Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
Jamiednm
Player Valuation: £40m
An Englishman decides he wants a quieter life, so sells up and moves to a remote Scottish village up in the highlands.
The first night, there's a knock at the door. He answers and there stands a 6ft 8in Scottish brute, massive ginger beard, kilt, huge leather belt etc. He says "Would ye like to come to a Kay-lee?"
The Englishman said "What's a Kay-lee?"
Scotsman: "Well there'll be lots of eating, lots of drinking, a bit of dancing and lots of shagging"
Englishman: "Yes, that sounds great! What shall I wear?"
Scotsman: "Just come as you are, it'll only be the two of us"
The first night, there's a knock at the door. He answers and there stands a 6ft 8in Scottish brute, massive ginger beard, kilt, huge leather belt etc. He says "Would ye like to come to a Kay-lee?"
The Englishman said "What's a Kay-lee?"
Scotsman: "Well there'll be lots of eating, lots of drinking, a bit of dancing and lots of shagging"
Englishman: "Yes, that sounds great! What shall I wear?"
Scotsman: "Just come as you are, it'll only be the two of us"
Jamiednm
Player Valuation: £40m
An Irishman bought a chainsaw from B&Q.
A couple of days later, he takes it back and says "this is no good to me, you said I could get through 6 trees a day with this, but I'm only doing 2. It's broken or something"
The shop assistant said "Let's have a look at it", then pulls the string and it starts up first time.
Irishman: "What's that f***ing noise?"
A couple of days later, he takes it back and says "this is no good to me, you said I could get through 6 trees a day with this, but I'm only doing 2. It's broken or something"
The shop assistant said "Let's have a look at it", then pulls the string and it starts up first time.
Irishman: "What's that f***ing noise?"
"You're so childish" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends, it’s ridiculous, this relationship is over!"I said, “This relationship is what? Over."
You know the "Church" has reached a new low when during an exorcism a demon suddenly appears and commands the Priest to get out of the child.
Just gave my wife the most amazing orgasm …… the ungrateful cow spat it straight out …
Could go a very different way with that setup couldn't it...?
Super Kevin sheedy
Player Valuation: £10m
Doddy the legend
Super Kevin sheedy
Player Valuation: £10m
Seen Ken loads of times, hilarious
Brendan Janus
Player Valuation: £40m
Ken Dodd ?
Brendan Janus
Player Valuation: £40m
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Is
Is that the Ken Dodd who failed to pay his taxes, even more than Lester Piggott, & got away with it
Good on him if he did