Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Disgruntledgoat]

Erm, ok... So I was up at 4am worrying about work. Took one look at my e-mails and started feeling sick and shaking. Then crying.

I'll be back at the doctors on Friday and I think I'll be giving my notice this month. It's taken me 3 hours to calm down enough to even make a list of the things I have to do. There are 26 things on the list. None of them are just "Send that e-mail". I have to attend 3 hours of meetings today as well. There is simply not enough time... I feel like a total failure because I cannot do my job.

 

[cronullasharks]

Erm, ok... So I was up at 4am worrying about work. Took one look at my e-mails and started feeling sick and shaking. Then crying.

I'll be back at the doctors on Friday and I think I'll be giving my notice this month. It's taken me 3 hours to calm down enough to even make a list of the things I have to do. There are 26 things on the list. None of them are just "Send that e-mail". I have to attend 3 hours of meetings today as well. There is simply not enough time... I feel like a total failure because I cannot do my job.

Can you take a few weeks off to recharge the batteries basically or is the job simply at the point where its too far gone for you to ever be positive about it again?

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Can you take a few weeks off to recharge the batteries basically or is the job simply at the point where its too far gone for you to ever be positive about it again?

I had 2 weeks off before we had a 4 week shut down for Covid... I'm as stressed as I was before I got signed off and I don't want to just keep on taking time out. I think I just need to bite the bullet and accept that I can't perform in that role in the state I'm in.

 

[cronullasharks]

I had 2 weeks off before we had a 4 week shut down for Covid... I'm as stressed as I was before I got signed off and I don't want to just keep on taking time out. I think I just need to bite the bullet and accept that I can't perform in that role in the state I'm in.

Just make sure you make the decision when you're feeling calm and rational and not all worked up. Understand you may need to quit the job to get into a better headspace though.

Always here for a chat mate.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Just make sure you make the decision when you're feeling calm and rational and not all worked up. Understand you may need to quit the job to get into a better headspace though.

Always here for a chat mate.

For me, I've been fairly sensible about this. If I wait until the end of the month, I'll get about 3 months pay due to the tax weirdness here. I already asked my union what I would need to do to prove I was quitting because I was too stressed to continue with regards to unemployment payments and I made a doctors appointment for Friday (which is my unemployment day each week) to see if I'm still feeling the same at the end of the week.

 

[cronullasharks]

For me, I've been fairly sensible about this. If I wait until the end of the month, I'll get about 3 months pay due to the tax weirdness here. I already asked my union what I would need to do to prove I was quitting because I was too stressed to continue with regards to unemployment payments and I made a doctors appointment for Friday (which is my unemployment day each week) to see if I'm still feeling the same at the end of the week.

Should never feel physically ill at the thought of going to work so sounds like you're making the correct decision.

 

[Spotty]

Erm, ok... So I was up at 4am worrying about work. Took one look at my e-mails and started feeling sick and shaking. Then crying.

I'll be back at the doctors on Friday and I think I'll be giving my notice this month. It's taken me 3 hours to calm down enough to even make a list of the things I have to do. There are 26 things on the list. None of them are just "Send that e-mail". I have to attend 3 hours of meetings today as well. There is simply not enough time... I feel like a total failure because I cannot do my job.

You're not very well m8. May seem obvious to some but judging by what your saying you have a problems that needs addressing now. Go to see a Dr - if you haven't already - and explain the situation. You are on the way to bring VERY poorly. You should not be crying and you are not sleeping. You've got so much in you're head that you literally can't see the woods for the trees. People are going to I shouldn't be even mentioning this but I am. Have you been having thoughts of harming or killing yourself? In my humble opinion friend you need to empty your head and get help to prioritise to he things that matter. Good mental health equates to good physical health then good self esteem then motivation then being able to go to work then being productive. Look at that list I've just reeled off buddy. Going to work and being productive are at the polar opposite of good mental health. If you don't have peace of mind the house of cards falls. It is THE most important thing you can possess. If I was you're named nurse I would pick you up and take you to see the Dr. Medication as an adjunct - to go alongside - as one therapy. Please don't go to work, talk to loved ones and speak to your GP ASAP. Crying not sleeping and not coping isn't a crisis m8, but isn't far off. No more work son, get help and empty your head. Take care friend.

 

[blue1948]

For me, I've been fairly sensible about this. If I wait until the end of the month, I'll get about 3 months pay due to the tax weirdness here. I already asked my union what I would need to do to prove I was quitting because I was too stressed to continue with regards to unemployment payments and I made a doctors appointment for Friday (which is my unemployment day each week) to see if I'm still feeling the same at the end of the week.

I don't come on here as often as I would like due to my lifestyle but I seem to remember we had a similar conversation a few months ago ,if my memory is correct then you need to stop working in that place as Spotty says .Harsh may be but I think you have the wrong job you are not suited to it or it to you and there is a time that that has to be understood .As Spotty says get some help soon as ,we need you up and running for the charade of the remainder of the season .Please do see someone as you have said before the weekend .Best of luck .

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

I don't come on here as often as I would like due to my lifestyle but I seem to remember we had a similar conversation a few months ago ,if my memory is correct then you need to stop working in that place as Spotty says .Harsh may be but I think you have the wrong job you are not suited to it or it to you and there is a time that that has to be understood .As Spotty says get some help soon as ,we need you up and running for the charade of the remainder of the season .Please do see someone as you have said before the weekend .Best of luck .

You're correct. I was really suffering back at the end of last year. I went to the doctor back in March after really pushing myself to get to an arbitrary date in my head and got signed off for 2 weeks, which was extended to 6 if you include the shutdown from Corona.

I feel a bit better today, but I know that tomorrow (because I have to actually go to the office) I'll feel the same again. It will come back again and again because as long as I'm doing this sort of job I'll react the same way. I suppose acknowledging this is progress of a sort.

When I had that time off, I noticed a few things. The first was how tired I was. I was going to bed at 2230 and getting up 12 hours later. I thought this was just me being a lazy sod when the pressure was off. But I noticed yesterday that after I completed my allotted 8 hours at the working-from-home face, I slept for 2 hours. And I was still tired.

So yeah, I'll go to the doctor on Friday, but whatever the outcome I'll be resigning on the 1st of July. I'll have to work my 3 months notice, but that gives me the time and space to make some changes and do something new (perhaps with some time off from the doctor). The other thing I want him to do is document that I am quitting on health grounds so it doesn't effect my access to unemployment payments. I don't want to drag this out with my employer because it's not fair on my colleagues to have the uncertainty of whether i'm in or out of the company at any given moment.

 

[blue1948]

You're correct. I was really suffering back at the end of last year. I went to the doctor back in March after really pushing myself to get to an arbitrary date in my head and got signed off for 2 weeks, which was extended to 6 if you include the shutdown from Corona.

I feel a bit better today, but I know that tomorrow (because I have to actually go to the office) I'll feel the same again. It will come back again and again because as long as I'm doing this sort of job I'll react the same way. I suppose acknowledging this is progress of a sort.

When I had that time off, I noticed a few things. The first was how tired I was. I was going to bed at 2230 and getting up 12 hours later. I thought this was just me being a lazy sod when the pressure was off. But I noticed yesterday that after I completed my allotted 8 hours at the working-from-home face, I slept for 2 hours. And I was still tired.

So yeah, I'll go to the doctor on Friday, but whatever the outcome I'll be resigning on the 1st of July. I'll have to work my 3 months notice, but that gives me the time and space to make some changes and do something new (perhaps with some time off from the doctor). The other thing I want him to do is document that I am quitting on health grounds so it doesn't effect my access to unemployment payments. I don't want to drag this out with my employer because it's not fair on my colleagues to have the uncertainty of whether i'm in or out of the company at any given moment.

Nice to hear that you felt a bit better and that you are making progress .On the language front are there not companies who have English as their working language as here in Finland ? Good luck with the doctor and I am sure he will help with the documentation as he will not want to make you feel any worse . About the sleep bit ,I don't think many realise that we do it as a defence mechanism as well as rest . Try to relax and be clear with the doctor about the WHOLE situation ,make notes to make sure you tell him everything even the colour of your pee.

 

[Spotty]

You're correct. I was really suffering back at the end of last year. I went to the doctor back in March after really pushing myself to get to an arbitrary date in my head and got signed off for 2 weeks, which was extended to 6 if you include the shutdown from Corona.

I feel a bit better today, but I know that tomorrow (because I have to actually go to the office) I'll feel the same again. It will come back again and again because as long as I'm doing this sort of job I'll react the same way. I suppose acknowledging this is progress of a sort.

When I had that time off, I noticed a few things. The first was how tired I was. I was going to bed at 2230 and getting up 12 hours later. I thought this was just me being a lazy sod when the pressure was off. But I noticed yesterday that after I completed my allotted 8 hours at the working-from-home face, I slept for 2 hours. And I was still tired.

So yeah, I'll go to the doctor on Friday, but whatever the outcome I'll be resigning on the 1st of July. I'll have to work my 3 months notice, but that gives me the time and space to make some changes and do something new (perhaps with some time off from the doctor). The other thing I want him to do is document that I am quitting on health grounds so it doesn't effect my access to unemployment payments. I don't want to drag this out with my employer because it's not fair on my colleagues to have the uncertainty of whether i'm in or out of the company at any given moment.

You sleep a lot because your dream world is so much better than the " real " world.

Nice to hear that you felt a bit better and that you are making progress .On the language front are there not companies who have English as their working language as here in Finland ? Good luck with the doctor and I am sure he will help with the documentation as he will not want to make you feel any worse . About the sleep bit ,I don't think many realise that we do it as a defence mechanism as well as rest . Try to relax and be clear with the doctor about the WHOLE situation ,make notes to make sure you tell him everything even the colour of your pee.

Blue1948 makes a good point on sleep. Obvious really but if you think logically, your " Dreamworld " is far better than the real one. Why depressed people sleep a lot because it's pure escapism - plus some psychotropic meds make you drowsy. Remember that everyone recovers at their own pace and you can't rush it. If your on or have been prescribed medication, it takes 3 - 4 weeks to be therapeutic. Keep well, keep talking to loved ones and I'm sure the peace of mind you crave will come.

 

[dave n]

My 14 year old daughter this week called me a liar. What a massive kick in the teeth.
What is it going to take in the UK for men to actually get some support during divorce? Why do women get just get to destroy you more and more and lie time and time again?

 

[blue1948]

My 14 year old daughter this week called me a liar. What a massive kick in the teeth.
What is it going to take in the UK for men to actually get some support during divorce? Why do women get just get to destroy you more and more and lie time and time again?

Your daughter is only fourteen but that is the time all kids start to think they know it all ,don't worry .After all we all do lie a little ,for many reasons .
The divorce thing really hits home with me ,I built my own house went on holiday ,when I came back she had changed the locks and I was never allowed back inside .My kids had left and she was in a 4 bedroom house alone but the judge said "she has no spare money so she cannot give you any and I am not making her sell " That is a short version but true .She also stopped my youngest from speaking to me .

 

[Stevie wonder]

Brilliant thread

 

[anjelikaferrett]

My 14 year old daughter this week called me a liar. What a massive kick in the teeth.
What is it going to take in the UK for men to actually get some support during divorce? Why do women get just get to destroy you more and more and lie time and time again?

I understand how hurt you feel but your daughter is 14, regardless of how much they think they know it all, she is still a child. She is not an adult woman. I know it's hard but try to remember that when you talk to her.