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Welcome to our great club lid. Hope Iceland cleans his locker out good and proper.

Welcome to Everton. My source 'a random headline on Google, says it's ON!

Well done lads, what was it like? Must have been a strange experience?

Haven't seen anything up yet. Any chance of the 5-3 win against Blackpool? Not bad for my grandsons first game.

Since we last won a derby, an absolutely shocking statistic. I remember growing up in the 70's when we didn't win one for 7 years, and was there the day Andy King stopped the rot, in an era when Liverpool had won everything for years. I genuinely can't see where the next one is coming from...

Put all your nickname suggestions in here, and await approval or the full vitriol of your GOT brothers. Let's kick off with the new boys: Delph - 'Sicknote' obviously Iwobi - struggling with this one, Wobes is naff and Iwobe One Kinobi is too long. Gbamin - Gammy lad Kean - we've already got a...

Am I imagining it? But I'm sure broken, stuttering run ups were deemed unsportsmanlike several years ago, and rules were put in place to stop them. Not just yesterday, but loads of players seem to do this now. Were the rule changes scrapped or am I just making it up?

Manure win tonight, and we're one step nearer the trap door. Can't face breakfast, the worst long weekend in our history ffs.

And claim the ITK title of summer 2018. I'll go with: Richarlison (starter for ten) Mina Tierney Loftus Cheek The Batman Mawson I have zero confidence of winning the crown.

I've just aired my views in response to a club survey. I found responding to questions like 'how do you feel the current management team are doing to bring success to the club?' quite liberating. Get your fume in peeps.

We should have moved heaven and earth to keep him. He still has more guile and positional discipline than any of our midfield. Just the player our current position requires. Of all the 30+ year old players we could and should have binned in the summer, we let the only one with any quality go.

Dreadful, can't turn this around.

In the lack of a match thread, apparently our league campaign kicks off tomorrow, but seems to have been forgotten due to a spate of floods caused by excessive seasonal bedwetting. I'll be there cheering on the players we actually have. COYB! PS 3-1

Just had my memory jogged reading the 'old stadiuns' thread. If you were lucky enough to get to the game when you were still in short kecks. How did you get the best view amongst all the big people? I got my dad to knock up a wooden box which I used to carry to the ground, just about managing to...

In T5 top balcony. Only place I could get two tickets together for the Stoke game. Just how bad is the view up there, I've heard you can't see the park end goal!

I've just been reading his in depth analysis for how the 'top six' will finish the season. He's calculated that Arsenal will finish 6th on 65 pts. Given that he's predicted Chelsea will lose at Goodison and Arsenal will lose to us on the last day, that already puts us on 60 pts, needing just 5...

What a whopper ffs.

Lazy I know, but get over it. Anyway Bret Angel Dave Smallman Rod Belfit Stuart Barlow Straq (sorry)

While we're all bored waiting for signings, try forecasting something random for this season. I'll start with - Evertons goal of the season will be scored by Ross Barkley against the darkness, a 30 yarder curled into the top corner at the street end, following a neat one two with Oxlade...

'Just in case I'm still here this time next year, any tips Sam?