The Secret Diary of Aldo Aged 61 1/2
- Thread starter Yarrgh
- Start date
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It’s much, much better than that old tosh.
The special brew's hit Aldo for six last night, obviously...
Diogenes the Cynic
Player Valuation: £40m
Aldo.
Nugget
royalblue66
Player Valuation: £70m
Hahaha how apt.
Blues Harp
Player Valuation: £60m
Alan0401
Player Valuation: £8m
So, so good lol
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £80m
10/04/20
10:00am wake up and see that Gordon Henderson is trying to horn in on my charity racket. Can't even spell his name right the nugget. Eff off. God I feel rough.
11:00am The barometer didn't predict what came out of me then. Feels like Souey's madras has come back to visit. I'm going to have to words with the shop giving me that dodgy batch of special brew again.
12:00. Kenny must have put something about penalties and VAR because some Twitter account from something called stonewall are praising me for my contributions to bringing the game and its attitude into the 21st century. Brilliant stuff and here's me thinking them bitter bloos and mancs were groaning about technology. I tweet them back that I love to use a good gadget to expose the probing of an opponents dodgy back line. Also tell everyone that Jordan is a gosh!he trying to steal the thunder from a real red leg end.
1:00pm What is it with my tweets recently? The twiterrati are going mad about them!
RealSirElton: fantastic and brave but what's this about a concert? My response: Eff of Elton Welsby you blue nugget! Blocked.
CousinsDatingAgencyEgypt: Jordan always stealing thunder from our guys. What do you think of Israel? My response: after that Ronnie Rosenthal blast over the bar from 6 inches? Eff off Israel you bunch of nuggets.
MPJakeReMo: You've created an international incident John. My rsponse: You bitter bloos are always saying we cause trouble abroad when it's dem Chelsea fans. Blocked. Nugget!
2:30pm it's only just over a week off. I'll give John Henry a call to see what we need to do next?
3:00pm Everything's sorted but can I arrange somewhere to stick all the people coming on charter flights from Oslo and Kuala Lumpur. Eff off, dem places ain't real. It's good Friday not April fool's day you daft cockwomble.
4:00pm They're real places and they love the redmen. Bad news, the bitter bloo cryarses have got all the hotels shut due to the Chinese fru. Not even the banjo in Bootle is open.
5:00pm I could stick some in that bully Duncan's pigeon shed. I will pop over to tell him to clear them vicious bast4rds out.
7:00pm I'm gasping for air here. That Duncan legged me and told me he'd stick his boot up were the sun don't shine. Well I've had a barometer up there and it said the sun did sign so laughing at you ya big plank. Mind you I might have to get in shape if I'm playing next week, I'm blowing out me ar5e here like a red midfielder before Klopp sorted them out with his South American fitness tea.
8:00pm Ake said he'll come over tomorrow to train me up whilst our Joan is out. Lovely fella, said he'll be feeling my muscles tomorrow and giving me a good working over.
9:00pm Better get an early night but Elton John and David Furnish call me on Skype. He's been practising and it's "ganna be canny reet." They were interrupted by a "hoose man" so he had to "poonch eet t'moof". No idea what he's on about but he sang rocket man. Fantastic Sir Elton!
10:00pm Brainwave about were to stick the Malaysians! All them empty houses we're gonna knock down. Charge them double and get em in. Text John Henry. He calls back and tells me that with that kind of thinking I could work for FSG. FSG? I can only think he got it wrong and he thinks it's garcon and not waiter - I didn't tell him that Rafael has lost his timber after a non-stop diet of bat in China.
11:00pm Good special brew tonight. Feel on top of the world. Ronny Rosenthal just sent me a text saying I was a jerk. See what effing effect that Jordan Henderson has on people. No wonder the reds just bypass the midfield now with chancers like him in the middle. He's trouble him.
Midnight off to bed. Going to be a busy week.
10:00am wake up and see that Gordon Henderson is trying to horn in on my charity racket. Can't even spell his name right the nugget. Eff off. God I feel rough.
11:00am The barometer didn't predict what came out of me then. Feels like Souey's madras has come back to visit. I'm going to have to words with the shop giving me that dodgy batch of special brew again.
12:00. Kenny must have put something about penalties and VAR because some Twitter account from something called stonewall are praising me for my contributions to bringing the game and its attitude into the 21st century. Brilliant stuff and here's me thinking them bitter bloos and mancs were groaning about technology. I tweet them back that I love to use a good gadget to expose the probing of an opponents dodgy back line. Also tell everyone that Jordan is a gosh!he trying to steal the thunder from a real red leg end.
1:00pm What is it with my tweets recently? The twiterrati are going mad about them!
RealSirElton: fantastic and brave but what's this about a concert? My response: Eff of Elton Welsby you blue nugget! Blocked.
CousinsDatingAgencyEgypt: Jordan always stealing thunder from our guys. What do you think of Israel? My response: after that Ronnie Rosenthal blast over the bar from 6 inches? Eff off Israel you bunch of nuggets.
MPJakeReMo: You've created an international incident John. My rsponse: You bitter bloos are always saying we cause trouble abroad when it's dem Chelsea fans. Blocked. Nugget!
2:30pm it's only just over a week off. I'll give John Henry a call to see what we need to do next?
3:00pm Everything's sorted but can I arrange somewhere to stick all the people coming on charter flights from Oslo and Kuala Lumpur. Eff off, dem places ain't real. It's good Friday not April fool's day you daft cockwomble.
4:00pm They're real places and they love the redmen. Bad news, the bitter bloo cryarses have got all the hotels shut due to the Chinese fru. Not even the banjo in Bootle is open.
5:00pm I could stick some in that bully Duncan's pigeon shed. I will pop over to tell him to clear them vicious bast4rds out.
7:00pm I'm gasping for air here. That Duncan legged me and told me he'd stick his boot up were the sun don't shine. Well I've had a barometer up there and it said the sun did sign so laughing at you ya big plank. Mind you I might have to get in shape if I'm playing next week, I'm blowing out me ar5e here like a red midfielder before Klopp sorted them out with his South American fitness tea.
8:00pm Ake said he'll come over tomorrow to train me up whilst our Joan is out. Lovely fella, said he'll be feeling my muscles tomorrow and giving me a good working over.
9:00pm Better get an early night but Elton John and David Furnish call me on Skype. He's been practising and it's "ganna be canny reet." They were interrupted by a "hoose man" so he had to "poonch eet t'moof". No idea what he's on about but he sang rocket man. Fantastic Sir Elton!
10:00pm Brainwave about were to stick the Malaysians! All them empty houses we're gonna knock down. Charge them double and get em in. Text John Henry. He calls back and tells me that with that kind of thinking I could work for FSG. FSG? I can only think he got it wrong and he thinks it's garcon and not waiter - I didn't tell him that Rafael has lost his timber after a non-stop diet of bat in China.
11:00pm Good special brew tonight. Feel on top of the world. Ronny Rosenthal just sent me a text saying I was a jerk. See what effing effect that Jordan Henderson has on people. No wonder the reds just bypass the midfield now with chancers like him in the middle. He's trouble him.
Midnight off to bed. Going to be a busy week.
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