tough but make that appointment today.
Will keep posted how I get on.
I haven't in the main suffered chronically with my mental health previously, although I had an bad episode of anxiety / depression a few years back, I was going to see the doctor anyway and let it all out then, weirdly it felt easier than the first step today though, because I was already seeing the Doctor about something else.
Anyway recently, I started losing interest in a lot of things (footy as well which is annoying when we have won!) effort brushing my teeth, emptied the dishwasher and felt like I had climbed everest etc..., I'm quite an active person but lost all interest in walking / gym etc... (although I do still force myself to go even on short walks) lately been getting tearful which I don't normally do, sleeping in as long as possible, whereas a while back I would be up at the crack of dawn to do my 11 miles! All the usual red flags!
I know thinking like this is nonsense as depression doesn't discriminate, but I feel so guilty as everything is 'great' in my life, great wife, kids, family, friends - Put off going the Doctors trying to justify it "it's just coz it's winter / wfh too much... etc etc..." although I do think these are contributory factors. So although my life is great my heads not, so I'm going to 'try' not to beat myself up over that.
Anyway, today I went for a health check, 2 birds one stone type of thing, as the first step and really let it all out to the nurse, more than I expected. I felt so much better after it and now booked in to see GP / mental health nurse for next steps.
Although, of course I know this is not the magic bullet / moment of clarity where everything will be 'ok' again, this is the best I have felt for weeks letting it out today and making that first step, for anyone struggling, I know its tough but make that appointment today.
Will keep posted how I get on.
Great post mate.
You’ve just described depression perfectly in the third paragraph - losing interest in everything that previously made you tick over.
It’s great that you recognised it and whether by design or default did something about it too
Moggers
Player Valuation: £6m
Thanks a lot mate.Great post mate.
You’ve just described depression perfectly in the third paragraph - losing interest in everything that previously made you tick over.
It’s great that you recognised it and whether by design or default did something about it too
Yeah that's the worst thing, I got excited about Overpaying the mortgage not long ago! It's the kids I feel soooo guilty on, I know I shouldn't and doing the right thing now, but it just goes over and over in your head. In a weird way, I'm sort of glad I have experienced it before, I honestly thought that was it last time and that would be the 'new me' - Since then I've had some of my happiest moments (and saddest of course, but got through them!)
I know its a cliché but actually talking and just telling people how you feel is so, so powerful, again I know its not a magic bullet today, but even if it's a few hours respite / less acute feeling then it's all welcome!
And while I've got you mate, just to say some fantastic advice in here from yourself, you have helped so many people. Nice one.
It really is great this thread.
Coming on here to initially all those years ago, was a big part in getting myself better again and by default I was able to reach out to others and keep on doing so.
Like you, I now I’m able to recognise when I’m starting to slip again and that gives you a really big head start in stopping things from spiralling, which is a massive part of the battle
Only just seeing this now sorry so my reply may seem pointless. My partner who is 53 was brought up by her mum and her mum’s partner, basically 2 mums. On the 17th December her mum’s partner sadly passed away. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 14 years ago but was well for a very long time, unfortunately the past 8 months she had deteriorated rapidly, to the point where she needed more care than any of us could provide so she had to go into a home in November. When she passed there was a huge feeling of grief, mixed with other emotions such as guilt as she had passed away only 3 weeks after going into a home, but also a relief if that’s the right word, that she wasn’t in the home for long and she didn’t suffer. All I could do was be there for my partner and try to be as supportive as I could.
Three weeks after her stepmum passed away her aunt (her mum’s sister) had a fall at home and had to go to hospital, they scanned her and discovered she had multiple tumours in her lungs and brain, she too sadly passsed away 6 days later. Again, all I could do was be as supportive as I could for her and be there when she needed me.
The final twist in this horrific 4 week period culminated with my own father suffering a stroke last Thursday, this is his 2nd stroke, the first being 20 years ago, thankfully its not as severe as his first stroke and has only affected his right leg, but he is having daily physio and is improving every day, now able to shufffle short distances with a frame. Now my partner has been supporting me and my siblings.
I think what I’m trying to say is that in a relationship we will rely on and seek assurance from our loved ones, I guess our role then is to listen, comfort and just be there for each other. I hope your partner is beginning to feel better slowly too x
COYBL25, further to your "Third paragraph ......." reference. Losing interest, no longer enjoying the things in your life that used to give you pleasure is called "Anhedonia ". I used to tell my students it's one of the first symptoms of someone experiencing depression. A corroboration that things aren't right. People often recognise it early. " I used to enjoy going swimming " or " going for a walk used to lift my mood, it doesn't anymore ".Great post mate.
You’ve just described depression perfectly in the third paragraph - losing interest in everything that previously made you tick over.
It’s great that you recognised it and whether by design or default did something about it too
Just a little red flag for folk who think it may be significant in your mental health deterioration. There's no think in it. It is. Those little things that bring us a little pleasure, allow us to reflect and think that life itself isn't THAT bad. Been thinking about a good example and this one springs to mind.
The young lady who has put on a few pounds and a visit to the gym lifts her mood . The benefits of excercise many of use are aware of come to the fore. So she goes to the gym and while she knows she is a little out of shape the act of going to the gym - at least she feels good she is addressing her lack of self esteem. She feels good about how she feels when she leaves, she trying and that makes her feel good. Anhedonia manifests itself in her no longer feeling that " at least she is trying ". Now when she goes to the gym, she doesn't enjoy it anymore, because rather that her praising herself for going to the gym, now she doesn't feel good because the gym just reminds her of how s**t she feels about herself.
I need "something " in my life that gives me pleasure, that makes me contented and comforted. A nice expensive cigar, a lovely hot meal, when you've helped people. So yes, I know I've been a little round the doors but IT IS A RED FLAG when we aren't getting any happiness in life, especially when they used to lift our mood. Think, how do I turn things around, how can I work towards identifying where and why my mood has changed. My advice, be pro active to stop things worsening, rather that reactionary, as by then the "damage" has been done.
I do hope this makes sense. Take care all.
dachshund
Player Valuation: £8m
Tomorrow's what's supposed to be the last exam of my Master's.
Due to ADHD brain and complete lack of interest in the lecture's theme I'm not comfortably prepared and am very much in panic mode as failing would cost me quite some time as I need the credits to be able to hand in my thesis and defend it.
Will try to get some sleep now, get up at 5 and then cram like a maniac. Exam's at 9.
Wish me luck.
Due to ADHD brain and complete lack of interest in the lecture's theme I'm not comfortably prepared and am very much in panic mode as failing would cost me quite some time as I need the credits to be able to hand in my thesis and defend it.
Will try to get some sleep now, get up at 5 and then cram like a maniac. Exam's at 9.
Wish me luck.
Best of luck mate!
Good luck with the exam mate.
