I could give you lots of deep advice filled with experience and rationale. However it’s Friday so I’m just going to say:Its been awhile since i've posted, but I just need a place to put my thoughts down. My girlfriend broke up with me last year, the relationship just got taken over by me talking about my issues. I was unloading everything onto her and no one else while being distant emotionally and physically. I was numb, didn't feel anything at the time she was telling me she was leaving. And it was entirely justified for her to do that.
Since then I've just been pouring all my time into uni, my work's improved a lot due to that. I've also found that I kind of deal with stress better now that I have no one to talk about it to, just kind of suck it up and go at it. Doesn't sound healthy I know. I've been trying to be more active in helping out my friends with their problems and that's definitely helped though. Gives some perspective on how other people are coping with life.
The main problem I have now is that I've developed feelings for this girl in class. We're often the latest to stay in class to do work and sometimes eat together. We have a mutual friend we're both closer to than each other. I really enjoy talking to her and I always feel really stupidly pleased with myself if I make her laugh. I recognised these feelings coming on pretty early but didn't make much effort to stop them because it gave me something to be cheerful about when everything else seemed down.
I know I'm not used to being out of relationship and I might just be latching onto any sign of a new one to fill the void, that's not fair to put on a friend. Secondly I think we both really just want to concentrate on finishing school and getting a job. Lastly I don't think I would even be considered romantically as she seems pressured by family to focus on marrying someone within her race. Recently I think she might have started to notice I have feelings for her.
I'm starting to come to terms with putting a stop to this but I've been having problems with balancing keeping a distance and still being a friend. Every action I'm overanalysing whether it comes off as interest or being aloof. It's making the "stay in school and grind work" structure I have in my life abit uncomfortable when half the time I'm thinking about her. My head's a mess.
Of course, this might all just be in my head and I'm making things tense for no reason.
Life is short, go for what makes you happy.