Jokes Thread


A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says "Mom what's that thing hang down from the elephant?" She answers "That's his trunk" "no in the back" " thats his tail" "No underneath" The mother blushes and says "Oh that's nothing" The daughter is confused so she asks her dad. "Dad what's that thing hanging down under the elephant?" "Oh that's his penis" "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing?"

"Oh, she's just spoiled"
 

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
 
Dylan said:
A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says "Mom what's that thing hang down from the elephant?" She answers "That's his trunk" "no in the back" " thats his tail" "No underneath" The mother blushes and says "Oh that's nothing" The daughter is confused so she asks her dad. "Dad what's that thing hanging down under the elephant?" "Oh that's his penis" "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing?"

"Oh, she's just spoiled"
Click to expand...

Told in far more detail just one page previously.
 

American: God, I love America! At any time, I can march into the White House and say, "Mr Trump, I don't like how you're running America!" You can't do that!

Soviet: Sure I can! At any time, I can march into the Kremlin and say, "Mr Putin, I don't like how you're running America!"
 
Dylan said:
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
Click to expand...
I remember our school teacher telling our class (we were 10) an amended version of that joke. Never forgotten it. He also had another where the punchline was ‘It’s a long way to Tipperary’.
 

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