Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Blue Cheese]

Thanks, I hadn't thought about acupuncture or ultrasound. Good call. I'm going to argue that he is covered by the Equality Act because it is a long term condition (even if it hasn't got a name!) and it does affect his day to day activity but work have already done quite a bit as regards specialist equipment like keyboards and a chair that reclines. My concern is that they will say we've done as much as we can but you still can't manage to attend regularly and dismiss him.

If he's in a job that he sits down and has doing himself any favours anyway, he should be trying to be more mobile, or so everyone tells me anyway.

Back cushions for his lumbar and cervical spine. Definitely out of everything have him look into traction, traction separates(pulls apart) your vertebrae and just relieves some pressure. It need to be done regular but I 100% think he would benefit from it, wish I had it earlier.

Not every condition, especially when they don't know what it is, gets a name, that's what they're trying to find surely?

Also, tell them that those injections aren't great at all, hardly give you any benefit, well that's my experience.

 

[BiggyRat]

How does she feel about canning the netball? Was she actually enjoying it? I think if my folks curtailed something I loved it would hit me pretty hard.

I'm genuinely asking as I have three girls and want to make sure I don't ruin their lives!

Not quite sure that we're ruining her life but... She realises it's not forever & understands that she'll be free to get back into it next year. I think it's a lot easier to manage it as she realises herself that she can't enjoy the game while going through this anxiety. We made sure that it wasn't us just making an arbitrary decision, she had as much of a say in it as anyone.

We're also keeping an eye on Daughter number 2 as this is affecting her now. She finds school a bigger struggle & hasn't had the sporting "luck" that the other one has had. There is a knock on affect and we're now having to keep an eye on her health as well.

Good luck with your three! Two's a handful for us right now!

 

[John23]

I just feel like life keeps knocking me down and then pointing at me laughing when I'm on the floor.

Every direction I choose to take only leads a dead-end. Being an honest, genuine person with morals and self-respect gets you absolutely nowhere whilst being an arsehole who lies and makes no effort to be nice to others gets you all the good things in life. Everything I've experienced has just reinforced these beliefs.

I'm scared, scared things will never improve because every time they look as if they might (through my efforts, not because things have just come to me) they ultimately just fall flat, time and time again and in cruel ways whilst horrible people prosper. One day I'm going to get knocked down and decide to not get back up again.

You being threatened mate?

 

[John23]

@phil relax mate

 

[trebilcock66]

I just feel like life keeps knocking me down and then pointing at me laughing when I'm on the floor.

Every direction I choose to take only leads a dead-end. Being an honest, genuine person with morals and self-respect gets you absolutely nowhere whilst being an arsehole who lies and makes no effort to be nice to others gets you all the good things in life. Everything I've experienced has just reinforced these beliefs.

I'm scared, scared things will never improve because every time they look as if they might (through my efforts, not because things have just come to me) they ultimately just fall flat, time and time again and in cruel ways whilst horrible people prosper. One day I'm going to get knocked down and decide to not get back up again.

I can understand why anybody might feel at times as though life is very unfair indeed. My therapist has helped me to understand that life is indeed unfair sometimes but that unfairness is random - it's not a reflection on me - it's just the normal chaos of the universe.

I too feel that my problems will never go away sometimes. When i'm feeling that way, one model my therapist showed me was the Drama triangle. Think of a triangle. One corner is called rescuer, one corner is called persecutor and the other corner is labelled victim. In stressful or conflict situations we can adopt one of these roles because it feels comfortable or safe. But they're all destructive postures.

When I feel powerless, I'm settling for the role of victim. So if I'm at the mercy of forces beyond my control, why should I carry on trying to deal with my issues? I'll never win. (Look at your words above).

Once I learned to see things differently, I started to put effort in again to deal with problems. Because I knew that it was the only way to resolve things. No point waiting for luck to come along - it probably never will. No point in sitting back and letting things get worse because they will. And no point in taking the ultimate way out because to do that means settling for the status quo.

Over time and with support I changed that victim hat for that of 'creator' a person who uses his own energy and skills to create new ways out of difficulties. Someone who gives himself permission to succeed. Took me a while but I'm better today than I've been in years.

Your feelings are human and normal. They are not a reflection of your value as a person. You have worth no matter how bad things get. Your personal values of decency and honesty give you that worth. Give yourself permission to feel happier or at least to feel capable. And you can look forward over time to feeling better

 

[EFCPaul]

You being threatened mate?

No mate just very down, feel like I treat people with kindness and honesty but only get s*** in return. Whether it's being deliberately left out of fun things by colleagues, messed about girls or ignored by close friends and family when I need them most.

I don't feel like a success as a person, not one bit. I try hard to do what I think are the right things and be a good person but it has ultimately gotten me nowhere, whereas all around me there's people who have far more negative character traits who just seem to have everything come easy to them and get the enjoy the happiness I so badly crave.

Struggling really badly.

 

[John23]

No mate just very down, feel like I treat people with kindness and honesty but only get s*** in return. Whether it's being deliberately left out of fun things by colleagues, messed about girls or ignored by close friends and family when I need them most.

I don't feel like a success as a person, not one bit. I try hard to do what I think are the right things and be a good person but it has ultimately gotten me nowhere, whereas all around me there's people who have far more negative character traits who just seem to have everything come easy to them and get the enjoy the happiness I so badly crave.

Struggling really badly.

What age you lad?

 

[John23]

@paul ilm out to smash people mare so don't be worrying about [Poor language removed] kid @Chico is lucky I'm keeping him alive innit

 

[Blue Cheese]

@paul ilm out to smash people mare so don't be worrying about [Poor language removed] kid @Chico is lucky I'm keeping him alive innit

Please don't bring your drunken ramblings in here; this is a serious thread for people who have real problems.

 

[trebilcock66]

No mate just very down, feel like I treat people with kindness and honesty but only get s*** in return. Whether it's being deliberately left out of fun things by colleagues, messed about girls or ignored by close friends and family when I need them most.

I don't feel like a success as a person, not one bit. I try hard to do what I think are the right things and be a good person but it has ultimately gotten me nowhere, whereas all around me there's people who have far more negative character traits who just seem to have everything come easy to them and get the enjoy the happiness I so badly crave.

Struggling really badly.

Carry on posting in here. Lots of people listening to you ..... no judgements. Just listening.

 

[Jokerdan]

No mate just very down, feel like I treat people with kindness and honesty but only get s*** in return. Whether it's being deliberately left out of fun things by colleagues, messed about girls or ignored by close friends and family when I need them most.

I don't feel like a success as a person, not one bit. I try hard to do what I think are the right things and be a good person but it has ultimately gotten me nowhere, whereas all around me there's people who have far more negative character traits who just seem to have everything come easy to them and get the enjoy the happiness I so badly crave.

Struggling really badly.

Man, l cannot help but feel you are placing too much pressure on yourself. The trick is just to take each day as it comes and treat it in isolation. Bad day today but a better day yesterday and tomorrow. I've said before and will repeat myself ad nauseum but you are a good person who just needs to realise that 'bad' things are not saddlebags you have to carry around with you for life. It is a stage you are going through, your confidence and optimism have taken a knock and you will have to draw on your inner reserves to get back on an even keel. I said previously that negativity only breeds negativity and its human nature that stops people wanting to be around others who project such an aura. It's baby steps l know but just doing or saying something each day that puts a smile on someone else's face will kick start your confidence. The more comfortable it becomes the easier it becomes and also has the effect that when something 'bad' happens - and in your current state any situation like that and which most people would simply shrug off is magnified a hundred fold - you will also realise to treat it as the imposter it is, file it under 'bin' and move on instead of over analysing and dwelling on it. Try the elastic band method - it really does work.

 

[EFCPaul]

Man, l cannot help but feel you are placing too much pressure on yourself. The trick is just to take each day as it comes and treat it in isolation. Bad day today but a better day yesterday and tomorrow. I've said before and will repeat myself ad nauseum but you are a good person who just needs to realise that 'bad' things are not saddlebags you have to carry around with you for life. It is a stage you are going through, your confidence and optimism have taken a knock and you will have to draw on your inner reserves to get back on an even keel. I said previously that negativity only breeds negativity and its human nature that stops people wanting to be around others who project such an aura. It's baby steps l know but just doing or saying something each day that puts a smile on someone else's face will kick start your confidence. The more comfortable it becomes the easier it becomes and also has the effect that when something 'bad' happens - and in your current state any situation like that and which most people would simply shrug off is magnified a hundred fold - you will also realise to treat it as the imposter it is, file it under 'bin' and move on instead of over analysing and dwelling on it. Try the elastic band method - it really does work.

Mate I put pressure on myself because I feel like I'm missing out on so much and I don't want things to carry on the way they are for any longer, I have to make active steps to change it. Telling me "take each day as it comes" does absolutely nothing for overall mood, I only feel worse and worse because no day is any better than the other otherwise.

I'm fed up of being a nearly man, a bloke who chewed up and spat out again because I'm too nice or naive or both whilst arseholes get ahead and enjoy the sort of things I want to enjoy too.

 

[Jokerdan]

Mate - lve been there and not only worn the shirt but manufactured it. As l said it's baby steps and you have to learn to love yourself and try to take each day as it comes. We are all concerned for you in this situation but please don't put unnecessary demands on yourself as it just adds to the pressure. There are positives in life and you just need to learn how to recognise them. I presume you are seeking professional/non-professional advice (l did and it works because it is good to speak to someone who has the nous to understand your feelings and can provide some perspective. Many of these counsellors have been through similar life crises so can empathise).
For what it's worth l also believe in karma and what comes round goes round. So the knob jockeys you refer to will face their own demons in time whilst you settle down to achieve a more stable, pleasant and successful life...because it will happen. Life really is a cycle.

 

[JelavicBrate2]

I feel so sorry for young people today - there is so much pressure on them, and girls more so than boys. My daughter is 19, she's gorgeous, a six foot tall red head with curves in all the right places. She hates her hair, her figure, that she's tall. All down to the crap she reads in magazines and sees on the telly about how you have to be thin, a size 12 is fat etc....

I feel for your daughter, last year of school is tough too, again so much pressure on them. I'd hate to be a teenager nowadays. Sending you and her happy thoughts. x

I think life can be even harder if your on social media. Social media portrays a false reality of what life is like as people only share their good times no their bad times. I'm off social media and I'm a lot happier because I don't compare myself to others. Normal is what your used to, just do the best you can with what you've given that's all you can do.

 

[Abertonian]

Mate I put pressure on myself because I feel like I'm missing out on so much and I don't want things to carry on the way they are for any longer, I have to make active steps to change it. Telling me "take each day as it comes" does absolutely nothing for overall mood, I only feel worse and worse because no day is any better than the other otherwise.

I'm fed up of being a nearly man, a bloke who chewed up and spat out again because I'm too nice or naive or both whilst arseholes get ahead and enjoy the sort of things I want to enjoy too.

Sorry to butt in on this mate. I know how you feel and therefore I know that whatever any of us say won't change anything for you. It's something you need to find from within.

I watched this recently and then read her book (not affiliated with her btw), some of what she says might not be relevant but one thing that stuck with me was the idea that what make you think everyone else is having a good time? That they aren't all being crippled by the same doubts and insecurities?