If he was any angrier, heâ€™d have to change his name to Garth Angry and move to an Angry apartment in Angryville and open an Angry orangery where he sold Angry oranges to make Angry orange cordial.
Whatâ€™s raised his ire I hear you ask?
Simple, heâ€™s annoyed, and justifiably so I might add, about Evertonâ€™s 2-1 victory over Cardiff at the weekend.
Find below, Crooks disgruntled comments. You can literally picture steam coming out of his ears
“After he scored such a lucky winner for Everton against Cardiff IÂ´m almost tempted, if youÂ´ll excuse the pun, to call the right-back Â´ShamelessÂ´ Coleman. Particularly for celebrating his goal, courtesy of a mis-kick, by doing a lap of honour around Goodison Park.
He maybe should have apologised to David Marshall for the fortunate strike that robbed Cardiff of a deserved point. But the Everton defender has been an extra attacking outlet for Roberto Martinez this season and was in the right place at the right time to net once again.
Did you know? The Irish full-back is the top scoring defender in the Premier League this season with six goals – as many as Fernando Torres and Michu combined.”
Quite right too Mr Crooks!
How DARE a footballer celebrate scoring the winning goal in an important home game?
How DARE he be happy to have grabbed a goal that gives his team a valuable 3 points! A 3 points that increases enchances their chances of qualifying for Europe no less.
You know what though? I think Garth Angry is being too kind to Coleman, when he merely demands that he just apologise to the keeper.
An apology is simply not enough!
Seamus Coleman should be handed a 70 Thousand Pound fine and a 15 game ban. I think this is just about fair enough, and could even be considered lenient in the circumstances. And of course he should apologise, that goes without saying, but a simple hand shake in the dressing room isnâ€™t going to cover it.
As soon as the match finished, Coleman should have got on the tannoy and issued a grovelling 10 minute song of apology, complete with intricate dance moves. He then should have made his way to the away exits and laid on the floor so the Cardiff fans could walk over him while they made their way to their coaches, uttering a sorrowful apology as they trampled over his nether regions.
Coleman should have then gone to Cardiff City centre and have himself tied to the Stocks, whereby the people of Cardiff could have thrown rotten fruit and vegetables at him. He then should have signed a legally binding contract that stated if he ever celebrated a goal in the Premier League again, he would immediately be shipped out to sea and fed to a swarm of Giant Squids.
Everton themselves should issue an apology of their own. They should also have been deducted 20 points and banned from European competition for at least 17 years, maybe even 19 years, just to make sure they learned their lesson and did their upmost to stop a player celebrating a last minute winner again.
This chain of events might go some small way to making the situation right, although to truly make this situation right would be nothing short of impossibility. Everton and Seamus Coleman have disgraced the footballing world this weekend. They have committed an atrocity. The city of Liverpool must wear this badge of shame for years to come.
Everton have committed the ultimate sin in football; being happy to win a match.