Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Rita_Poon]

Thanks Rita, we split up almost 6 years ago but she just has that attitude and personality of punishment and power trips, i'm not the only one she does it too but i'm the only one who can't stand up to it in case she takes me daughter off me.

I've tried over the years to keep my daughter away from any arguing or that, but sometimes it's hard, but i do shield her from most of it.
I didn't mean stop loving my girl, i meant being around her and all the crap that i get from the ex makes me weary.

She moans about everything, if our daughter has had a busy day at school and yawns, it's my fault. her bedroom night light is either too bright or not bright enough. if a car drives past then it's too loud, or if not, it's too quiet. it just never ends.

I have a huge aversion to doing things for myself. no idea why, but i almost never go the doctors if i'm sick. i avoid everything and i just suffer with it all alone because over the years i feel like no one cares so i just keep it all in.

I know i could seek professional help but i know my inner me will fight against it. i've just got no motivation.

I will ALWAYS love and adore my daughter, we love each other and we each deserve each other in our lives........i just wish sometimes that the ex wasn't in the picture. but almost all of my frustration is caused by her and i'm stuck with her.

Thanks everyone.

6 years is a long time to be emotionally blackmailed.

This seems very much like depression talking. To the point of it seeming at least to my untrained eye (ear?) to be textbook stuff.

Staying as you are means more suffering, and that potentially rubbing off on your daughter. For both her sake and yours it's time for some change. It might seem difficult because it's the unknown, but the sooner you get started the sooner you make progress.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Wondering if any of you guys can help me regarding my 8 year old daughter?

I did post about this a while back and the helpful comments were awesome. the TL;DR version of what i'm about to write is,

8 year old very distracted in school, doesn't do much work, she can be disruptive, nothing bad just bossiness, The Ex has a horrific attitude towards me and never stops blaming me or having a dig. i'm living with that stress feeling that is trying to burst out of my chest 24/7

Ok, right, my daughter is such a loving and caring kid but i'm really worried about what her teacher says to us. as above, she barely does any work even though she's really cleaver. she is always bossing other kids around and being loud. she is always writing me notes and drawing pictures about how much she loves me, used to be 10+ times a day now it's maybe 3 or 4 a week.

She is very emotional especially when we tell her the teacher has told us she's naughty in school. she bursts into tears within a second of hearing it.

I've kind of exhausted my patience/coping levels with it. not because i don't care, i really do and as with every parent i want her to do well in school but it's not working out as i want it to.

My ex, her mum is a bitch. everything is my fault even though everyone tells me what a good job i'm doing and how calm i am with my daughter but, the ex is a bit of a narcissist and nothing she does could be wrong so it has to be me. every time it's mentioned (her behaviour) nothing i say matters. the ex just says i'm wrong and that cranks up the stress more and more. my health is suffering as the second the ex messages me my body just reacts with anxiety.

I know i have PTSD from her because she always made my life a misery and 1000 times moreso since we split. She's killing me and the burden of being to blame for everything (and i mean EVERYTHING) constantly and at fault for everything regarding our daughter is really really harming me and therefore my relationship with our kid.

I'm scared to be around her at times because she is struggling in school etc, i worry that i've ruined her life and her mental state and the fact that i get moaned at for everything even if i've done nothing wrong.

I'm really trying to find a way to help my daughter, the ex want her on ADHD medication and to see doctors etc which is fine i suppose. i'm just worried that my daughter will start to be treated differently or people will think she's messed up. i love her so much but i'm scared that my love for her is likely to stop me accepting she may have issues deeper than just being 8.

The Ex, i cannot stand her but i'm stuck with her and she has no problems saying awful stuff to anyone. i'm in a situation where i cannot say anything or share my opinion on our kid.

Sounds daft to some i know, but i was raised by a mother who treated my like scum, i was a good kid but just being alive lead to me being punished, my exes over the years end up doing that same so i know it's a pattern of mine.

but the whole situation is pushing me away from my kid. i lost and scared but mostly worried for my daughter. maybe i just don't understand ADHD, maybe my mind has made me think that it means a kid is "mental" (forgive the word, just couldn't put it any other way) and my issues with how i reject anything that i consider imperfect will make me stop loving my little girl.

i'm just stuck in a corner and i cannot do anything to help things. feel free to tell me to get a grip and grow up. but my head burying skills is off the charts. i'm a master at it.

Sounds like a nightmare mate. Always so tricky where kids are involved, and it’s very clear you want the best for your little girl so no doubt it’s tying your head in knots.

I can only echo what’s already been said. Take a breath and be clear what you want to achieve out of whatever comes next.

The focus has to be on little’un, and little’un alone. There can be a tendency to dismiss what might be a good suggestion because it comes from an ex that you’re determined to see as the enemy.

If your kid was presenting symptoms of diabetes, you’d get her checked in a heartbeat. Get a formal diagnosis one way or another re ADHD and move forward from there.

Fingers crossed for you all.

 

[mccole]

Wondering if any of you guys can help me regarding my 8 year old daughter?

I did post about this a while back and the helpful comments were awesome. the TL;DR version of what i'm about to write is,

8 year old very distracted in school, doesn't do much work, she can be disruptive, nothing bad just bossiness, The Ex has a horrific attitude towards me and never stops blaming me or having a dig. i'm living with that stress feeling that is trying to burst out of my chest 24/7

Ok, right, my daughter is such a loving and caring kid but i'm really worried about what her teacher says to us. as above, she barely does any work even though she's really cleaver. she is always bossing other kids around and being loud. she is always writing me notes and drawing pictures about how much she loves me, used to be 10+ times a day now it's maybe 3 or 4 a week.

She is very emotional especially when we tell her the teacher has told us she's naughty in school. she bursts into tears within a second of hearing it.

I've kind of exhausted my patience/coping levels with it. not because i don't care, i really do and as with every parent i want her to do well in school but it's not working out as i want it to.

My ex, her mum is a bitch. everything is my fault even though everyone tells me what a good job i'm doing and how calm i am with my daughter but, the ex is a bit of a narcissist and nothing she does could be wrong so it has to be me. every time it's mentioned (her behaviour) nothing i say matters. the ex just says i'm wrong and that cranks up the stress more and more. my health is suffering as the second the ex messages me my body just reacts with anxiety.

I know i have PTSD from her because she always made my life a misery and 1000 times moreso since we split. She's killing me and the burden of being to blame for everything (and i mean EVERYTHING) constantly and at fault for everything regarding our daughter is really really harming me and therefore my relationship with our kid.

I'm scared to be around her at times because she is struggling in school etc, i worry that i've ruined her life and her mental state and the fact that i get moaned at for everything even if i've done nothing wrong.

I'm really trying to find a way to help my daughter, the ex want her on ADHD medication and to see doctors etc which is fine i suppose. i'm just worried that my daughter will start to be treated differently or people will think she's messed up. i love her so much but i'm scared that my love for her is likely to stop me accepting she may have issues deeper than just being 8.

The Ex, i cannot stand her but i'm stuck with her and she has no problems saying awful stuff to anyone. i'm in a situation where i cannot say anything or share my opinion on our kid.

Sounds daft to some i know, but i was raised by a mother who treated my like scum, i was a good kid but just being alive lead to me being punished, my exes over the years end up doing that same so i know it's a pattern of mine.

but the whole situation is pushing me away from my kid. i lost and scared but mostly worried for my daughter. maybe i just don't understand ADHD, maybe my mind has made me think that it means a kid is "mental" (forgive the word, just couldn't put it any other way) and my issues with how i reject anything that i consider imperfect will make me stop loving my little girl.

i'm just stuck in a corner and i cannot do anything to help things. feel free to tell me to get a grip and grow up. but my head burying skills is off the charts. i'm a master at it.

Has the school spoken to you about your daughter seeing SENCO who can offer some support and tips.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/ztvgqyc

Schools and the education system is broken from the lack of funds, staffing and basic numbers of classes so it can be very frustrating but that goes for a lot of schools.

I hope you find some help to support her but all kids with or without diagnosis', go through different spells, ups and down just like adults but we are able to express them better.

Hang in there and try not to raise to anything your ex says because if you are there for your daughter that's all that matters to her not tittle tattle.

 

[MaximusEvertonius]

Some brilliant advice in here. I can completely relate. As someone who is divorced and had a difficult ex (a malignant narcissist), working together for the best interest of your children can be a challenge. But that’s what you have to do.

Only reply to what needs replying. Don’t take the bait. Just because you get a text or get asked a question doesn’t mean it needs a reply. It’s your child that’s the focus. It’s not the divorce that’s the issue as much as it is how the parents are after it. If it’s a question or comment about your child, of course reply.

As hard as this may sound, take any and all emotion out of it. I’m serious. Don’t think of it as your ex on the other end of the call or text. Think of it as some words sent to you where you decide if they need a reply or not. Stay clinical. Black and white. Detached.

The ex and negative behaviour will decrease eventually. Trust me. For me it took years. But it happened. A reaction from you is what they want. Your reply, especially if you defend yourself, well, it’s like you walked into their trap. They smile and feel smug while you’re emotionally drained and angry.

Again, your child is paramount. That’s all that matters. Sharing communication on their health and well-being matters. That’s it. What helped me was putting my ex on silent. I know it’s not a huge change, but what it made me feel was that I had control. I checked my phone regularly and decided whether it merited a response or not. Hearing the phone vibrate always made me anxious. Just that simple change made a big difference.

Remember, it’s all about your child. Give a response only if needed. Learn that a non-response to something that doesn’t deserve one or is a bait is a solid response from you. It’s just words on a phone, mate. Give your energy towards your child. Don’t give it to your ex. Makes you less present for your little one.

Thinking of you and wishing you the very best

 

[David09]

Wondering if any of you guys can help me regarding my 8 year old daughter?

I did post about this a while back and the helpful comments were awesome. the TL;DR version of what i'm about to write is,

8 year old very distracted in school, doesn't do much work, she can be disruptive, nothing bad just bossiness, The Ex has a horrific attitude towards me and never stops blaming me or having a dig. i'm living with that stress feeling that is trying to burst out of my chest 24/7

Ok, right, my daughter is such a loving and caring kid but i'm really worried about what her teacher says to us. as above, she barely does any work even though she's really cleaver. she is always bossing other kids around and being loud. she is always writing me notes and drawing pictures about how much she loves me, used to be 10+ times a day now it's maybe 3 or 4 a week.

She is very emotional especially when we tell her the teacher has told us she's naughty in school. she bursts into tears within a second of hearing it.

I've kind of exhausted my patience/coping levels with it. not because i don't care, i really do and as with every parent i want her to do well in school but it's not working out as i want it to.

My ex, her mum is a bitch. everything is my fault even though everyone tells me what a good job i'm doing and how calm i am with my daughter but, the ex is a bit of a narcissist and nothing she does could be wrong so it has to be me. every time it's mentioned (her behaviour) nothing i say matters. the ex just says i'm wrong and that cranks up the stress more and more. my health is suffering as the second the ex messages me my body just reacts with anxiety.

I know i have PTSD from her because she always made my life a misery and 1000 times moreso since we split. She's killing me and the burden of being to blame for everything (and i mean EVERYTHING) constantly and at fault for everything regarding our daughter is really really harming me and therefore my relationship with our kid.

I'm scared to be around her at times because she is struggling in school etc, i worry that i've ruined her life and her mental state and the fact that i get moaned at for everything even if i've done nothing wrong.

I'm really trying to find a way to help my daughter, the ex want her on ADHD medication and to see doctors etc which is fine i suppose. i'm just worried that my daughter will start to be treated differently or people will think she's messed up. i love her so much but i'm scared that my love for her is likely to stop me accepting she may have issues deeper than just being 8.

The Ex, i cannot stand her but i'm stuck with her and she has no problems saying awful stuff to anyone. i'm in a situation where i cannot say anything or share my opinion on our kid.

Sounds daft to some i know, but i was raised by a mother who treated my like scum, i was a good kid but just being alive lead to me being punished, my exes over the years end up doing that same so i know it's a pattern of mine.

but the whole situation is pushing me away from my kid. i lost and scared but mostly worried for my daughter. maybe i just don't understand ADHD, maybe my mind has made me think that it means a kid is "mental" (forgive the word, just couldn't put it any other way) and my issues with how i reject anything that i consider imperfect will make me stop loving my little girl.

i'm just stuck in a corner and i cannot do anything to help things. feel free to tell me to get a grip and grow up. but my head burying skills is off the charts. i'm a master at it.

I had to block my ex wife on everything mate. No contact at all because her goal was to push me over the edge even if meant using my daughter in the process.

Just tread very careful is all I'll say because I have virtually no contact with my 19 year old daughter now.

If your ex thinks she can dictate everything tell her you want 50/50 custody. And also insist on zero contact because even though I blocked her phone number my ex still tried to get at me through email so that got blocked as well.

Don't let her keep messing with your head because even now 6 years later I'm still struggling with the motivation and getting out of bed at weekends.

 

[Spotty]

Wondering if any of you guys can help me regarding my 8 year old daughter?

I did post about this a while back and the helpful comments were awesome. the TL;DR version of what i'm about to write is,

8 year old very distracted in school, doesn't do much work, she can be disruptive, nothing bad just bossiness, The Ex has a horrific attitude towards me and never stops blaming me or having a dig. i'm living with that stress feeling that is trying to burst out of my chest 24/7

Ok, right, my daughter is such a loving and caring kid but i'm really worried about what her teacher says to us. as above, she barely does any work even though she's really cleaver. she is always bossing other kids around and being loud. she is always writing me notes and drawing pictures about how much she loves me, used to be 10+ times a day now it's maybe 3 or 4 a week.

She is very emotional especially when we tell her the teacher has told us she's naughty in school. she bursts into tears within a second of hearing it.

I've kind of exhausted my patience/coping levels with it. not because i don't care, i really do and as with every parent i want her to do well in school but it's not working out as i want it to.

My ex, her mum is a bitch. everything is my fault even though everyone tells me what a good job i'm doing and how calm i am with my daughter but, the ex is a bit of a narcissist and nothing she does could be wrong so it has to be me. every time it's mentioned (her behaviour) nothing i say matters. the ex just says i'm wrong and that cranks up the stress more and more. my health is suffering as the second the ex messages me my body just reacts with anxiety.

I know i have PTSD from her because she always made my life a misery and 1000 times moreso since we split. She's killing me and the burden of being to blame for everything (and i mean EVERYTHING) constantly and at fault for everything regarding our daughter is really really harming me and therefore my relationship with our kid.

I'm scared to be around her at times because she is struggling in school etc, i worry that i've ruined her life and her mental state and the fact that i get moaned at for everything even if i've done nothing wrong.

I'm really trying to find a way to help my daughter, the ex want her on ADHD medication and to see doctors etc which is fine i suppose. i'm just worried that my daughter will start to be treated differently or people will think she's messed up. i love her so much but i'm scared that my love for her is likely to stop me accepting she may have issues deeper than just being 8.

The Ex, i cannot stand her but i'm stuck with her and she has no problems saying awful stuff to anyone. i'm in a situation where i cannot say anything or share my opinion on our kid.

Sounds daft to some i know, but i was raised by a mother who treated my like scum, i was a good kid but just being alive lead to me being punished, my exes over the years end up doing that same so i know it's a pattern of mine.

but the whole situation is pushing me away from my kid. i lost and scared but mostly worried for my daughter. maybe i just don't understand ADHD, maybe my mind has made me think that it means a kid is "mental" (forgive the word, just couldn't put it any other way) and my issues with how i reject anything that i consider imperfect will make me stop loving my little girl.

i'm just stuck in a corner and i cannot do anything to help things. feel free to tell me to get a grip and grow up. but my head burying skills is off the charts. i'm a master at it.

Your daughter is perceptive. She may be thinking about you and the family dynamics. The bullying may be her trying to get a little control in her life. She probably feels she has none at present. I would ask someone else to have a chat with her. Ask her how she's feeling. I don't believe there's any nastiness in her bug I do think there may be something bothering her. I suspect given my experience working with children that she will be put on a list to see someone, a therapist, and it may be some time you have to wait. Can you afford for her to see a therapist privately. If you have to wait and you continue to be worried and you can afford it I would pay for her to see someone. Let the Drs make decisions regarding medications, she hasn't been diagnosed yet so please hold your horses regarding self diagnosing. Be very everywhere of her seeing you upset or seeing unpleasant family dynamics. Children bully for a reason, very rarely if ever it's because they have a nasty streak. She may be reluctant to discuss anything with you for fear of creating more upset for you. Give her some breathing space, be very supportive, tell her you love her and protect her from family dynamics. Take on board what the school say WHO SHOULD be offering you support and advice. All the best and there are no reasons why you can't work through the challenges you have.

 

[Spotty]

Wondering if any of you guys can help me regarding my 8 year old daughter?

I did post about this a while back and the helpful comments were awesome. the TL;DR version of what i'm about to write is,

8 year old very distracted in school, doesn't do much work, she can be disruptive, nothing bad just bossiness, The Ex has a horrific attitude towards me and never stops blaming me or having a dig. i'm living with that stress feeling that is trying to burst out of my chest 24/7

Ok, right, my daughter is such a loving and caring kid but i'm really worried about what her teacher says to us. as above, she barely does any work even though she's really cleaver. she is always bossing other kids around and being loud. she is always writing me notes and drawing pictures about how much she loves me, used to be 10+ times a day now it's maybe 3 or 4 a week.

She is very emotional especially when we tell her the teacher has told us she's naughty in school. she bursts into tears within a second of hearing it.

I've kind of exhausted my patience/coping levels with it. not because i don't care, i really do and as with every parent i want her to do well in school but it's not working out as i want it to.

My ex, her mum is a bitch. everything is my fault even though everyone tells me what a good job i'm doing and how calm i am with my daughter but, the ex is a bit of a narcissist and nothing she does could be wrong so it has to be me. every time it's mentioned (her behaviour) nothing i say matters. the ex just says i'm wrong and that cranks up the stress more and more. my health is suffering as the second the ex messages me my body just reacts with anxiety.

I know i have PTSD from her because she always made my life a misery and 1000 times moreso since we split. She's killing me and the burden of being to blame for everything (and i mean EVERYTHING) constantly and at fault for everything regarding our daughter is really really harming me and therefore my relationship with our kid.

I'm scared to be around her at times because she is struggling in school etc, i worry that i've ruined her life and her mental state and the fact that i get moaned at for everything even if i've done nothing wrong.

I'm really trying to find a way to help my daughter, the ex want her on ADHD medication and to see doctors etc which is fine i suppose. i'm just worried that my daughter will start to be treated differently or people will think she's messed up. i love her so much but i'm scared that my love for her is likely to stop me accepting she may have issues deeper than just being 8.

The Ex, i cannot stand her but i'm stuck with her and she has no problems saying awful stuff to anyone. i'm in a situation where i cannot say anything or share my opinion on our kid.

Sounds daft to some i know, but i was raised by a mother who treated my like scum, i was a good kid but just being alive lead to me being punished, my exes over the years end up doing that same so i know it's a pattern of mine.

but the whole situation is pushing me away from my kid. i lost and scared but mostly worried for my daughter. maybe i just don't understand ADHD, maybe my mind has made me think that it means a kid is "mental" (forgive the word, just couldn't put it any other way) and my issues with how i reject anything that i consider imperfect will make me stop loving my little girl.

i'm just stuck in a corner and i cannot do anything to help things. feel free to tell me to get a grip and grow up. but my head burying skills is off the charts. i'm a master at it.

MrD might I be as bold to strongly suggest you you approach your GP and ask for help in getting some support to address a number of unresolved issues you have with regards your relationship with your mum. I believe their may be a lot of unresolved issues you have which probably affects how you see your child. I personally believe you love her very much but you are fearful that your experiences which don't appear to have been therapeutic, might in some way alter how you see your relationship with your daughter. You were in no way to blame for how your were treat by your mum. All you wanted was to be loved and frankly that's basically what ALL kids want, to be loved, to feel safe and to be given guidance l. I believe your peace of mind and subsequent ways you approach your relationships will benefit from you speaking to someone who can more eloquently than me, help you understand the nuances of your past relationships. You want to be a good parent, demonstrate and show your daughter you love her and that my friend is a good thing. Don't beat yourself up because there's no need to. Take care

 

[BigDunc'sFod]

Wondering if any of you guys can help me regarding my 8 year old daughter?

I did post about this a while back and the helpful comments were awesome. the TL;DR version of what i'm about to write is,

8 year old very distracted in school, doesn't do much work, she can be disruptive, nothing bad just bossiness, The Ex has a horrific attitude towards me and never stops blaming me or having a dig. i'm living with that stress feeling that is trying to burst out of my chest 24/7

Ok, right, my daughter is such a loving and caring kid but i'm really worried about what her teacher says to us. as above, she barely does any work even though she's really cleaver. she is always bossing other kids around and being loud. she is always writing me notes and drawing pictures about how much she loves me, used to be 10+ times a day now it's maybe 3 or 4 a week.

She is very emotional especially when we tell her the teacher has told us she's naughty in school. she bursts into tears within a second of hearing it.

I've kind of exhausted my patience/coping levels with it. not because i don't care, i really do and as with every parent i want her to do well in school but it's not working out as i want it to.

My ex, her mum is a bitch. everything is my fault even though everyone tells me what a good job i'm doing and how calm i am with my daughter but, the ex is a bit of a narcissist and nothing she does could be wrong so it has to be me. every time it's mentioned (her behaviour) nothing i say matters. the ex just says i'm wrong and that cranks up the stress more and more. my health is suffering as the second the ex messages me my body just reacts with anxiety.

I know i have PTSD from her because she always made my life a misery and 1000 times moreso since we split. She's killing me and the burden of being to blame for everything (and i mean EVERYTHING) constantly and at fault for everything regarding our daughter is really really harming me and therefore my relationship with our kid.

I'm scared to be around her at times because she is struggling in school etc, i worry that i've ruined her life and her mental state and the fact that i get moaned at for everything even if i've done nothing wrong.

I'm really trying to find a way to help my daughter, the ex want her on ADHD medication and to see doctors etc which is fine i suppose. i'm just worried that my daughter will start to be treated differently or people will think she's messed up. i love her so much but i'm scared that my love for her is likely to stop me accepting she may have issues deeper than just being 8.

The Ex, i cannot stand her but i'm stuck with her and she has no problems saying awful stuff to anyone. i'm in a situation where i cannot say anything or share my opinion on our kid.

Sounds daft to some i know, but i was raised by a mother who treated my like scum, i was a good kid but just being alive lead to me being punished, my exes over the years end up doing that same so i know it's a pattern of mine.

but the whole situation is pushing me away from my kid. i lost and scared but mostly worried for my daughter. maybe i just don't understand ADHD, maybe my mind has made me think that it means a kid is "mental" (forgive the word, just couldn't put it any other way) and my issues with how i reject anything that i consider imperfect will make me stop loving my little girl.

i'm just stuck in a corner and i cannot do anything to help things. feel free to tell me to get a grip and grow up. but my head burying skills is off the charts. i'm a master at it.

I remember your earlier posts about the ear defenders mate and I'll say what I say then in a way

What your daughter needs most isn't perfection from you – it's your presence and acceptance. This has to be your north star. A kid her age who gets distracted, bosses other kids around, and becomes emotional when corrected isn't showing signs of being "broken" – she's showing signs of being eight. That didn't mean she gets a free pass but her behaviours even if needing to be corrected is normal. My son is around the same age and certainly when he was younger there be times I'd have to remind myself that he wasn't an adult. I know that's going to sound silly but if get frustrated and say "why are you acting like a real six year old" or whatever and it would sound so ridiculous coming out of my mouth it would help me reframe for myself. Needless to say but children develop at different rates, particularly when it comes to attention and emotional regulation.

It's clear to me that you love her very much and you're suffering from some intergenerational trauma because your mother's love was conditional if it was ever displayed at all, then anye anxiety you feel comes from wanting to protect your daughter from experiencing the pain you did. This is understandable and human.

You are not failing your her, mate. You are showing up. You are loving her. You are thinking deeply about how to help her. All while trying to deal with your own emotional regulation, childhood trauma, a batshit ex, etc. You haven't given up on her even though you're scared. That is not failure. That is strength.

 

[PKwalnuts]

I remember your earlier posts about the ear defenders mate and I'll say what I say then in a way

What your daughter needs most isn't perfection from you – it's your presence and acceptance. This has to be your north star. A kid her age who gets distracted, bosses other kids around, and becomes emotional when corrected isn't showing signs of being "broken" – she's showing signs of being eight. That didn't mean she gets a free pass but her behaviours even if needing to be corrected is normal. My son is around the same age and certainly when he was younger there be times I'd have to remind myself that he wasn't an adult. I know that's going to sound silly but if get frustrated and say "why are you acting like a real six year old" or whatever and it would sound so ridiculous coming out of my mouth it would help me reframe for myself. Needless to say but children develop at different rates, particularly when it comes to attention and emotional regulation.

It's clear to me that you love her very much and you're suffering from some intergenerational trauma because your mother's love was conditional if it was ever displayed at all, then anye anxiety you feel comes from wanting to protect your daughter from experiencing the pain you did. This is understandable and human.

You are not failing your her, mate. You are showing up. You are loving her. You are thinking deeply about how to help her. All while trying to deal with your own emotional regulation, childhood trauma, a batshit ex, etc. You haven't given up on her even though you're scared. That is not failure. That is strength.

Brilliantly put

 

[Gwladysstreetlad]

Things have got so much better since I last posted an update. My Mrs is becoming more and more like herself by the day. She now recognises that she hasn't been well, that most of her fears and anxiety weren't really happening or where at least ultra magnified. She knows that she's getting better and now accepts taking meds isn't something to be scared of or ashmed about. She's not pacing all the time and is actually sleeping and eating properly again. She was able go out for the day and we had six hours away from the hospital today. It was wondeful getting her home for a bit and walking in the sun around our favourite spots. She's using her new phone to call and text me regularly and isn't anxious when she does. The docs are sure they've found the right balance medication wise for her now and have said that if all goes well and continues like this for the coming week then she could be home as early as next weekend. Its difficult to describe how I felt when they told me that. I'm already so unbelievably proud of her for being so brave but seeing her so happy in herself after everything she's been through had me extra emotional.

 

[COYBL25]

Things have got so much better since I last posted an update. My Mrs is becoming more and more like herself by the day. She now recognises that she hasn't been well, that most of her fears and anxiety weren't really happening or where at least ultra magnified. She knows that she's getting better and now accepts taking meds isn't something to be scared of or ashmed about. She's not pacing all the time and is actually sleeping and eating properly again. She was able go out for the day and we had six hours away from the hospital today. It was wondeful getting her home for a bit and walking in the sun around our favourite spots. She's using her new phone to call and text me regularly and isn't anxious when she does. The docs are sure they've found the right balance medication wise for her now and have said that if all goes well and continues like this for the coming week then she could be home as early as next weekend. Its difficult to describe how I felt when they told me that. I'm already so unbelievably proud of her for being so brave but seeing her so happy in herself after everything she's been through had me extra emotional.

Wonderful news mate.

Any talk of a date for coming home ?

 

[Gwladysstreetlad]

Wonderful news mate.

Any talk of a date for coming home ?

They've said the 22nd is the aim mate. They want to see her have more days out during this week, then try for a weekend at home and if that goes well then we can pick up her things on the Monday 24th to come home entirely.

 

[Bryan+]

Got an official diagnosis for trigeminal neuralgia today from a neurology consultant. Have found this one the hardest one to deal with.

 

[Durham Toffee]

Pursuing a diagnosis of ADHD and Autism.

Dr thinks it looks nailed on for both.

I'm nearly 40.

I'm relieved something is coming but so sorrowful that I've been so hard on myself for so many years and let people believe I was inherently broken because I didn't act in the way they expected and it just seemed to them that I was strange or argumentative or aggressive.

Turns out I just couldn't compute situations.

I am trying to forgive myself for 40 years of feeling like I was just an ar**hole.

 

[Spotty]

Pursuing a diagnosis of ADHD and Autism.

Dr thinks it looks nailed on for both.

I'm nearly 40.

I'm relieved something is coming but so sorrowful that I've been so hard on myself for so many years and let people believe I was inherently broken because I didn't act in the way they expected and it just seemed to them that I was strange or argumentative or aggressive.

Turns out I just couldn't compute situations.

I am trying to forgive myself for 40 years of feeling like I was just an ar**hole.

Durham have you applied for PIP. If you have a diagnosis of ADHD etc you could apply for PIP on mental health grounds. There's a to three way process, so if you do apply, follow it through the appeals and Mandatory Reconsideration process. Think " if I don't ask, I won't get " so don't give up. Just a suggestion but I strongly suggest you actually at least apply. They can only say no and the PIP is NOT means tested. Richard Branson could apply for it and get it. Please at least try. You are NOT an arsehole, but you do have a mental health diagnosis.