If the Aldofest goes ahead , will entertainment be supplied by Lieutenant Pigeon
The Secret Diary of Aldo Aged 61 1/2
- Thread starter Yarrgh
- Start date
- Status
witchdoc187
Player Valuation: £70m
Thrilling episode
ForestBlue
Player Valuation: £10m
"hate" doesn't even begin to describe the feeling towards him by all the old forest lads. None of the new lads have ever heard of him though haha!
toffee82
Player Valuation: £35m
Pigeon Detectives.
Dario Terracotta
Player Valuation: £70m
Takes me back to the early days of WSAG this,for those who remember lol lollol
TGW89
Player Valuation: £35m
Gone but not forgotten.
What would Shanks have said lol lol lol lol
Last edited:
Dario Terracotta
Player Valuation: £70m
Laugh along with those loveable reds!!
Dan Tanner
Player Valuation: £15m
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £80m
06/04/20
5:00am woke up with a hacking cough and the sweats. I feel a bit sticky but remember I didn't shower off after Ake greased me up to do some muscle poses. Gotta laugh though, trying to grab our Joan was like wrestling a greased pig. If Kenny wasn't coming round I'd might leave it on but can you imagine if I greased up his pringle jumper? He'd have my guts.
6:00 It's like Deepwater Horizon in the shower! Must have been castrol or something. All that talk of pig wrestling has me right in the mood for a bacon butty with lashings of red sauce!
9:00am Where's that Joan, this sandwich ain't going to cook itself. Got on Twitter and it's blown up. Half are moaning about der reds and their sensible policy on staff - that's what we pay taxes for you nuggets. Half are telling me how proud they are of me posing with Ake- I am no homophobe but I reckon they're gay for the Aldo. And the other half are from bitter bloos - here's some for you
OsloJFT96 - Get out of my club you perv
WeInventedAdidasTrainers - You sicken me with your man love
IwasasleepBulgarianRed - show us yet flabby muscles lad
All bad bloos! Blocked blocked blocked. Nuggets!
10am cracking that bacon. Let's get on with Aldofest! Souey's ballroom dancing, the big celeb game. Need something else. With no Jimmy Savile I'll need someone to entertain the kids. I bet you Craig Johnno Johnston who knows all about predators knows someone - perhaps a fellow Oz like Rolf Harris, imagine all the kids lining up to blow on his pulsating didgeridoo! Top drawer.
11am Johnno said Rolf is in jail. The only other Ozzies he knows are Tim Cahill and Harry Kewall. They can push off. A bloo but maybe Harry's wife Sheree would do a couple of numbers - I think she was in Girls Aloud or Atomic Kitten or something.
12:00 pizza in. Waiting for Kenny!
12:15 He's here and whose that little Sammy Lee! It's just like Doctor Fun and Liverpool Charlie.
Brainwave. Sorry Sheree (all saints?) but Dr Fun just filled your slot with his magical wood companion.
12:30 we're having a cracking time. Everyone loves pineapple on their pizza. Kenny's on the irn bru cause he's driving and Sammy has bought his own pop (it might be wine as he calls in Chateaux Poche de Kop and won't let anyone try it - smells a bit like wee - oh Sammy you dirty bugger!).
Kenny tells me about Bog Brush's idea.
Rushtlemania! Ian Rush in his Speedos, a mask and his wellies in wrestling ring with 30 or 40 red men and celebrities having a caged royal rumble to lift the nation's spirits and he wants to hold it at Anfield.
That's effing pay per view that. It's absolute gold! Aldofest sounds dead lame now. Kenny and Sammy are laughing at him saying it sounds lame. I go bright red. I can't say owt about Aldofest now. If they hate Rushie's idea they'll think my football idea is even lamer.
Our eldest John jr walks in with the phone. We call him Johnny John to avoid confusion (Juan John was born in Spain when I was there at Real*). "It's Sir Elton John John he wants to talk to you."
Well Kenny is gobsmacked. Sammy Lee drops his drink and it spills everywhere over the new carpet the little midget.
Sir Elton thinks it's a super idea, and is all for fostering good relations with charity especially high profile footballers who are breaking boundaries. He asks what I'm doing now. I tell him Sammy the dwarf has just lost his urine over Kenny and me and has ruined the shag I just had put in. He starts crying and calls me so brave. He said dem bloos made him cry with sorrow but us reds just made him cry with joy. He gets it.
Tell Kenny and Sammy about Sir Elton and Aldofest. Kenny is gushing! They love it. Going to have Kenny vice captaining my team and little Sammy is going to get involved too. Brilliant. Aldofest is cooking with gas!
2:00pm Forgot to offer them the blue ribbands that were left after our Joan scoffed the kitkats. Damn. Still walking on air, definitely not walking alone now!
5:00pm UEFA talking about cancelling the Champions League. Don't blame them, no integrity in them competitions after they tried to get Atletico to infect us so we'd lose the league. This means more!
6:00pm Hahaha - City sniff it! Being honked out of the Champions League! We're still champions of Europe and the world for another year!
7:00pm This should not effect the Premier League.
8:00pm Coughing fit followed by 5 cans of Special brew. To be fair, it's probably been induced when shouting at dem stinking pigeons in the road. With no cars around, they're getting well cheeky!
9:00pm Twitter awaits me. Ake says hi and wants to know when I'll be back around his end. Lovely fella. I leak the big news about Sir Elton! Get in! Watford fans want to simulcast it. Who do I get in touch with? Apparently they need to tell me closer to the time because they keep changing the guy in charge. They hate the bloos too. Top lads.
10:00pm Have wrote to the council about the pigeons. I have recommended a man with a shot gun to come around and gun them down. I may have mistyped that I had a gun and was going into the street to mow down some birds because who should arrive 10 minutes later but the ol' Garda as we call them in Ireland.
11:00pm How the bill laughed at my error in judgement. I promised them free tickets to Aldofest and to see Sir Elton John after the show. Mad for it the boys in blue. Tell you what though, my bum cheek is on fire from that tasering!!
MIdnight. Brilliant today. Bit of a cough and a temperature. Should be right tomorrow. Life is great!
*Sociedad-Schmadrid. Same difference. I was the Jonathan Woodgate of the day.
5:00am woke up with a hacking cough and the sweats. I feel a bit sticky but remember I didn't shower off after Ake greased me up to do some muscle poses. Gotta laugh though, trying to grab our Joan was like wrestling a greased pig. If Kenny wasn't coming round I'd might leave it on but can you imagine if I greased up his pringle jumper? He'd have my guts.
6:00 It's like Deepwater Horizon in the shower! Must have been castrol or something. All that talk of pig wrestling has me right in the mood for a bacon butty with lashings of red sauce!
9:00am Where's that Joan, this sandwich ain't going to cook itself. Got on Twitter and it's blown up. Half are moaning about der reds and their sensible policy on staff - that's what we pay taxes for you nuggets. Half are telling me how proud they are of me posing with Ake- I am no homophobe but I reckon they're gay for the Aldo. And the other half are from bitter bloos - here's some for you
OsloJFT96 - Get out of my club you perv
WeInventedAdidasTrainers - You sicken me with your man love
IwasasleepBulgarianRed - show us yet flabby muscles lad
All bad bloos! Blocked blocked blocked. Nuggets!
10am cracking that bacon. Let's get on with Aldofest! Souey's ballroom dancing, the big celeb game. Need something else. With no Jimmy Savile I'll need someone to entertain the kids. I bet you Craig Johnno Johnston who knows all about predators knows someone - perhaps a fellow Oz like Rolf Harris, imagine all the kids lining up to blow on his pulsating didgeridoo! Top drawer.
11am Johnno said Rolf is in jail. The only other Ozzies he knows are Tim Cahill and Harry Kewall. They can push off. A bloo but maybe Harry's wife Sheree would do a couple of numbers - I think she was in Girls Aloud or Atomic Kitten or something.
12:00 pizza in. Waiting for Kenny!
12:15 He's here and whose that little Sammy Lee! It's just like Doctor Fun and Liverpool Charlie.
Brainwave. Sorry Sheree (all saints?) but Dr Fun just filled your slot with his magical wood companion.
12:30 we're having a cracking time. Everyone loves pineapple on their pizza. Kenny's on the irn bru cause he's driving and Sammy has bought his own pop (it might be wine as he calls in Chateaux Poche de Kop and won't let anyone try it - smells a bit like wee - oh Sammy you dirty bugger!).
Kenny tells me about Bog Brush's idea.
Rushtlemania! Ian Rush in his Speedos, a mask and his wellies in wrestling ring with 30 or 40 red men and celebrities having a caged royal rumble to lift the nation's spirits and he wants to hold it at Anfield.
That's effing pay per view that. It's absolute gold! Aldofest sounds dead lame now. Kenny and Sammy are laughing at him saying it sounds lame. I go bright red. I can't say owt about Aldofest now. If they hate Rushie's idea they'll think my football idea is even lamer.
Our eldest John jr walks in with the phone. We call him Johnny John to avoid confusion (Juan John was born in Spain when I was there at Real*). "It's Sir Elton John John he wants to talk to you."
Well Kenny is gobsmacked. Sammy Lee drops his drink and it spills everywhere over the new carpet the little midget.
Sir Elton thinks it's a super idea, and is all for fostering good relations with charity especially high profile footballers who are breaking boundaries. He asks what I'm doing now. I tell him Sammy the dwarf has just lost his urine over Kenny and me and has ruined the shag I just had put in. He starts crying and calls me so brave. He said dem bloos made him cry with sorrow but us reds just made him cry with joy. He gets it.
Tell Kenny and Sammy about Sir Elton and Aldofest. Kenny is gushing! They love it. Going to have Kenny vice captaining my team and little Sammy is going to get involved too. Brilliant. Aldofest is cooking with gas!
2:00pm Forgot to offer them the blue ribbands that were left after our Joan scoffed the kitkats. Damn. Still walking on air, definitely not walking alone now!
5:00pm UEFA talking about cancelling the Champions League. Don't blame them, no integrity in them competitions after they tried to get Atletico to infect us so we'd lose the league. This means more!
6:00pm Hahaha - City sniff it! Being honked out of the Champions League! We're still champions of Europe and the world for another year!
7:00pm This should not effect the Premier League.
8:00pm Coughing fit followed by 5 cans of Special brew. To be fair, it's probably been induced when shouting at dem stinking pigeons in the road. With no cars around, they're getting well cheeky!
9:00pm Twitter awaits me. Ake says hi and wants to know when I'll be back around his end. Lovely fella. I leak the big news about Sir Elton! Get in! Watford fans want to simulcast it. Who do I get in touch with? Apparently they need to tell me closer to the time because they keep changing the guy in charge. They hate the bloos too. Top lads.
10:00pm Have wrote to the council about the pigeons. I have recommended a man with a shot gun to come around and gun them down. I may have mistyped that I had a gun and was going into the street to mow down some birds because who should arrive 10 minutes later but the ol' Garda as we call them in Ireland.
11:00pm How the bill laughed at my error in judgement. I promised them free tickets to Aldofest and to see Sir Elton John after the show. Mad for it the boys in blue. Tell you what though, my bum cheek is on fire from that tasering!!
MIdnight. Brilliant today. Bit of a cough and a temperature. Should be right tomorrow. Life is great!
*Sociedad-Schmadrid. Same difference. I was the Jonathan Woodgate of the day.
IwasasleepBulgarianred lol lol lol
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