Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[EFCPaul]

Got some bad news earlier. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 6 months ago but doctots said it was something they said could keep under control, least for now. He's since had another scan though and now it's spread to his thighs, the doctors say if radiotherapy doesn't work there's nothing much else they can do for him.

It's looking very likely he's going to have to leave his house (the old family house) and move into a home, at his age and in his condition he simply can't look after himself anymore even if he won't admit it. Feel very sad and worried, we're not close but I do care for him and the thought him not being here much longer really upsets me. His two sisters have both passed away in the past few years, now he's pretty much alone except for his kids. Seems inevitable that his days are numbered too, when I saw him last week he looked extremely old and frail.

Don't know how to healthily deal with this, it's a situation that doesn't look like it can be put off much longer. We have a brother whom the rest of us are totally estranged from (have been for 20 odd years). No doubt he's going to come on the scene again now, really don't want to have confront that either because tempers will flare.

It's all making me a bit low, does anyone have any nice words possibly please? Thanks.

 

[Vegas Toffee Girl]

Got some bad news earlier. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 6 months ago but doctots said it was something they said could keep under control, least for now. He's since had another scan though and now it's spread to his thighs, the doctors say if radiotherapy doesn't work there's nothing much else they can do for him.

It's looking very likely he's going to have to leave his house (the old family house) and move into a home, at his age and in his condition he simply can't look after himself anymore even if he won't admit it. Feel very sad and worried, we're not close but I do care for him and the thought him not being here much longer really upsets me. His two sisters have both passed away in the past few years, now he's pretty much alone except for his kids. Seems inevitable that his days are numbered too, when I saw him last week he looked extremely old and frail.

Don't know how to healthily deal with this, it's a situation that doesn't look like it can be put off much longer. We have a brother whom the rest of us are totally estranged from (have been for 20 odd years). No doubt he's going to come on the scene again now, really don't want to have confront that either because tempers will flare.

It's all making me a bit low, does anyone have any nice words possibly please? Thanks.

I'm very sorry to read about your situation. My Dad passed away suddenly in 2002 and I couldn't get there before he passed.

If I can offer anything, I would say to cherish the time you have with him. Because there are issues with your brother, try not to argue, etc. in front of your Dad. If I was in your Dad's situation, I would want to know that my kids were going to be ok after I'm gone. Be there for him and for each other.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

 

[The Missing Lineker]

Got some bad news earlier. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 6 months ago but doctots said it was something they said could keep under control, least for now. He's since had another scan though and now it's spread to his thighs, the doctors say if radiotherapy doesn't work there's nothing much else they can do for him.

It's looking very likely he's going to have to leave his house (the old family house) and move into a home, at his age and in his condition he simply can't look after himself anymore even if he won't admit it. Feel very sad and worried, we're not close but I do care for him and the thought him not being here much longer really upsets me. His two sisters have both passed away in the past few years, now he's pretty much alone except for his kids. Seems inevitable that his days are numbered too, when I saw him last week he looked extremely old and frail.

Don't know how to healthily deal with this, it's a situation that doesn't look like it can be put off much longer. We have a brother whom the rest of us are totally estranged from (have been for 20 odd years). No doubt he's going to come on the scene again now, really don't want to have confront that either because tempers will flare.

It's all making me a bit low, does anyone have any nice words possibly please? Thanks.

So sorry about your father, mate.

I see two things in your post. One is your obvious compassion for your father and his awful plight. You want to try to ease his journey and that’s a kind and noble intention.

The other thing jumping out of your post is an anticipatory anxiety about a potential confrontation with your estranged brother.

My advice is be led by the former emotion. Don’t let the negative second emotion steal from you precious time with your father. There may be no confrontation with your brother. He may not even turn up. If he does want a scene, walk away. It’s not about him and you; your concern is only with your father.

I think you want to reach out to your father. As I’ve said, I see the motive as being purely compassion.There may be an undercurrent of more complicated emotions and if that’s the case then just making the attempt to be there for him should make it that much easier to eventually work through any complex maelstrom of emotions.

All the best.

 

[EFCPaul]

So sorry about your father, mate.

I see two things in your post. One is your obvious compassion for your father and his awful plight. You want to try to ease his journey and that’s a kind and noble intention.

The other thing jumping out of your post is an anticipatory anxiety about a potential confrontation with your estranged brother.

My advice is be led by the former emotion. Don’t let the negative second emotion steal from you precious time with your father. There may be no confrontation with your brother. He may not even turn up. If he does want a scene, walk away. It’s not about him and you; your concern is only with your father.

I think you want to reach out to your father. As I’ve said, I see the motive as being purely compassion.There may be an undercurrent of more complicated emotions and if that’s the case then just making the attempt to be there for him should make it that much easier to eventually work through any complex maelstrom of emotions.

All the best.

Very kind and wise words, you too @Vegas Toffee Girl.

Taking him for a meal in the next week or so when he feels up to it. Just got to make the most of the time left.

 

[zzr45]

Day before my birthday. I’ve managed a whole 10 minutes up and working before getting back in bed. Hate this time of year.

 

[TheSecondComing]

Anyone who can give me some legal advice would be helping me control my awful anxiety.

 

[Catfish Blues]

Got some bad news earlier. My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 6 months ago but doctots said it was something they said could keep under control, least for now. He's since had another scan though and now it's spread to his thighs, the doctors say if radiotherapy doesn't work there's nothing much else they can do for him.

It's looking very likely he's going to have to leave his house (the old family house) and move into a home, at his age and in his condition he simply can't look after himself anymore even if he won't admit it. Feel very sad and worried, we're not close but I do care for him and the thought him not being here much longer really upsets me. His two sisters have both passed away in the past few years, now he's pretty much alone except for his kids. Seems inevitable that his days are numbered too, when I saw him last week he looked extremely old and frail.

Don't know how to healthily deal with this, it's a situation that doesn't look like it can be put off much longer. We have a brother whom the rest of us are totally estranged from (have been for 20 odd years). No doubt he's going to come on the scene again now, really don't want to have confront that either because tempers will flare.

It's all making me a bit low, does anyone have any nice words possibly please? Thanks.

It's a tough thing to have to deal with mate, so I'd suggest you just go with the flow, be there for your old man, if he wants to talk, then listen, but if he doesn't, then it'll be because he's of a generation which struggles with that kind of communication, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Hopefully the radiotherapy will do the trick, but you're likely stronger than you think, and will cope. But don't forget to care about yourself and, if you need a place to vent, a shoulder to cry on or just a place to share stuff, then you have friends here who'll listen.

 

[Grinch]

I post it every couple months but..... please feel free to reach out to me if you need some one to talk to, depressed, suicidal, etc. I work in a mental health facility here in the States and would be a friend/companion to you in your journey to true happiness. I cant promise I myself would be able to help but I will be more than happy to find resources or people to connect you with! Please feel free to reach out

 

[collymcd]

I've been hesitating to post this for different reasons but decided I will. Some other people's stories here have encouraged me to.

I'm actually a psychoanalyst and have been the director of a clinic for the past six years. When we launched the clinic I put my heart and soul in to it. Psychoanalysis, like the material it focuses on, is really complex and can be very intimidating to people. I took it as my mission not only to work clinically to help people the best I can, but to run a clinic as animated as psychoanalysis can and should be. It's about life and living after all, not just suffering.

I worked around the clock towards those aims. Trying to engage with all different sorts of mediums & discourses. Unfortunately I couldn't say the other directors were half as enthused as me. Despite this I kept plugging away. Over the years I became frustrated and ultimately felt used. One of the other directors was fond of using the phrase "If people want to work let them at it." I figured out that's what was being done with me. They were just edging me along with platitudes so I'd do more work.

It's extremely difficult to work with people who have no interest. After a couple of years of this I couldn't really take it anymore and withdrew myself mentally from that side of the clinic. In my work with patients I was ever-present of course, but with the progression of 'the clinic' I all but gave up. I was foolish to think that I could isolate this because over time I felt I had withdrawn my interest from most things. I was a dead man walking. A really bleak and miserable period of my life.

Leaving the clinic and starting my own one has always crossed my mind. I always made the argument to myself that I had invested too much time and energy already. Not least because of the uncertainty around starting from scratch. The clinic was my baby. How could I walk away from it? Finally in the Summer I did decide to walk away.

Since then I've been working towards setting up my own place and we actually opened our doors this week. Although it's a really uncertain and anxiety provoking time for me I know it's the right thing to do in the long run. Reading @Disgruntledgoat and @Whiteandblue posts touched a chord with me so I decided to come forward with my story. Doing what's right for us seems to nearly always involve taking chunks out of ourselves.

I know almost all of you are from Liverpool, but if there's ever any Dublin based blues that need help in future don't be afraid to get in touch. I'd do my best to help you out.

 

[thebluenosebolt]

I post it every couple months but..... please feel free to reach out to me if you need some one to talk to, depressed, suicidal, etc. I work in a mental health facility here in the States and would be a friend/companion to you in your journey to true happiness. I cant promise I myself would be able to help but I will be more than happy to find resources or people to connect you with! Please feel free to reach out

Not being funny like, with a profile pic like that, is it wise for any of us to reach out ??

 

[Bishop Thumpety-Thump]

Having a major anxiety breakout this week (often sparked by world events- coronavirus has kicked me off even though my doctor mate has just said it's no worse than flu and is being hyped to the max....it was the election of trump last time....). Anyway, I've got the gp on Monday after asking online whether I can up meds (20mh citalopram to 40mg). Loss of appetite and broken sleep has led me to make appointment (am.lucky through work I can get CBT also which I will do for 3rd time in as many years!!)
Same doctor friend of mine (suffers depression) says to ask re mirtazipine for anxiety and will help sleep....anyone experienced that? Anxiety is pretty much the sole issue, touch of depression at most.

I was on Mirtazapine a while back for a couple of years. Wasn't sleeping and was struggling to function. My GP got me on to them, they defo helped with my sleep patterns and with reducing the attendant anxiety that came with insomnia, however they also had some annoying side effects, weight gain being the main thing for me. Would recommend you talk to your Doc about your sleep issues and see what they recommend. Let us know how you get on mate.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

 

[bigjonny]

Deepest sympathies to you @Bruce Wayne and your wife.

 

[COYBL25]

So, at the start of this year, the wife found out she was pregnant. We weren't not planning, but equally, we're both over 40 so didn't really expect anything to happen either, so it was a bit of a shock. At our age, these things aren't straightforward though, and she was really sick the past fortnight. I work from home, so was able to look after her, but her family obviously live in another country, and mine are [Poor language removed], so we've been kind of on our own with it. It didn't help (from my perspective at least) that the medical staff seem to treat you like you're not there during any consultation.

On Tuesday, due to complications, we lost the baby. I'd kinda considered that parenting wouldn't happen, for a variety of reasons, but had warmed to the idea over the past 6 weeks. Obviously my wife has been pretty unwell physically, and it's been very hard mentally as well, so you try and be strong for her while also trying to keep things ticking over, as I freelance so don't get any sick pay or any of that. Being busy has perhaps helped to not think about things too much, but with our age, we both appreciate that this may have been the last chance.

We're looking for a decent couples counsellor to go to, but haven't told anyone yet what's happened, and it feels very lonely at the minute. You random internet weirdos will do.

It’s a horrible thing that’s happened mate and from experience with a couple of mates that had the same thing, it can hit the lady hard.

There’s no right way or wrong way to deal with getting over this, just support each other as best as you can.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

It’s a horrible thing that’s happened mate and from experience with a couple of mates that had the same thing, it can hit the lady hard.

There’s no right way or wrong way to deal with getting over this, just support each other as best as you can.

Aye, doing our best mate, some days good, some days bad. Kinda hits home not having family around though, you know?