Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[18Chris87]

Hi blues, I've not posted for a while, particularly in this thread since my dad died. However something has happened close to mine and my partners hearts. I'd like to share this article with anyone reading this thread as we say goodbye to a fellow blue Lee, who I'm sad to say I was due to see next week on a double date with our partners. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...meningitis.html?ico=authors_pagination_mobile

Lee is set to leave behind is daughter and partner after buying a new house. I'm not sure on the fundraising rules of the forum, if it's kosher to post a fundraiser or not, but I'm aware that there's friends who have currently raised 3k at the moment. If anyone is interested/moved by this and would like to join this in supporting Ella and Sophie please let me know and I can message you privately. As always I hope you all are well and I'm always here to chat about anything, things like this always put life into perspective and I'm sure anyone reading this tonight will join me in raising a glass to Lee and thinking about him and the family tonight.

 

[Charro]

Did anyone experience mates going weird with them when expecting a baby?

I ask because me and my supposed best mate haven’t spoken to eachother for seven months now.

All started when he randomly stopped replying to my messages and avoiding being anywhere I would be.

According to people I didn’t “value our friendship”, so when I heard that I thought I’ll just leave him be and focus on my mrs and the baby because I can’t be arsed getting involved in such nonsense.

My mrs eventually broke at the weekend and text his mrs to ask what’s going on and all the blame was put on me so i had to get in touch with him tonight.

Really can’t be doing with the confrontation as I’ve had enough of that in recent years with family members so I’m a bit stressed out with it all.

Just seeing if this is something that’s common amongst people when you’re having a baby?

 

[Bryan+]

Did anyone experience mates going weird with them when expecting a baby?

I ask because me and my supposed best mate haven’t spoken to eachother for seven months now.

All started when he randomly stopped replying to my messages and avoiding being anywhere I would be.

According to people I didn’t “value our friendship”, so when I heard that I thought I’ll just leave him be and focus on my mrs and the baby because I can’t be arsed getting involved in such nonsense.

My mrs eventually broke at the weekend and text his mrs to ask what’s going on and all the blame was put on me so i had to get in touch with him tonight.

Really can’t be doing with the confrontation as I’ve had enough of that in recent years with family members so I’m a bit stressed out with it all.

Just seeing if this is something that’s common amongst people when you’re having a baby?

Yeah mate, it’s actually more common than you’d think. When big life changes happen—like having a baby—it can make some friendships go very weird. People either don’t know how to handle the change, feel left out, or sometimes even project their own stuff onto you - which this sounds like tbh.

Don’t stress too much about it. You’ve got enough on your plate. Real mates will stick around and support you through changes, not go weird and then blame you for it. Sometimes people show their true colours when you’re going through big moments—and it just highlights who’s really on ya side.

It sounds like he really needs to grow up and support you as a dad. Not shrink away because you’re becoming one.

 

[Gwladysover]

Yeah mate, it’s actually more common than you’d think. When big life changes happen—like having a baby—it can make some friendships go very weird. People either don’t know how to handle the change, feel left out, or sometimes even project their own stuff onto you - which this sounds like tbh.

Don’t stress too much about it. You’ve got enough on your plate. Real mates will stick around and support you through changes, not go weird and then blame you for it. Sometimes people show their true colours when you’re going through big moments—and it just highlights who’s really on ya side.

It sounds like he really needs to grow up and support you as a dad. Not shrink away because you’re becoming one.

Exactly this. Also does your friend have children? He may feel slightly envious and slightly resentful of your new role as a father. A true friend will be there for you and if he is he will come round eventually as he comes to terms with your new situation. Concentrate on your family and don’t worry about things you can’t control i.e. your friend’s attitude. Congratulations and best wishes for the new baby

 

[JelavicBrate2]

Did anyone experience mates going weird with them when expecting a baby?

I ask because me and my supposed best mate haven’t spoken to eachother for seven months now.

All started when he randomly stopped replying to my messages and avoiding being anywhere I would be.

According to people I didn’t “value our friendship”, so when I heard that I thought I’ll just leave him be and focus on my mrs and the baby because I can’t be arsed getting involved in such nonsense.

My mrs eventually broke at the weekend and text his mrs to ask what’s going on and all the blame was put on me so i had to get in touch with him tonight.

Really can’t be doing with the confrontation as I’ve had enough of that in recent years with family members so I’m a bit stressed out with it all.

Just seeing if this is something that’s common amongst people when you’re having a baby?

To be honest I think, a large percentage of fellas nowadays are either single or in unhappy relationships. I don't think it has anything to do with baby, more of the fact that he may just want to go back to how things were in your friendship. He may resent your relationship with your misses, because he's not happy with his. I think a lot of fellas, become bitter or envious towards friends, because our friendships are much more based in interests and hobbies. Whereas women's friendships are much more based on similarities in what job they do, similar values and similar background. Often you fund as a man, your friends are just people you drink with or go to match with. Often outside of that we find we share little in common with these fellas.

 

[COYBL25]

To be honest I think, a large percentage of fellas nowadays are either single or in unhappy relationships. I don't think it has anything to do with baby, more of the fact that he may just want to go back to how things were in your friendship. He may resent your relationship with your misses, because he's not happy with his. I think a lot of fellas, become bitter or envious towards friends, because our friendships are much more based in interests and hobbies. Whereas women's friendships are much more based on similarities in what job they do, similar values and similar background. Often you fund as a man, your friends are just people you drink with or go to match with. Often outside of that we find we share little in common with these fellas.

Your pretty much spot on there tbh, especially with the jealousy bit.

It happened amongst my group of close mates and eventually led to one of my mates divorcing his missus, who didn’t want children and marrying a girl, who wanted kids and whose husband didn’t.

The arrival of kids can do weird things to friendship circles.

 

[EFCPaul]

Been a few months since I posted but I've hit a bad spot.

My best mate of about the last 10 years is getting married this summer and he's asked me to be best man. I only said yes because I didnt want to hurt his feelings really.

The girl he's marrying he has only known a few months after meeting her on a dating app. I've not even met her yet, he hasn't introduced us. He has told me though that she's a foreign national, and basically they're getting married so she won't have to leave the country when her visa expires. I feel this is a very bad idea on his part, but I've refrained from telling him what I really think because know he won't listen or take it well. He's absolutely head over heels.


He has told me the wedding will be a ceremony that keeps in tradition with her family's culture, so as the groom he will be wearing an outfit that honours this (African tribal robes). The best man also has to wear a similar sort of thing so he wants me to wear one too. I have flatly told him no, I will not agree to that. I told him if it means he ask someone else to do it then I will understand.

He has reacted badly, saying he is devastated and that he can't believe I'm not doing this for him. That was our last text exchange, I've decided to just leave it be for now and see if he comes back in a few days with anything.

Am I being a bad friend?


In relation to previous posts, my health has been better the last few months and things have stabilised (least for now). Least that's a positive.

 

[COYBL25]

Been a few months since I posted but I've hit a bad spot.

My best mate of about the last 10 years is getting married this summer and he's asked me to be best man. I only said yes because I didnt want to hurt his feelings really.

The girl he's marrying he has only known a few months after meeting her on a dating app. I've not even met her yet, he hasn't introduced us. He has told me though that she's a foreign national, and basically they're getting married so she won't have to leave the country when he visa expires. I really feel this is a very bad idea on his part but have refrained from telling him what I think, I know he would not react well if I did.

He has told me the wedding will be a ceremony that keeps in tradition with her family's culture, so as the groom he will be wearing an outfit that honours this (African tribal robes). The best man also has to wear a similar sort of thing so he wants me too wear one too. I have flatly told him no, I will not agree to that. I told him if it means he ask someone else to do it then I will understand.

He has reacted badly, saying he is devastated and that he can't believe I'm not doing this for him. That was our last text exchange, I've decided to just leave it be for now and see if he comes back in a few days with anything.

Am I being a bad friend?


In relation to previous posts, my health has been better the last few months and things have stabilised (least for now). Least that's a positive.

Blimey mate, that`s a tough one to land on you and it sounds dodgy as hell.

She`s a foreign national, he`s only getting married so she won`t have to leave the country when her visa expires and you`ve never met her !

There`s red flags going up all over the place.

If it was me, I`d run a mile.

Ps - you don`t know if he`s parted with any substantial sums of money in arranging all this or if he`s been paid to do it ?????

 

[NathDogg]

Hi blues, I've not posted for a while, particularly in this thread since my dad died. However something has happened close to mine and my partners hearts. I'd like to share this article with anyone reading this thread as we say goodbye to a fellow blue Lee, who I'm sad to say I was due to see next week on a double date with our partners. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...meningitis.html?ico=authors_pagination_mobile

Lee is set to leave behind is daughter and partner after buying a new house. I'm not sure on the fundraising rules of the forum, if it's kosher to post a fundraiser or not, but I'm aware that there's friends who have currently raised 3k at the moment. If anyone is interested/moved by this and would like to join this in supporting Ella and Sophie please let me know and I can message you privately. As always I hope you all are well and I'm always here to chat about anything, things like this always put life into perspective and I'm sure anyone reading this tonight will join me in raising a glass to Lee and thinking about him and the family tonight.

Hope you’re doing alright fella, sorry for the loss of your mate, bloody heartbreaking that.

Best wishes to all his family and friends.

 

[EFCPaul]

Blimey mate, that`s a tough one to land on you and it sounds dodgy as hell.

She`s a foreign national, he`s only getting married so she won`t have to leave the country when her visa expires and you`ve never met her !

There`s red flags going up all over the place.

If it was me, I`d run a mile.

Ps - you don`t know if he`s parted with any substantial sums of money in arranging all this or if he`s been paid to do it ?????

I haven't asked him about financials, though I don't imagine he's arranging all of this cheap. I do know he told me I'd have to pay for the outfit! That's not the point though, I just will absolutely not do it. I don't approve of the whole idea but I agreed to be best man because I didn't want to hurt him, but there was no mention of any of this when he initially asked me.

I have only seen photos of the girl, I know next to nothing about her. I'm not confident I'd even know her if she stood next to me in a queue. He has obviously gone all-in with her though extremely quickly.

Maybe if I do meet her I will like her and feel it is all legit, his parents seem to think she is from what I've been told and they are good people. But even so that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to do what he's asking me too. I have said if it means he has to turn to someone else to be best man I'd understand, but he's very upset with me now. I'm a bit flummoxed as to what to do next, or if I should even do anything.

 

[COYBL25]

I haven't asked him about financials, though I don't imagine he's arranging all of this cheap. I do know he told me I'd have to pay for the outfit! That's not the point though, I just will absolutely not do it. I don't approve of the whole idea but I agreed to be best man because I didn't want to hurt him, but there was no mention of any of this when he initially asked me.

I have only seen photos of the girl, I know next to nothing about her. I'm not confident I'd even know her if she stood next to me in a queue. He has obviously gone all-in with her though extremely quickly.

Maybe if I do meet her I will like her and feel it is all legit, his parents seem to think she is from what I've been told and they are good people. But even so that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to do what he's asking me too. I have said if it means he has to turn to someone else to be best man I'd understand, but he's very upset with me now. I'm a bit flummoxed as to what to do next, or if I should even do anything.

I`d go with your gut on this one mate, if he`s your mate, he`ll come round eventually.

 

[JelavicBrate2]

Been a few months since I posted but I've hit a bad spot.

My best mate of about the last 10 years is getting married this summer and he's asked me to be best man. I only said yes because I didnt want to hurt his feelings really.

The girl he's marrying he has only known a few months after meeting her on a dating app. I've not even met her yet, he hasn't introduced us. He has told me though that she's a foreign national, and basically they're getting married so she won't have to leave the country when her visa expires. I feel this is a very bad idea on his part, but I've refrained from telling him what I really think because know he won't listen or take it well. He's absolutely head over heels.


He has told me the wedding will be a ceremony that keeps in tradition with her family's culture, so as the groom he will be wearing an outfit that honours this (African tribal robes). The best man also has to wear a similar sort of thing so he wants me to wear one too. I have flatly told him no, I will not agree to that. I told him if it means he ask someone else to do it then I will understand.

He has reacted badly, saying he is devastated and that he can't believe I'm not doing this for him. That was our last text exchange, I've decided to just leave it be for now and see if he comes back in a few days with anything.

Am I being a bad friend?


In relation to previous posts, my health has been better the last few months and things have stabilised (least for now). Least that's a positive.

I'd tell him to eff off, he wants you to get involved in something your not comfortable with and could very well be fraud. I worked out a lot of my so called mates, weren't mates at all and just wanted to bring me into mess they are in. I worked out growing up some friends aren't worth having and only speak to you, when they want you to drink or do drugs or in my case help them sell drugs. It's one thing is you don't like your mates girlfriend or missus, it's another thing when it involves possible fraud, that could come back on you.

 

[Rita_Poon]

I haven't asked him about financials, though I don't imagine he's arranging all of this cheap. I do know he told me I'd have to pay for the outfit! That's not the point though, I just will absolutely not do it. I don't approve of the whole idea but I agreed to be best man because I didn't want to hurt him, but there was no mention of any of this when he initially asked me.

I have only seen photos of the girl, I know next to nothing about her. I'm not confident I'd even know her if she stood next to me in a queue. He has obviously gone all-in with her though extremely quickly.

Maybe if I do meet her I will like her and feel it is all legit, his parents seem to think she is from what I've been told and they are good people. But even so that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to do what he's asking me too. I have said if it means he has to turn to someone else to be best man I'd understand, but he's very upset with me now. I'm a bit flummoxed as to what to do next, or if I should even do anything.

So they've met her? Who told you this?

 

[Jimmy Grimble]

Quite a few posts about friendship on here. What I learned so far: 1) Don't take good friends for granted. 2) Not all friendships to last forever, and that's ok. Enjoy them while they last and don't fret if they end. 3) At your worst times, you see who is really there for you. Appreciate those people and make sure when your friends are in need that you are one of those people.

 

[Bryan+]

Been a few months since I posted but I've hit a bad spot.

My best mate of about the last 10 years is getting married this summer and he's asked me to be best man. I only said yes because I didnt want to hurt his feelings really.

The girl he's marrying he has only known a few months after meeting her on a dating app. I've not even met her yet, he hasn't introduced us. He has told me though that she's a foreign national, and basically they're getting married so she won't have to leave the country when her visa expires. I feel this is a very bad idea on his part, but I've refrained from telling him what I really think because know he won't listen or take it well. He's absolutely head over heels.


He has told me the wedding will be a ceremony that keeps in tradition with her family's culture, so as the groom he will be wearing an outfit that honours this (African tribal robes). The best man also has to wear a similar sort of thing so he wants me to wear one too. I have flatly told him no, I will not agree to that. I told him if it means he ask someone else to do it then I will understand.

He has reacted badly, saying he is devastated and that he can't believe I'm not doing this for him. That was our last text exchange, I've decided to just leave it be for now and see if he comes back in a few days with anything.

Am I being a bad friend?


In relation to previous posts, my health has been better the last few months and things have stabilised (least for now). Least that's a positive.

Nah mate, you’re not in the slightest. You’ve been there for him for years, you said yes to being best man coz you didn’t wanna let him down — that’s loyalty! But just coz you’re his mate doesn’t mean you’ve gotta say yes to everything, especially if it doesn’t sit right with you.

You’re not kicking off, you’re just being honest. If he’s marrying someone you’ve never even met, and the whole thing feels rushed — that’s bound to raise a few eyebrows. You’ve held your tongue coz you care, and you know he might not take it well, so you’ve tried to keep the peace.And with the outfit — fair enough. You’ve set your boundary without being a divvy about it, even said you’d understand if he picked someone else. That’s sound! He’s probably just taking it personal coz he’s wrapped up in the moment. Give him a bit of space, see if he comes round. If he doesn’t — then maybe he’s not seeing what a decent mate he’s actually got?