The Secret Diary of Aldo Aged 61 1/2
- Thread starter Yarrgh
- Start date
- Status
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Tea_drinker
Player Valuation: £15m
He might've borrowed Barnseys kkk mask and be keeping vigil at king Kenny's bedside.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £80m
11/04/20
7:00am Blinding headache. Bet it's dat bitter bloo shopkeeper giving me dodgy ale. I've half a mind to check the best bed or on the cans but remember I threw them out the window to try and shut up them infernal pigeons.
8:00am top tip, train how you play so I've got the full kit on and me boots. Still can't find that shinpad. I'm a key worker, where's my ppe Boris?
9:00am Athlete's breakfast of a full English. Off for a light jog round the estate.
10:00am first 100 m went well, then I passed the corner shop and Spaghetti Legs started whistling the theme tune to Rocky and that prat Djimi was on his micro scooter and chased me down the road shouting when's the fight Rocky. I got dead mad and told him to eff off.
10:15am went passed Kenny's at round the 350m mark. I was sweating like our Joan in a sauna but what happened made my blood run cold and my chocolate star fish pucker up to its pre-barometer size. Bog brush, little Sammy and a whole crowd of people. I slowed down and that crowd turned out just to be Bacon Frame Molby and Whale Ruddock - mind you they were never finely tuned athletes like me.
What's up lads?
Kenny's got covid!
The planks mean the fru of course. How could it happen?
Apparently the thin fat Spanish waiter got Kenny to pick him up from the airport and the soft nugget sneezed all over him whilst eating bat fried rice he brought with him.
10:35 A St. Jordan's ambulance as personally sponsored by red captain Hendo turns up. Thank God for professional footballers not taking a pay cut so we can use their taxes to pay for the NHS.
10:50am As Kenny is driving off in the ambulance, who should walk out but John Henry looking worried. How we going to replace a name Like Kenny in the big Aldofest game? Not good.
11:15am well that run was rubbish and my appetite for match prep is through the floor. Nathan Ale is due anytime. Might just cancel it.
11:45am Ake is here and the look if disappointment is obvious when I tell him I'm not in the mood for a good session so I suggest a quickie to remove the ring rust. He suggests an ancient Greek gladiator style practice. You've got to strip down and oil up for it - I feel just like Russell Crowe. In front of the patio window I do my impression, "Are you not entertained?"
And who should see this? No one but a red echo journo who our Joan just let in. Bloody hell Joan what are you doing? She forgot her keys and let him in so he can do an expose on Aldofest. Joan sees me naked and greased up and shouts out so everyone can hear that the last time our Purple greased me up I was too horny and wouldn't leave her alone. I'm dead embarrassed. I give the lad a warts and all exclusive and pose for a little less embarrassing photos. Me and Ake demonstrate Souey's ballroom dancing and have a couple of grapples to showcase Rushie's event.
3:00pm Where does the time go? The lad from the echo has just left and reckons it's dynamite and might even make the front page of the nationals! Get in. Have to send Ake packing without getting his Greek exercise in because Joan is putting my dinner out. She said I looked like I was in the mood for black pudding so she got me one in. Brilliant another full English! I tell her I'll never tire of sausage. She's crying and tells me that she needs to hear the truth. I tell her she's a big daft nugget. Women ey?
4:00pm No news from the hospital. Do I have to eat humble pie and text Djimi? I'll hold fire.
5:00pm John Henry is on the phone. Says I've got to tone it down for the more old fashioned fans. What's he on about?
6:00pm Bloody hell, Stevie G just called. He wants to do something special for Kenny now he's got the fru. No bullets in the post for you lad! Can I meet him in Manchester on Friday at 10pm before the big game for the surprise of the season. What is it? Top secret, but he needs someone who can drive a car to wait outside while he grabs something.
8:00pm Candy are throwing in a fridge for the prize raffle.
10:00pm Round it off on Twitter. Everyone is bang up for Aldofest and sad about King Kenny.
@Luisbites sums it up perfectly by saying in Uruguay there's no bigger complement than calling Kenny an n word.
Guillame Ballbag off sky says he's not so sure about that but a couple of Redman from Huyton say they're experts in South American culture and calling someone the n word is fine.
So from the bottom of my heart, Kenny you are a big n word and I promise to have a multipack of Kitkats for when you're next round.
11:00pm Early night but the internet is blowing up. Apparently some ex footballer has been caught with his kecks down with a fella! Wouldn't want to be in his shoes when his missus finds out!
7:00am Blinding headache. Bet it's dat bitter bloo shopkeeper giving me dodgy ale. I've half a mind to check the best bed or on the cans but remember I threw them out the window to try and shut up them infernal pigeons.
8:00am top tip, train how you play so I've got the full kit on and me boots. Still can't find that shinpad. I'm a key worker, where's my ppe Boris?
9:00am Athlete's breakfast of a full English. Off for a light jog round the estate.
10:00am first 100 m went well, then I passed the corner shop and Spaghetti Legs started whistling the theme tune to Rocky and that prat Djimi was on his micro scooter and chased me down the road shouting when's the fight Rocky. I got dead mad and told him to eff off.
10:15am went passed Kenny's at round the 350m mark. I was sweating like our Joan in a sauna but what happened made my blood run cold and my chocolate star fish pucker up to its pre-barometer size. Bog brush, little Sammy and a whole crowd of people. I slowed down and that crowd turned out just to be Bacon Frame Molby and Whale Ruddock - mind you they were never finely tuned athletes like me.
What's up lads?
Kenny's got covid!
The planks mean the fru of course. How could it happen?
Apparently the thin fat Spanish waiter got Kenny to pick him up from the airport and the soft nugget sneezed all over him whilst eating bat fried rice he brought with him.
10:35 A St. Jordan's ambulance as personally sponsored by red captain Hendo turns up. Thank God for professional footballers not taking a pay cut so we can use their taxes to pay for the NHS.
10:50am As Kenny is driving off in the ambulance, who should walk out but John Henry looking worried. How we going to replace a name Like Kenny in the big Aldofest game? Not good.
11:15am well that run was rubbish and my appetite for match prep is through the floor. Nathan Ale is due anytime. Might just cancel it.
11:45am Ake is here and the look if disappointment is obvious when I tell him I'm not in the mood for a good session so I suggest a quickie to remove the ring rust. He suggests an ancient Greek gladiator style practice. You've got to strip down and oil up for it - I feel just like Russell Crowe. In front of the patio window I do my impression, "Are you not entertained?"
And who should see this? No one but a red echo journo who our Joan just let in. Bloody hell Joan what are you doing? She forgot her keys and let him in so he can do an expose on Aldofest. Joan sees me naked and greased up and shouts out so everyone can hear that the last time our Purple greased me up I was too horny and wouldn't leave her alone. I'm dead embarrassed. I give the lad a warts and all exclusive and pose for a little less embarrassing photos. Me and Ake demonstrate Souey's ballroom dancing and have a couple of grapples to showcase Rushie's event.
3:00pm Where does the time go? The lad from the echo has just left and reckons it's dynamite and might even make the front page of the nationals! Get in. Have to send Ake packing without getting his Greek exercise in because Joan is putting my dinner out. She said I looked like I was in the mood for black pudding so she got me one in. Brilliant another full English! I tell her I'll never tire of sausage. She's crying and tells me that she needs to hear the truth. I tell her she's a big daft nugget. Women ey?
4:00pm No news from the hospital. Do I have to eat humble pie and text Djimi? I'll hold fire.
5:00pm John Henry is on the phone. Says I've got to tone it down for the more old fashioned fans. What's he on about?
6:00pm Bloody hell, Stevie G just called. He wants to do something special for Kenny now he's got the fru. No bullets in the post for you lad! Can I meet him in Manchester on Friday at 10pm before the big game for the surprise of the season. What is it? Top secret, but he needs someone who can drive a car to wait outside while he grabs something.
8:00pm Candy are throwing in a fridge for the prize raffle.
10:00pm Round it off on Twitter. Everyone is bang up for Aldofest and sad about King Kenny.
@Luisbites sums it up perfectly by saying in Uruguay there's no bigger complement than calling Kenny an n word.
Guillame Ballbag off sky says he's not so sure about that but a couple of Redman from Huyton say they're experts in South American culture and calling someone the n word is fine.
So from the bottom of my heart, Kenny you are a big n word and I promise to have a multipack of Kitkats for when you're next round.
11:00pm Early night but the internet is blowing up. Apparently some ex footballer has been caught with his kecks down with a fella! Wouldn't want to be in his shoes when his missus finds out!
Last edited:
NeroCeasar
Player Valuation: £8m
Unbelievable
BlueStevie35
Player Valuation: £70m
bluelord49
Player Valuation: £8m
Ha ha ha..... Brilliant another full English! I tell her I'll never tire of sausage.
Classic..........LMAO
Classic..........LMAO
Dario Terracotta
Player Valuation: £70m
Can Yarrgh be awarded some form of honorary uber poster status mods?, these daily Aldo's are getting Evertonians through this pandemic!!Well played Yarrgh Sir lol
St Jordan’s ambulance tho .... priceless
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