Judith: Any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must *reflect* such a divergence of interests within its power-base.
Reg: Agreed.
(General nodding.)
Francis?
Francis: I think Judith's point of view is valid here, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every British citizen --
Shamima: Or a member of ISIS.
Francis: Or a member of ISIS...to rid Britain—
Shamima: Or the Caliphate.
Reg: Or the Caliphate. Agreed. Thank you, sister.
Shamima: Or mujahid.
Francis: Thank you, sister... Or mujahid. Where was I?
Reg: I thought you'd finished.
Francis: Oh, did I? Right.
Reg: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every citizen ...
Shamima: Or mujahid.
Reg: Why don't you shut up about mujahedeen, Shamima, you're putting us off.
Shamima: Mujahid have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
Francis: Why are you always on about mujahid, Shamima?
Shamima: (pause) I want to be one.
(pregnant pause)
Reg: What?
Shamima: I want to be a mujahid. From now on I want you all to call me Al-Shamikha.
Reg: What!?
Shamima: It's my right as a mujahid in waiting.
Judith: Why do you want to be Al-Shamikha, Shamima?
Shamima: I want to shoot infidels.
Reg: You want to shoot infidels?!?!?!
Shamima: It's every mujahid’s right to shoot infidels if she wants to.
Reg: But you can't just go killing people.
Shamima: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Shamima -- you haven't got a gun. Where's the gun coming from? Are you going to buy it at Tesco?
(Shamima starts crying.)
Judith: Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that she can't actually kill infidels, not having a gun, which is nobody's fault, not even the Gammons', but that she can have the *right* to shoot infidels.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to shoot infidels, sister! Mujahid… sorry.
Reg: (pissed) What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for her right to shoot infidels, when she doesn’t have a gun and killing is illegal in the UK?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of her struggle against reality.