Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Nymzee

Player Valuation: £70m
Its been awhile since i've posted, but I just need a place to put my thoughts down. My girlfriend broke up with me last year, the relationship just got taken over by me talking about my issues. I was unloading everything onto her and no one else while being distant emotionally and physically. I was numb, didn't feel anything at the time she was telling me she was leaving. And it was entirely justified for her to do that.

Since then I've just been pouring all my time into uni, my work's improved a lot due to that. I've also found that I kind of deal with stress better now that I have no one to talk about it to, just kind of suck it up and go at it. Doesn't sound healthy I know. I've been trying to be more active in helping out my friends with their problems and that's definitely helped though. Gives some perspective on how other people are coping with life.

The main problem I have now is that I've developed feelings for this girl in class. We're often the latest to stay in class to do work and sometimes eat together. We have a mutual friend we're both closer to than each other. I really enjoy talking to her and I always feel really stupidly pleased with myself if I make her laugh. I recognised these feelings coming on pretty early but didn't make much effort to stop them because it gave me something to be cheerful about when everything else seemed down.

I know I'm not used to being out of relationship and I might just be latching onto any sign of a new one to fill the void, that's not fair to put on a friend. Secondly I think we both really just want to concentrate on finishing school and getting a job. Lastly I don't think I would even be considered romantically as she seems pressured by family to focus on marrying someone within her race. Recently I think she might have started to notice I have feelings for her.

I'm starting to come to terms with putting a stop to this but I've been having problems with balancing keeping a distance and still being a friend. Every action I'm overanalysing whether it comes off as interest or being aloof. It's making the "stay in school and grind work" structure I have in my life abit uncomfortable when half the time I'm thinking about her. My head's a mess.

Of course, this might all just be in my head and I'm making things tense for no reason.
I could give you lots of deep advice filled with experience and rationale. However it’s Friday so I’m just going to say:

Life is short, go for what makes you happy.
 

anjelikaferrett

waiting for the resurgence
Its been awhile since i've posted, but I just need a place to put my thoughts down. My girlfriend broke up with me last year, the relationship just got taken over by me talking about my issues. I was unloading everything onto her and no one else while being distant emotionally and physically. I was numb, didn't feel anything at the time she was telling me she was leaving. And it was entirely justified for her to do that.

Since then I've just been pouring all my time into uni, my work's improved a lot due to that. I've also found that I kind of deal with stress better now that I have no one to talk about it to, just kind of suck it up and go at it. Doesn't sound healthy I know. I've been trying to be more active in helping out my friends with their problems and that's definitely helped though. Gives some perspective on how other people are coping with life.

The main problem I have now is that I've developed feelings for this girl in class. We're often the latest to stay in class to do work and sometimes eat together. We have a mutual friend we're both closer to than each other. I really enjoy talking to her and I always feel really stupidly pleased with myself if I make her laugh. I recognised these feelings coming on pretty early but didn't make much effort to stop them because it gave me something to be cheerful about when everything else seemed down.

I know I'm not used to being out of relationship and I might just be latching onto any sign of a new one to fill the void, that's not fair to put on a friend. Secondly I think we both really just want to concentrate on finishing school and getting a job. Lastly I don't think I would even be considered romantically as she seems pressured by family to focus on marrying someone within her race. Recently I think she might have started to notice I have feelings for her.

I'm starting to come to terms with putting a stop to this but I've been having problems with balancing keeping a distance and still being a friend. Every action I'm overanalysing whether it comes off as interest or being aloof. It's making the "stay in school and grind work" structure I have in my life abit uncomfortable when half the time I'm thinking about her. My head's a mess.

Of course, this might all just be in my head and I'm making things tense for no reason.
You're friends. You enjoy each other's company. Don't overthink it. It's nice and probably benefits you both. Have fun.
 

chrismpw

Player Valuation: £70m
Its been awhile since i've posted, but I just need a place to put my thoughts down. My girlfriend broke up with me last year, the relationship just got taken over by me talking about my issues. I was unloading everything onto her and no one else while being distant emotionally and physically. I was numb, didn't feel anything at the time she was telling me she was leaving. And it was entirely justified for her to do that.

Since then I've just been pouring all my time into uni, my work's improved a lot due to that. I've also found that I kind of deal with stress better now that I have no one to talk about it to, just kind of suck it up and go at it. Doesn't sound healthy I know. I've been trying to be more active in helping out my friends with their problems and that's definitely helped though. Gives some perspective on how other people are coping with life.

The main problem I have now is that I've developed feelings for this girl in class. We're often the latest to stay in class to do work and sometimes eat together. We have a mutual friend we're both closer to than each other. I really enjoy talking to her and I always feel really stupidly pleased with myself if I make her laugh. I recognised these feelings coming on pretty early but didn't make much effort to stop them because it gave me something to be cheerful about when everything else seemed down.

I know I'm not used to being out of relationship and I might just be latching onto any sign of a new one to fill the void, that's not fair to put on a friend. Secondly I think we both really just want to concentrate on finishing school and getting a job. Lastly I don't think I would even be considered romantically as she seems pressured by family to focus on marrying someone within her race. Recently I think she might have started to notice I have feelings for her.

I'm starting to come to terms with putting a stop to this but I've been having problems with balancing keeping a distance and still being a friend. Every action I'm overanalysing whether it comes off as interest or being aloof. It's making the "stay in school and grind work" structure I have in my life abit uncomfortable when half the time I'm thinking about her. My head's a mess.

Of course, this might all just be in my head and I'm making things tense for no reason.
You could do worse than just talking to her about your feelings, and just ask her if you're being daft, or could there be something more in it.

There are three routes - do nothing and nothing will come of it, you will drift apart when she finds a life partner; be prepared to speak out and possibly get hurt and maybe damage the friendship before moving on; speak out, she reciprocates and it's potentially happy days.

Question is - decide the outcome you want most and do the actions that will hopefully bring it about. Don't overthink, and don't fear a negative outcome. Just be genuine.

Good luck.
 
First real few days of downtime I’ve had in about 6 months has coincided with my partner being out of town. Absolutely broken in some ways and it seems keeping busy stops me from going mad. Spent 45 minutes curled in a ball on the kitchen floor before. Currently not eating in excess or drinking so two of my usual comforts aren’t there.

She’s back tomorrow, back at work Monday. Everything will be fine.
 

Nymzee

Player Valuation: £70m
First real few days of downtime I’ve had in about 6 months has coincided with my partner being out of town. Absolutely broken in some ways and it seems keeping busy stops me from going mad. Spent 45 minutes curled in a ball on the kitchen floor before. Currently not eating in excess or drinking so two of my usual comforts aren’t there.

She’s back tomorrow, back at work Monday. Everything will be fine.
Can you find any ways to keep yourself busy on weekends such as this?

I wouldn’t think it healthy to rely on work/partner to keep you busy and mentally well.
 
Can you find any ways to keep yourself busy on weekends such as this?

I wouldn’t think it healthy to rely on work/partner to keep you busy and mentally well.
Usually what I do takes up 6/7 days of my week so completely empty weekends (especially when things get cancelled last minute like this weekend) and an empty house is VERY unusual for me. Had plans to go out but they fell through.
 

Frank.

Player Valuation: £70m
Usually what I do takes up 6/7 days of my week so completely empty weekends (especially when things get cancelled last minute like this weekend) and an empty house is VERY unusual for me. Had plans to go out but they fell through.
Chuck the footy on... BBC one and have a drink or two..
 

ChesterBlue

Player Valuation: £2.5m
My girlfriend moved in a week ago, and seems to have massively gone off me over the last 3-4 days. I know she suffers from anxiety so I’m not saying anything to her about it but it’s honestly the most severely depressed I’ve felt in about 3 years. Just feeling like a stranger in my own home has been really tough to take
 

BluePaul86

Player Valuation: £750k
I'm getting depressed just thinking about going the match today. I just hate the experience now. I hate the drive. I hate getting soaked in the walk up to the ground. I hate the atmosphere and grown adults swearing and arguing with each other. But most of all I hate the football, the players + the management. I look forward to being back at home, warm and on my own. Only reason I'll renew is because I go with an elderly family member and don't want to let them down. It shouldn't be like this should it?
 

efcforever

Player Valuation: £8m
My girlfriend moved in a week ago, and seems to have massively gone off me over the last 3-4 days. I know she suffers from anxiety so I’m not saying anything to her about it but it’s honestly the most severely depressed I’ve felt in about 3 years. Just feeling like a stranger in my own home has been really tough to take
Could be that she's just struggling to adjust to her new living arrangements. Give her a few more days and she might come round.
 

ChesterBlue

Player Valuation: £2.5m
Could be that she's just struggling to adjust to her new living arrangements. Give her a few more days and she might come round.
I think so - doesn’t help I’ve only just started a new job last Monday too, and was depressed already. I really just feel a bit lost for the most part though
 

COYBL25

Official GOT Joey Speak Interpreter.
I'm getting depressed just thinking about going the match today. I just hate the experience now. I hate the drive. I hate getting soaked in the walk up to the ground. I hate the atmosphere and grown adults swearing and arguing with each other. But most of all I hate the football, the players + the management. I look forward to being back at home, warm and on my own. Only reason I'll renew is because I go with an elderly family member and don't want to let them down. It shouldn't be like this should it?
Hi mate, if you`re not enjoying it anymore why not try something else with your relative, maybe go and watch a lower league game - Marine, Southport or even go and watch a rugby match - Sale, Wigan / Saints etc.

You could always spin it, as " a break from the norm " as we have nothing to play for ?
 

COYBL25

Official GOT Joey Speak Interpreter.
My girlfriend moved in a week ago, and seems to have massively gone off me over the last 3-4 days. I know she suffers from anxiety so I’m not saying anything to her about it but it’s honestly the most severely depressed I’ve felt in about 3 years. Just feeling like a stranger in my own home has been really tough to take
When my missus moved in with me, I`d lived on my own for nine glorious years mate.

It was my house, with my things in it, set out how I wanted it to be.

The first few months were fractious to say the least, as I was still in the routine of a single man and it was a shock to the system having to think about someone else other than myself.

It`s a period of adjustment for you both mate, as it`s a totally new situation.

Give it time for things to work themselves out and for you both to adjust to the new situation that you find yourselves in.
 

ChesterBlue

Player Valuation: £2.5m
When my missus moved in with me, I`d lived on my own for nine glorious years mate.

It was my house, with my things in it, set out how I wanted it to be.

The first few months were fractious to say the least, as I was still in the routine of a single man and it was a shock to the system having to think about someone else other than myself.

It`s a period of adjustment for you both mate, as it`s a totally new situation.

Give it time for things to work themselves out and for you both to adjust to the new situation that you find yourselves in.
Thanks mate, I appreciate it - nice to know there is light at the end of the tunnel
 

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