Jokes Thread

[summerisle]

 

[Kurt.]

A Geordie woman walks into a hairdressers in Newcastle and asks “Can you give us a perm”..
The hairdresser replied “ah wundud lernly as a clood”

 

[Icebabay]

Edinburgh joke award
This year the prize went to Lorna Rose Treen, with her one-liner: "I started dating a zookeeper - but it turned out he was a cheetah."

I've had funnier dukes

I wonder if it was the German zookeeper who could never get past first base, he didn't want to touch zebras

 

[Cels]

Q: What do you call a gender-neutral person who is lactose intolerant?

A: Non-Buy Dairy

 

[Milk]

Laura: "Mum, I had sex with our neighbour last night I feel so dirty"
Mum "Laura, that could be your dad"
Laura "I know I know he's so much older"
Mum "No, Laura, I don't think you understood me"

 

[Cels]

Q: Who's the girl who is really sorry for always talking about environmental issues?

A: Regreta Thunberg

 

[composter]

So, I asked the bloke in the army and navy stores ‘where are your camouflage jackets?’

He said ‘good aren’t they?’

(One of Doddys)

 

[Milk]

It was a snowy day at the White House and President Trump decided to walk outside in the Rose Garden to clear his head. As he walked around the Rose Garden, he noticed yellow, cursive writing, peed in the snow that read, "Convict Trump."

Outraged, Trump brought over the Secret Service and demanded that they investigate. After taking some time for a thorough investigation, a Secret Service agent approached Trump and said, "We've completed our investigation and I'm afraid we have two bad pieces of information for you. The first is that the urine in the snow matches the urine of Vice President Pence."

Trump reeled from the news and said, "That's terrible. I can't imagine anything worse. Did you say there were two pieces of bad news? What's the second one?"

The agent responded, "The handwriting is Melania's."

 

[summerisle]

lol

 

[Bishop Thumpety-Thump]

I’ve just been playing Bonopoly. It’s like Monopoly but the streets have no name.

 

[Rita_Poon]

did you have all the pieces for it?

 

[trueblue84]

I’ve just been playing Bonopoly. It’s like Monopoly but the streets have no name.

I've played that. I wanted to buy a train station. I've been round the board 4 times, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

 

[chrismpw]

I've played that. I wanted to buy a train station. I've been round the board 4 times, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

You too?

 

[Bishop Thumpety-Thump]

I've played that. I wanted to buy a train station. I've been round the board 4 times, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Proper Edgy humour this thread.

 

[LEONARD]