Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Brett Angell Delight]

I do think about suicide every single day but I don't think it makes me suicidal.
I used to say "Oh I wouldn't do anything because of my daughter " but things have changed.
I have had an extremely tough few years.
My ex wife had an affair. She hit me on one occasion leaving me with a black eye.
She took out credit in my name leaving me with 3 ccjs.
But she denies absolutely everything and I'm now a liar.
We are divorced but now were going to court to sort out finances.
But not once has my 15 year old daughter turned round to her mum and said "give dad a break and give dad a chance to start his life again.
Work and my bosses have kepg me going.

That's terrible, mate.

Teenagers often can't/won't see beyond the end of their nose, and it will be especially difficult for your daughter to speak up on your behalf if she has your ex saying negative things all the time.

It is far easier said than done, I know, but give it time. Don't burn your bridges with the girl that was your reason for living not so long ago. Be the bigger man, bide your time and I am sure you can recover that relationship again.

In the meantime, pipe up in here or in DMs if you need a chat.

 

[Spotty]

I do think about suicide every single day but I don't think it makes me suicidal.
I used to say "Oh I wouldn't do anything because of my daughter " but things have changed.
I have had an extremely tough few years.
My ex wife had an affair. She hit me on one occasion leaving me with a black eye.
She took out credit in my name leaving me with 3 ccjs.
But she denies absolutely everything and I'm now a liar.
We are divorced but now were going to court to sort out finances.
But not once has my 15 year old daughter turned round to her mum and said "give dad a break and give dad a chance to start his life again.
Work and my bosses have kepg me going.

Dave a small suggestion. Write your daughter a letter. Tell her you love her, that the separation is nothing to do with her and that you'll always be there for her. Give her the option of writing back to you, that you won't judge her if she doesn't reply, and leave it at that. Give her a bit breathing space. By writing you are treating her with respect and you would have shown her you love her and will be there for her. Good luck sir.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

It has been suggested to me that I may want to go and get myself assessed for ADD/ADHD by my doctor and everybody i spoke to about it agreed. On the one hand, this feels like it could explain a lot... I spent a lot of the last few days researching it and a lot of it sounds familiar going right back to childhood.

On the other hand... what if theres nothing wrong with me and I'm actually just lazy, disorganised and unmotivated?

 

[Nymzee]

It has been suggested to me that I may want to go and get myself assessed for ADD/ADHD by my doctor and everybody i spoke to about it agreed. On the one hand, this feels like it could explain a lot... I spent a lot of the last few days researching it and a lot of it sounds familiar going right back to childhood.

On the other hand... what if theres nothing wrong with me and I'm actually just lazy, disorganised and unmotivated?

Just weigh up how much you're bothered I guess.

If you go and they say no, that's the end of that.

If you go and say no then, if you think necessary, there are things to combat it.

Nothing to lose maybe?

 

[Earwigjoe]

It has been suggested to me that I may want to go and get myself assessed for ADD/ADHD by my doctor and everybody i spoke to about it agreed. On the one hand, this feels like it could explain a lot... I spent a lot of the last few days researching it and a lot of it sounds familiar going right back to childhood.

On the other hand... what if theres nothing wrong with me and I'm actually just lazy, disorganised and unmotivated?

I know a guy who's I'd guess is in his 50s.He was often unhappy and sometimes unpleasant but got tested for autism and conclusion was he was on the spectrum and had just never being tested. He was so happy for the diagnosis he became alot happier and content with life because he had an explanation. I know adhd is different but sometimes an answer or explanation of our behaviour can give us such peace he came to terms with relationships, friendship breakdowns etc. and he stopped asking what's wrong with me. Stop worrying mate and go get tested especially if you think you could be.

 

[helpimonfire]

It has been suggested to me that I may want to go and get myself assessed for ADD/ADHD by my doctor and everybody i spoke to about it agreed. On the one hand, this feels like it could explain a lot... I spent a lot of the last few days researching it and a lot of it sounds familiar going right back to childhood.

On the other hand... what if theres nothing wrong with me and I'm actually just lazy, disorganised and unmotivated?

We are all different, but having a diagnosis helped me to understand why I was as I was. Once I could understand that I could accept that I needed help and therapy.

You are not lazy buddy, and you have nothing to lose in being tested, but maybe something to gain.

Whatever you decide good luck with it

 

[Glasshalffull]

Can't remember if I've said this already, but a year ago my wife was dying in front of me and I was alone. In desperation, I messaged on here and received a fantastic supportive message in return. I just want to formally record my immense gratitude to whoever got back to me and say that, alongside two other sets of people, I owe you a debt I can never, ever, repay. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Can't say anything more because I can hardly see for tears. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Forever in your debt. Keep up the stupendous work for others, please.

 

[COYBL25]

Can't remember if I've said this already, but a year ago my wife was dying in front of me and I was alone. In desperation, I messaged on here and received a fantastic supportive message in return. I just want to formally record my immense gratitude to whoever got back to me and say that, alongside two other sets of people, I owe you a debt I can never, ever, repay. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Can't say anything more because I can hardly see for tears. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Forever in your debt. Keep up the stupendous work for others, please.

What a wonderful post.

Well in mate.

 

[Glasshalffull]

What a wonderful post.

Well in mate.

Well that hasn't helped with the tears, but thanks for what you say. We're all indebted to people who take the time and trouble to look after others. Thank you again.

 

[Spotty]

It has been suggested to me that I may want to go and get myself assessed for ADD/ADHD by my doctor and everybody i spoke to about it agreed. On the one hand, this feels like it could explain a lot... I spent a lot of the last few days researching it and a lot of it sounds familiar going right back to childhood.

On the other hand... what if theres nothing wrong with me and I'm actually just lazy, disorganised and unmotivated?

Do you " need " a diagnosis m8. Just wondering why you would need one. If you need help with any issues your Dr should treat your symptoms regardless of the diagnosis. Here's a thought for you re: getting a diagnosis. If you look under the criteria for personality disorder - there are " ten " types " such as narcissistic, anti social etc. The point is I meet a number of the criteria needed for a PD diagnosis and I think we all do. Some diagnosis are helpfull, some aren't. ADHD as a diagnosis is relatively " new " one, with some people questioning it. Good luck with it disgruntled.

 

[andy4efc]

I posted some time ago regarding my life and mental struggles. I can openly say I did/do have a gambling problem, and while I quit then it came back slowly over a few weeks, through my own struggle of resisting and possibly even a bit of unknowing enabling from my partner. When posting I think i had quit but hadn't quite "bit the bullet" and left a door open for me to do it "responsibly". Think someone said don't bother, even a tiny thing will draw you back in and it was absolutely correct.

Still struggling feeling low a fair bit, however generally the outlook has been positive. Hit a low point with the gambling 71 days ago (nothing major, no debt, nothing just having that struggle of having to do it and having it as a persistent hobby rather than a bit of fun on a Saturday but feeling that NEED to do it, even if it was only small stakes.). I can't say it's the worst night of my life, as unfortunately my family has been through a hell of a lot worse but I can say it's been the lowest I've felt through my own making. Since then I haven't looked back with betting since, still see adverts and stuff which makes me think and miss it, but ultimately I've thrown myself into work more, thrown myself into COD more, setting my gaming set up even more and really going "yeah, you know what the money I spent on football betting can now go to improving this, improving the house saving, saving money for a car etc". Gambling doesn't get the 'credit' it deserves for being a disease. Being addicted to it has shaped the entirety of my life from the age of 18, gradually taking more control. Honestly without my Mrs i'd 100% still be doing it. It is a life ruiner, and i'm lucky that I've had a mrs that has understood and been supportive. Thankfully i've closed any accounts I have but If i had the chance to look back at how much I'd lost betting over 10 years I would honestly throw up.

Also helps that work is actually a bit quieter due to COVID, become good mates with colleague in the office, Everton look like an ACTUAL football team for the first time in years and years. Looking forward to going to Goodison again. Had the courage to try Sunday League, not my thing after a few games, had an extremely unwelcoming experience with bluekipper years ago but reached 28/29 and decided I need to try it. Absolutely thrown myself into gaming, which is something i'm good at and can be a huge positive 'release' for me. Also at the point where a house deposit is on the horizon, even though its gone up to 15% we will be in a good position to buy with house prices plummeting soon. Will be starting a family soon.

I am 100% confident Everton will that positivity soon, naturally. However I feel in a better place than 3 months ago. For anyone else who feels or knows they've got a problem, there is always 100% a way out of it, you just need to find your way. I've found mine by throwing myself back into gaming and football (a good balance of activity) and distracting myself and now I feel comfortable dismissing betting or having no interest. I have other insecurities but most of the ones ive had in the past 10 years have led back in some direct, or indirect way to gambling.

Sorry for the long read, honestly don't know where else i'd post this just to vent it out I guess, but think its a good example that you can feel low, you can be lonely, you can be positive, you can be relatively happy, you can exercise, its normal but just not let those things be down to a problem that you CAN cut out. I dont think this applies just to a gambling problem, it can relate to smoking and drinking and others im sure. I still feel quite isolated, I don't have a social group, just a work mate or two and my fiance, so can be quite low and lonely sometimes, but apart from that I'm still managing to be positive and focus on the positive aspects of things. Honestly if you can do that, then you can overcome almost anything.

Hopefully another good performance tonight by the blues and I can hit day 72 with another positive start.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

It has been suggested to me that I may want to go and get myself assessed for ADD/ADHD by my doctor and everybody i spoke to about it agreed. On the one hand, this feels like it could explain a lot... I spent a lot of the last few days researching it and a lot of it sounds familiar going right back to childhood.

On the other hand... what if theres nothing wrong with me and I'm actually just lazy, disorganised and unmotivated?

If you have got a job, it might be worth trying to get a diagnosis. In my experience of helping union members get reasonable adjustments because of illness/disability and even medical retirement, employers love a name for something. If they have a condition or diagnosis that they can hang their hat on, all the processes and avenues for help become easier. I represented a man a couple of years ago who suffered from chronic pain. Really awful, some days he would be kneeling on the floor of the office in agony. None of the medics could find the cause - suggestions ranged from a twisted testicle, a trapped nerve, a hernia -all kinds of things. Nobody thought he was faking but because there was no diagnosis it was so hard to get things in place for him at work.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

If you have got a job, it might be worth trying to get a diagnosis. In my experience of helping union members get reasonable adjustments because of illness/disability and even medical retirement, employers love a name for something. If they have a condition or diagnosis that they can hang their hat on, all the processes and avenues for help become easier. I represented a man a couple of years ago who suffered from chronic pain. Really awful, some days he would be kneeling on the floor of the office in agony. None of the medics could find the cause - suggestions ranged from a twisted testicle, a trapped nerve, a hernia -all kinds of things. Nobody thought he was faking but because there was no diagnosis it was so hard to get things in place for him at work.

I had to quit my job back in Juky because I just couldnt see a time when i would be able to perform it at the level required. I'd been there a year and felt I was hanging on by my fingernails the whole time. I was off work sick for three months with burnout which I thought was what was causing my inability to focus and increasing the pressure on me all the time but now we suspect it may be part of the issue but not the whole picture.

 

[Earwigjoe]

I posted some time ago regarding my life and mental struggles. I can openly say I did/do have a gambling problem, and while I quit then it came back slowly over a few weeks, through my own struggle of resisting and possibly even a bit of unknowing enabling from my partner. When posting I think i had quit but hadn't quite "bit the bullet" and left a door open for me to do it "responsibly". Think someone said don't bother, even a tiny thing will draw you back in and it was absolutely correct.

Still struggling feeling low a fair bit, however generally the outlook has been positive. Hit a low point with the gambling 71 days ago (nothing major, no debt, nothing just having that struggle of having to do it and having it as a persistent hobby rather than a bit of fun on a Saturday but feeling that NEED to do it, even if it was only small stakes.). I can't say it's the worst night of my life, as unfortunately my family has been through a hell of a lot worse but I can say it's been the lowest I've felt through my own making. Since then I haven't looked back with betting since, still see adverts and stuff which makes me think and miss it, but ultimately I've thrown myself into work more, thrown myself into COD more, setting my gaming set up even more and really going "yeah, you know what the money I spent on football betting can now go to improving this, improving the house saving, saving money for a car etc". Gambling doesn't get the 'credit' it deserves for being a disease. Being addicted to it has shaped the entirety of my life from the age of 18, gradually taking more control. Honestly without my Mrs i'd 100% still be doing it. It is a life ruiner, and i'm lucky that I've had a mrs that has understood and been supportive. Thankfully i've closed any accounts I have but If i had the chance to look back at how much I'd lost betting over 10 years I would honestly throw up.

Also helps that work is actually a bit quieter due to COVID, become good mates with colleague in the office, Everton look like an ACTUAL football team for the first time in years and years. Looking forward to going to Goodison again. Had the courage to try Sunday League, not my thing after a few games, had an extremely unwelcoming experience with bluekipper years ago but reached 28/29 and decided I need to try it. Absolutely thrown myself into gaming, which is something i'm good at and can be a huge positive 'release' for me. Also at the point where a house deposit is on the horizon, even though its gone up to 15% we will be in a good position to buy with house prices plummeting soon. Will be starting a family soon.

I am 100% confident Everton will that positivity soon, naturally. However I feel in a better place than 3 months ago. For anyone else who feels or knows they've got a problem, there is always 100% a way out of it, you just need to find your way. I've found mine by throwing myself back into gaming and football (a good balance of activity) and distracting myself and now I feel comfortable dismissing betting or having no interest. I have other insecurities but most of the ones ive had in the past 10 years have led back in some direct, or indirect way to gambling.

Sorry for the long read, honestly don't know where else i'd post this just to vent it out I guess, but think its a good example that you can feel low, you can be lonely, you can be positive, you can be relatively happy, you can exercise, its normal but just not let those things be down to a problem that you CAN cut out. I dont think this applies just to a gambling problem, it can relate to smoking and drinking and others im sure. I still feel quite isolated, I don't have a social group, just a work mate or two and my fiance, so can be quite low and lonely sometimes, but apart from that I'm still managing to be positive and focus on the positive aspects of things. Honestly if you can do that, then you can overcome almost anything.

Hopefully another good performance tonight by the blues and I can hit day 72 with another positive start.

Well done mate you should be proud of yourself and your fiance. Your post was so long because of all YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS. Read your own post again mate. Amazing mate keep up the hard work and you'll achieve all them goals

 

[Spotty]

I posted some time ago regarding my life and mental struggles. I can openly say I did/do have a gambling problem, and while I quit then it came back slowly over a few weeks, through my own struggle of resisting and possibly even a bit of unknowing enabling from my partner. When posting I think i had quit but hadn't quite "bit the bullet" and left a door open for me to do it "responsibly". Think someone said don't bother, even a tiny thing will draw you back in and it was absolutely correct.

Still struggling feeling low a fair bit, however generally the outlook has been positive. Hit a low point with the gambling 71 days ago (nothing major, no debt, nothing just having that struggle of having to do it and having it as a persistent hobby rather than a bit of fun on a Saturday but feeling that NEED to do it, even if it was only small stakes.). I can't say it's the worst night of my life, as unfortunately my family has been through a hell of a lot worse but I can say it's been the lowest I've felt through my own making. Since then I haven't looked back with betting since, still see adverts and stuff which makes me think and miss it, but ultimately I've thrown myself into work more, thrown myself into COD more, setting my gaming set up even more and really going "yeah, you know what the money I spent on football betting can now go to improving this, improving the house saving, saving money for a car etc". Gambling doesn't get the 'credit' it deserves for being a disease. Being addicted to it has shaped the entirety of my life from the age of 18, gradually taking more control. Honestly without my Mrs i'd 100% still be doing it. It is a life ruiner, and i'm lucky that I've had a mrs that has understood and been supportive. Thankfully i've closed any accounts I have but If i had the chance to look back at how much I'd lost betting over 10 years I would honestly throw up.

Also helps that work is actually a bit quieter due to COVID, become good mates with colleague in the office, Everton look like an ACTUAL football team for the first time in years and years. Looking forward to going to Goodison again. Had the courage to try Sunday League, not my thing after a few games, had an extremely unwelcoming experience with bluekipper years ago but reached 28/29 and decided I need to try it. Absolutely thrown myself into gaming, which is something i'm good at and can be a huge positive 'release' for me. Also at the point where a house deposit is on the horizon, even though its gone up to 15% we will be in a good position to buy with house prices plummeting soon. Will be starting a family soon.

I am 100% confident Everton will that positivity soon, naturally. However I feel in a better place than 3 months ago. For anyone else who feels or knows they've got a problem, there is always 100% a way out of it, you just need to find your way. I've found mine by throwing myself back into gaming and football (a good balance of activity) and distracting myself and now I feel comfortable dismissing betting or having no interest. I have other insecurities but most of the ones ive had in the past 10 years have led back in some direct, or indirect way to gambling.

Sorry for the long read, honestly don't know where else i'd post this just to vent it out I guess, but think its a good example that you can feel low, you can be lonely, you can be positive, you can be relatively happy, you can exercise, its normal but just not let those things be down to a problem that you CAN cut out. I dont think this applies just to a gambling problem, it can relate to smoking and drinking and others im sure. I still feel quite isolated, I don't have a social group, just a work mate or two and my fiance, so can be quite low and lonely sometimes, but apart from that I'm still managing to be positive and focus on the positive aspects of things. Honestly if you can do that, then you can overcome almost anything.

Hopefully another good performance tonight by the blues and I can hit day 72 with another positive start.

I love these posts of encouragement. They give people hope when sometimes they have none. Well said fella, great post.