Everton vs Tottenham

The holidays are coming. The holidays are coming. Hopefully so are three points.

Although the season has petered out into a massive drawfest, the last two have been weirdly optimistic ones. We would have normally folded at a fifty three second goal from Arsenal – and we ended up the better team – then away to the current champions deservedly taking a point away from a team who’ve won 29 of their last 31 home games.

You get a feel that despite some early season promise and a whole load of swerving defeat that we’ve not really kicked into gear yet. A little like Daniel Larusso where he’s started to realise he’s got some moves, nice roundhouses like, but before he’s started truly slapping those boys in red all over the show. We might not win the All-Valley Karate Championship anytime soon like but we’re not going to get meekly lamped by anyone for the immediate future. And well, who knows after that?

If you want proof of our improvement then City switching things about to deal with us was the first pointer. As covered in better online analysis than this, Dzeko not only started but remained on the pitch despite being easily dealt with by our defenders. Secondly and most tellingly, that Head & Shoulders haired prick of a manager detests us and was bleating to the media and trying to snipe cheap shots. Nice to see were under their skin. For all their recent success it’s reassuring to know that they’re still the same bells they always were. They’re still no St Domingo like.

Continuing the theme of difficult games it’s a visit from another North London massive, with the lily-whites of Spurs due in town. Pipe down Chas you bearded meff you’ve only won two leagues in your entire history.

It would be easier for me to go on and pull apart Spurs on that one fact but apart from that they’re a club of some fine repute. Another club that knows its history.

There’s no Spurs love in here, at the end of the day everyone who aren’t Everton are just various shades of bells but there’s more tolerance for some than others. For instance Spurs don’t invoke a feeling of repulsion in many compared to City because they’re always there and thereabouts and have produced some really sound teams who have played very decent togger.

Similar to City and us they share the unpleasantness of being in close proximity to an odious red neighbour who´ve won more shiny things. It’s probably been studied by them mad Asian bastards who are currently tearing the heart out of Cardiff City in the name of modern football progression. “Fire And Passion” sounds f*cking sh*te doesn’t it? It sounds more like the title of Simon Weston’s forthcoming autobiography rather than a motivating club motto designed to unite.

Back to Spurs. It’s possible to write some nice things about them after the hasty departure of the soup faced former manager Redknapp. It was surprising and relieving for many than they didn’t go after Moyes in the summer – and it has been best forgotten but it was against a sickly backdrop of Moyes leaving his options open when questioned about it incessantly in Euro 2012. Despite that they weirdly went for the jarg Jose Mourinho.

Results weren´t so good to begin with but they’ve been motoring along consistently enough to eventually edge us out of the top four where they sit now.

They’ve got a squad full of expensive talented players who if Villas-Boas can get the most out of then won’t be too far away from the top. But that seems like a long standing enigma in football as Spurs squads are of similar cloth and never really nail it. Apart from in the FA Cup.

This decade’s Kanu is Adebayor who is a bit of a tit but is a keen forward on his day and a twat to mark. Viper toothed Defoe is a right little c*nt. He looks like an urchin who’d push you down a tube escalator to rob your iPad but is bang on form at the moment. He only needs a sniff of goal when he’s in the form he´s in at present.

The kopite agreed target of Suarez deflection is gladly missing this game thanks to a suspension but they still possess speed out wide with Aaron Lennon who needs to swerve the eyebrow shaving thing as he looks a tit and it doesn’t stop people realising that he’s a midget who’d lose to Jordan’s son in a straightener.

That bad Texan Dempsey hasn’t really settled in too well yet but a really good signing for them is Dembele who was superb at Fulham and made the switch across easily. A really talented player who will have to be watched closely and stopped from playing.

Sandro provides an athletic shield for a back four that’s likely to contain eyebrowless Vertognen and either Dawson or Gallas. Caulkner has kicked on this year and looks a player as the other full back Kyle Walker did last year. Lloris seems to have won the initial battle against Friedel for the goalkeeper’s jersey and will complete a very decent and expensive Tottenham team. Oh to have rich owners/a London postcode eh? Oh and you can f*ck off too Dave.

Jelavic made a welcome return to being effective in the box by starring in the club’s Christmas video this week. Let’s hope its one week closer to him finding his mojo again. His loss of form has been compensated somewhat by Fellaini being on a one man mission against opposition defences. After he’s sold at some point we’ll probably enthuse over another ace player in royal blue being one of the leading lights in the division but it’s absolutely brilliant to see an Everton player just playing this well. Kanchelskis was probably the last most devastating player of that ability that we had in their peak.

I think this is the week where we’ll see the return of Mirallas to the starting line up and he’s been missed. It probably hasn’t helped Naismith’s cause in being a like for like replacement but it would seem the touchline hugging albino has yet to play himself into form. Pienaar again was busy and more like his old self on the weekend and it’s important he stays on the left where he’s most effective.

I sincerely hope we get a prolonged period of Gibson being fit sooner rather than later. It would be easy to focus on that boss bit in the first half where he took the piss out of four City players at the same time – this year’s Manuel Fernandes moment for the gif lovers – but his influence on our midfield and team can’t be understated. He keeps the passing game going and is always looking for a forward pass. If one Joe Allen buys you thirty Darron Gibson’s then it’s easy to see where them tools across the park are going wrong.

Saying all them nice things about Gibson shouldn’t detract from a really good couple of games from Osman. Against technical teams he more than holds his own in the middle. When he´s good he mixes well with Gibson too.

Despite looking a bit like Hightower from Police Academy with his recent muzzy, Distin works better with Jagielka. He also works well with Heitinga but right now Jagielka is twice the centre half than the Dutchman who hasn’t played well at all this season. Baines is simply ace at left back, Hibbert will play on the right and the Cortina jawed Howard will play between the sticks.

It’s anything but an easy match and has all the ingredients for a very good game indeed. Not that I’m too arsed about a free flowing game of footie, I just want them beat for some weekend gratification enabling wee daydreams of us doing something very decent this season.

It’s not a six pointer. It’s not do or die for any top four hopes. But it is a home game against Spurs for a very good Everton side. Let them do the worrying about us. And get into them blue boys.

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