Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[anjelikaferrett]

None taken at all mate. It's ultimately my responsibility how I behave. What's been interesting is how relatively lonely it's been. Obviously we talk to each other about stuff a lot, but whether it's because they don't know what to say or something, friends and family haven't been in touch a great deal. You like to think they're not good time friends, you know, but it has been noticeable, especially for my wife who doesn't have a community of online weirdos smashers to turn to. It does underline how valuable this thread is though I think, as it's perhaps easier for people to not only open up, but offer support themselves.

Sadly that seems to be very much the norm. I don't think there is malicious intent ever but people don't know what to say. They think if they mention your loss it will upset you so resort to saying nothing - which is probably the worst option.

I have a work colleague who I was representing from a Union perspective because she was on long term sick having had a hernia op. No big problems - very supportive manager, just going through the processes. During the time she was off her husband was diagnosed with, and died of bowel cancer. In 10 weeks. He was 42. She told me that somebody she had thought of as a close friend just stopped talking to her after that and she was convinced that the friend had no idea what to say to her.

We really need to learn to be more open about facing up to things that happen to people. And talk to them about their lives. The good bits and the sad bits.

 

[peteblue]

None taken at all mate. It's ultimately my responsibility how I behave. What's been interesting is how relatively lonely it's been. Obviously we talk to each other about stuff a lot, but whether it's because they don't know what to say or something, friends and family haven't been in touch a great deal. You like to think they're not good time friends, you know, but it has been noticeable, especially for my wife who doesn't have a community of online weirdos smashers to turn to. It does underline how valuable this thread is though I think, as it's perhaps easier for people to not only open up, but offer support themselves.

It‘s the Winter that does it. You need to get out together and get away from the keyboard. You love cycling so get one of these and enjoy life.....

 

[Bruce Wayne]

It‘s the Winter that does it. You need to get out together and get away from the keyboard. You love cycling so get one of these and enjoy life.....

View attachment 79816

I'm not 'that' middle aged Pete

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Sadly that seems to be very much the norm. I don't think there is malicious intent ever but people don't know what to say. They think if they mention your loss it will upset you so resort to saying nothing - which is probably the worst option.

I have a work colleague who I was representing from a Union perspective because she was on long term sick having had a hernia op. No big problems - very supportive manager, just going through the processes. During the time she was off her husband was diagnosed with, and died of bowel cancer. In 10 weeks. He was 42. She told me that somebody she had thought of as a close friend just stopped talking to her after that and she was convinced that the friend had no idea what to say to her.

We really need to learn to be more open about facing up to things that happen to people. And talk to them about their lives. The good bits and the sad bits.

Agree with this. I sense people feel they need to say something wise, when in reality it's just listening that's key.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Thank you. It feels easier saying it here but you’re right I need to tell someone in real life.

This thread is fantastic as a start point, as it's much easier going to see someone when you've opened up to 'someone' that you're struggling. The first step is the hardest.

 

[peteblue]

This thread is fantastic as a start point, as it's much easier going to see someone when you've opened up to 'someone' that you're struggling. The first step is the hardest.

It is my friend. My daughter is trying to sort out her life and of course my wife and I are of absolutely no help because we are too close. An independent counsellor can put things into perspective. Or just buy that tandem......

 

[WA Toffee]

I made that post when I was drunk and, even on a forum where no one knows who tf I am, I felt so embarrassed about it I logged out until now (when I'm drunk again btw).

I get bad anxiety, have low self esteem and constantly question what people think of me. I'm 27, got a good job and get on with so many people yet still fkn hate myself . So I drink.

Not really sure what to do.

Don't worry about it mate, I can guarantee no one in here is judging you. I tend to only post in here after a few beers too, it's much easier to share emotions when you are "liberated".

Drunk or sober, thank you for posting, every post in this thread is valuable

 

[SiEdmo]

I know everyone in here won't be a boxing fan, but if anyone ever feels despair to the point that they don't see a way out/upwards, just look at Tyson Fury. Yes he may not be everyone's cup of tea, but him showing that no matter how macho you may feel or embarrassment at opening up, you can always tell the world your struggles. And no matter how far along the path you are, and how much of a struggle it seems to turn back....not only can you make it back, but you can still become the very best version of yourself.

I haven't had the need to post in here for a while as my head/family/son issues are all resolved/cured/managed now....but i always stop by to read, keep up the good work everyone as always

x

 

[EFCPaul]

Haven't had the best day. First thing this morning my superior made me aware she's not happy with my personality ticks in the work environment.

Had an argument with her. I let spill some of my ongoing frustrations after being prettily reprimanded. Told him how I PO'ed I am by things others do that get let go, her back went up, it got gnarly.

Dunno where it leads from here, feels like there's a only a bad ending destined for this.

 

[Woolverhampton_Blue]

Would give absolutely anything not to wake up tomorrow.

 

[AmericasToffee]

Would give absolutely anything not to wake up tomorrow.

A very serious mood, Woolv. Why's that?

 

[Catfish Blues]

Would give absolutely anything not to wake up tomorrow.

I hope you do mate, and, when you do, post in here so we all know you're OK.

 

[kithnou]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

Just caught up with the thread and offer my sympathies buddy. Hope you are both feeling a little better in the last 2 weeks since your original post.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Would give absolutely anything not to wake up tomorrow.

We're here mate. New day.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Just caught up with the thread and offer my sympathies buddy. Hope you are both feeling a little better in the last 2 weeks since your original post.

Comes and goes, you know? We've been trying to regain a semblance of normality, so went to the theatre last night. The play had Roger Allam in, and was generally pretty good, but it was about a guy (Allam) having 18 clones of his son, none of whom knew the others, and he was having random conversations with each of them about their life. It's a bit of a bizarre plot I know (called A Number if this 'review' sells it to you ), but I struggled with it enormously. It was like 18 different versions of the future. 18 different ways a son could turn out. It felt essentially a play about procreation, and with no women in the cast at all, it felt viscerally personal.