J: “What?”
P: “That thing – there’s a word for it – where people say you can’t have a pop at one group unless you have a pop at all the others.”
J: “Oh, whataboutery, you mean?”
P: “Yes. That’s it. Does my head in. So I can’t say footballers should donate their wages without making a [Poor language removed] long list of all the others in society who also should? [Poor language removed] off, mate, eh?”
J: “We get it a lot when writing about almost everything. ‘You’ve written about this but what about that?’ Like I can’t write about anything unless I write about everything.”
P: “I don’t know how you do your job. The ignorant pricks would really wind me up.”
J: “Ha! At least I don’t get 30,000 people telling me to [Poor language removed] off on a Saturday afternoon. Just to pull this back to the wages situation, why do you think footballers should be giving away all their wages? 100%. A lot of people will think that’s extreme.”
P: (groans) Look, look, players get the majority of money that comes into the club, don’t they? Most of the turnover of every club goes on wages. So if we’re not going to sort it out, who the [Poor language removed] is? The lad who sells pizza on matchdays? [Poor language removed] off. No football fans should be finding excuses for footballers at this level. I don’t understand why they do that. It’s like they’re sticking up for us for some reason. [Poor language removed] off you creep, y’know? Eurgh. I hate those people who go on social media and say [Poor language removed] like ‘players have got a right to earn all that money’. [Poor language removed] off mate. You know [Poor language removed] all so shut your [Poor language removed] yap. I’ve got a ‘right’ have I? [Poor language removed] off. I’ve no right to earn more than someone who is caring for the dying. What monster would say that? These people who say things like that have lost perspective.”
J: “That’s an interesting idea. Let’s expand a bit on what you mean by losing perspective.”
P: “They don’t really grasp what big money really means in real life. You know that I’ve not taken a wage for nearly three years now. I used to say I’ve donated it to charity, but someone said I’d just ‘invested it in other people’. I like that better. So that’s about £8million, and I’ll be honest, I’ve still got millions in the bank from my career. I’ve taken no money for three years and I’ve wanted for nothing. Every single player could do the same. Imagine how much good we could do with all that money.”
J: “That’s amazing when you really think about it. Giving money away like that.”
P: “It’s not a big thing. It really isn’t, Johnny. When you’re rich, it’s just numbers. I want your readers to think about this in their own lives. Right? Get a perspective on what sort of income top-flight players earn and what it really, really means. Because it’s just cold numbers otherwise, isn’t it? I want them to imagine that they’ve bought a nice big house that cost £1million and it’s paid for in full. You and your wife have got a BMW series 5 and a Land Rover Sport. Over £100,000 worth of cars. Imagine that. I bought all of that a few years ago when I was on bigger money than I am now with just 20 weeks’ wages and bonuses. OK, I’m not bragging or showing off, you know that, I’m just saying how it is. I get free physio and medical care. Free gym. Even free trackies and trainers.
“So imagine you’re me. What are you going to do with £50,000 every single week of the year once you’ve got all that? Tell me? What? OK, you need clothes, a suit maybe, nice shoes. What’s the cost per year for those? Even if it was £30,000 – and I don’t see how it could be – you’ve still got £170,000 left from your first month’s wages.
“Bills for food and lecky and gas are piddling. What the hell can anyone spend £200,000 a month on? And I’m well below average in my pay. Imagine getting half a million or a million in your account per month? What people don’t seem to understand is that when you’ve loads of money, almost nothing seems expensive. Do you get me, Johnny? Nothing. It’s just a number. Any of your readers who think they could spend £200,000 per month every month for the next three years is kidding themselves. You can’t. Normal people can’t anyway. If you wanted to buy paintings by Warhol or someone you could shell it out, but the lads don’t do that. My wife says footballers are all normal lads with abnormal money. She’s right.
“So there you are with a big nice house, cars, no debts and the money is piling up. Why not give it away? It’s a no-brainer. Why not help people who have nothing or not enough? No-one deserves all this money, and we’re now not even playing football for it. We’re doing [Poor language removed] all. I just don’t understand why you’d not help less fortunate people. Ask your readers how would they live with themselves having millions in the bank and knowing that millions of people can barely pay their rent or have to use a food bank to feed their kids. You’ve got so much and so many have got so little.”
J: “Well you know what people say, don’t you? We’ve talked about this before. They’d say you’re an elite player who’s paid as such because there are not many really good players. They’ll say you’ve had to be dedicated to the game for most of your life and that it’s a short career, so you have a right to the big money while you can earn it.”
P: “People who say that can [Poor language removed] right off. Short career? I’ll have done 20 years by the time I pack up. Who has a job for 20 years any more? No-one. Yes, I’ve worked hard, but so has my cousin who works in the NHS. She’s pounding the wards 12 hours a day dealing with people who are dying – actually dying. Try telling her that she’s not dedicated her life to it or hasn’t got a special talent. She’ll [Poor language removed] chin you. Meanwhile we’re doing sprints or playing crossbar challenge, with some lads earning more in a day than she’ll earn in a year. You get me? It’s wrong and no-one can tell me it’s not wrong. If you’re defending that situation you’re a muppet. This virus thing has just made it all more obvious for people.”
J: “But people can’t all earn the same money. That’s not how society works.”
P: “It’s not a perfect world, I know that. Never will be. But it doesn’t have to be this bad. The virus has shown all of us how important people who do all the dirty jobs for little money are to everyone. They keep it all running. The gap between rich and poor doesn’t have to be so huge. Those with loads should have a lot less and those who have very little should have a lot more. I don’t know how you go about making that happen, but that’s what we should be aiming at. Meanwhile, people like me have to do their bit and give back what we have undeservedly earned to people who need help. It’s not that mad, is it?”
J: “I don’t think so, no. Wouldn’t it help if I could use your name, though? Then you could set an example.”
P: “I’ve thought a lot about that but I’m [Poor language removed] with words. I’m not a talker really. I don’t want to have to go on TV and talk about it. And you know what’d happen. First people would say I was just bigging myself up. Then the papers would be up my arse trying to prove I was a hypocrite or worse. The tabloids would start making [Poor language removed] up about how I wasn’t as good as my word. Then some lads would think I was weird, they’d not understand what I’m on about, so it’d be bad for the dressing room. On top of that I’d get loads of weirdos wanting money off us for mad ideas. I mean, I fear for the kids as well. Some nutter might kidnap them knowing that I’m loaded and giving away money. You don’t know what could happen. It scares me sometimes. But that’s why when I heard about your book last year I wanted the truth of the situation to be out there, without the hassle that would come with going public.”
J: “I’d not thought about it being dangerous for you and your family.”
P: “Why would you? Wealth [Poor language removed] so many things up. It changes how people treat you. You’re no longer a regular bloke. Being a footballer in the Premier League isn’t a job like any other. If we were paid normal money, life would be much more simple. Better, in fact. Much better.”
J: “OK, so let’s wrap this up with how you think we can go forward with the virus situation suspending…(interrupts)
P: “It’s not complicated, Johnny. Clubs pay non-playing staff wages in full for the duration. The Premier League or whoever has the power, takes the players and directors’ wage bill for three months and donates it to essential workers and the NHS. Six months if it goes on longer. That’s it. Not hard. No fuss and bother. Just do it. The lads will probably be glad to have the pressure taken off them.
Johnny Nic has the ear of an anonymous Premier League player with quite the response to Matt Hancock.
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