yea, seems like a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario.
If you leave, you're economy is screwed and you have to deal with a messy border situation,
If you stay there'll be a dangerous rise in far right wing populism as well as a lack of trust among other EU nations.
All the while Scotland and N.Ireland prepare for separation referendums.
In my opinion, the best way to deal with this is to put the N.Ireland only backstop before parliament and see if it can get the votes from both sides. It would get the votes, a withdrawal agreement would be signed, the UK would leave the EU. Then the DUP would bring down the government and force a general election which might be no bad thing moving forward.
I realize this might mean Scotland demand the same status as NI and this would be the next bridge to cross.