Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Gwladysstreetlad]

Just posting in here to vent because this place saved me from losing my mind last year when I had a cancer scare. I don't like sharing my problems as a rule but the kindness I've been shown on here before makes me feel ok about it. Basically my Mrs has had a mental breakdown, she had issues with her phone and that morphed into her being convinced that she'd been hacked and had "lost everything", all her savings, the tickets to stuff she wanted to see, the lot. She's been a wreck ever since. She was hardly sleeping or eating and was talking about not wanting to be here and that I was her only motivation to be alive. I stayed with her none-stop trying to get through to her but nothing worked (I went over a hundred hours without sleeping), we got docs coming out, the lot, but ultimately her care entirely fell on me. She was refusing to take meds and it was taking me three hours a night to get her to. In the end she got sectioned. Seeing her go in so scared was the worst moment of my entire life. I felt (and still do) like a total failure of a man and partner for not being able to help her or protect her, and I feel selfish that I feel this way, because its not about me. I'm trying so hard to be strong but I just feel wretched. I rarely cry, but there hasn't been a moment since she went in that I haven't felt on the verge of tears. I don't know what to do. I know she feels betrayed that I didn't stop her going in and that hurts me more then I can put into words. I'm not even sure if we have a future together anymore. I want us to, I love this woman, but I really don't know. I'm just tired, I'm tired of feeling so helpless, I'm tired of feeling sad, and I'm of always being tired. I'm determined to stand by her no matter what until she is well enough to he home and is in the right place to have a truly honest talk about what happens next but I feel absolutely wretched right now. I'm walking around like a zombie, with a fake professional smile on my face feeling utterly dead inside.

 

[COYBL25]

Just posting in here to vent because this place saved me from losing my mind last year when I had a cancer scare. I don't like sharing my problems as a rule but the kindness I've been shown on here before makes me feel ok about it. Basically my Mrs has had a mental breakdown, she had issues with her phone and that morphed into her being convinced that she'd been hacked and had "lost everything", all her savings, the tickets to stuff she wanted to see, the lot. She's been a wreck ever since. She was hardly sleeping or eating and was talking about not wanting to be here and that I was her only motivation to be alive. I stayed with her none-stop trying to get through to her but nothing worked (I went over a hundred hours without sleeping), we got docs coming out, the lot, but ultimately her care entirely fell on me. She was refusing to take meds and it was taking me three hours a night to get her to. In the end she got sectioned. Seeing her go in so scared was the worst moment of my entire life. I felt (and still do) like a total failure of a man and partner for not being able to help her or protect her, and I feel selfish that I feel this way, because its not about me. I'm trying so hard to be strong but I just feel wretched. I rarely cry, but there hasn't been a moment since she went in that I haven't felt on the verge of tears. I don't know what to do. I know she feels betrayed that I didn't stop her going in and that hurts me more then I can put into words. I'm not even sure if we have a future together anymore. I want us to, I love this woman, but I really don't know. I'm just tired, I'm tired of feeling so helpless, I'm tired of feeling sad, and I'm of always being tired. I'm determined to stand by her no matter what until she is well enough to he home and is in the right place to have a truly honest talk about what happens next but I feel absolutely wretched right now. I'm walking around like a zombie, with a fake professional smile on my face feeling utterly dead inside.

You say she had " issues with her phone ", but from what you`ve said, it sounds like this was the tipping point, that`s been the thing that finally broke her ?

I can only speak from my own experiences of a mate who got sectioned, after he had a psychotic break due to extreme stress and cannabis use.

He went in a wreck and due to the care he received whilst in hospital, he came out not totally cured, but as close as you would ever get to his old self.

That was about thirty years ago and he hasn`t been back in or even close to going back in since.

I know from one of my previous jobs, how hard it is to section someone and it`s not something that`s done lightly.

You`re missus is in the best place for her ( at the moment ). She`s safe, she`s getting looked after, receiving the treatment she needs, all with the aim of getting here better and back home.

Just take everything one step at a time mate and be there for her x

 

[Gwladysstreetlad]

You say she had " issues with her phone ", but from what you`ve said, it sounds like this was the tipping point, that`s been the thing that finally broke her ?

I can only speak from my own experiences of a mate who got sectioned, after he had a psychotic break due to extreme stress and cannabis use.

He went in a wreck and due to the care he received whilst in hospital, he came out not totally cured, but as close as you would ever get to his old self.

That was about thirty years ago and he hasn`t been back in or even close to going back in since.

I know from one of my previous jobs, how hard it is to section someone and it`s not something that`s done lightly.

You`re missus is in the best place for her ( at the moment ). She`s safe, she`s getting looked after, receiving the treatment she needs, all with the aim of getting here better and back home.

Just take everything one step at a time mate and be there for her x

Thanks mate. I truly appreciate your message.

You're 100% right that phone was just the straw that broke the camels back now I look at things objectively. She's not been herself for a while and if I'd known what I know now, I'd have been more prepared for what's happened. Its easy to just think things like "oh just having a bad phase, she'll be ok" or "she's just a bit more moody then normal" right up until it all kinda explodes.

She's defo in the right place. I know you're 100% correct but all the same, I'd do absolutely anything to have her well and back home with me. I'm so upset at the idea that she'll always feel like I betrayed her.

 

[Spotty]

Thanks mate. I truly appreciate your message.

You're 100% right that phone was just the straw that broke the camels back now I look at things objectively. She's not been herself for a while and if I'd known what I know now, I'd have been more prepared for what's happened. Its easy to just think things like "oh just having a bad phase, she'll be ok" or "she's just a bit more moody then normal" right up until it all kinda explodes.

She's defo in the right place. I know you're 100% correct but all the same, I'd do absolutely anything to have her well and back home with me. I'm so upset at the idea that she'll always feel like I betrayed her.

 

[Spotty]

People get sectioned for one of two reasons. Danger to themselves or others. If your loved one gets sectioned do not worry. Think of it like this if you can. The person who's being sectioned has a mind full absolutely everything. Seriously everything. But that everything can be good and that everything can be bad. The good is love kindness hope family joy and beautiful memories. The bad is stress, anxiety, pain suffering , bike, poison self loathing. The problem is this. You know when I said your mind is full of everything, it still is but your good and bad is all mixed up. Together. It's tangled. Like a massive knot in your head that gets tighter and tighter. The good and bad gets tighter. So you go into hospital, and you do......nothing. Absolutely nothing. Let people, nurses and Drs, therapists Art therapists, music therapists they come into hospital and you know that horrible knot. Well the afore mentioned people can gradually, dad by day, let you untangle that knot. Every day the knot gets looser and you lose..........the bad. Bit by bit you lose the bad You start feeling a little better. That bad like anxiety and bad thoughts are being lost, bit by bit, day by day, lose a bit bad. Your mood picks up. There might be days when you don't lose a bit of bad. It hangs around. But three or four days later you start lose the bad. As you lose the bed the good gets bigger and bigger. You will eventually get to a point where the good and bad are no longer tangled. Clarity, clear clarity. Good and bad separated and you no longer have a head full of bad. You have a head full of good. You feel better about yourself. You have a lot more clarity, start doing the things that make you happy. Here comes the the good bit people. You have some work to do. The work is very very simple. It's this. You work out how that bloody bad got in your head in the first place. I know one thing you ask. I don't like my head full of good and bad and I hated it when I couldn't entangle it. I felt terrible. Tell you what I'm going to find out with help if necessary how to stop that bad going into my head. If I catch it early enough I can recognise that bad and stop it running in my head. There's a bit of bad there, I see it. You know what it's called, it's called....stress. I'm going to stop that stress running into my head, I've done it before and I'm going to do it again. I'll stop that bad called stress......

If this makes sense to you, I hope it helps a little . If you can tell people about the good and the bad and how the trick is to stop the bad running into your head. Take card all.

 

[Spotty]

Gladys just remember no time scales at all. Let things happen Theres a ,lot in her head and it's a mess. It's overloaded with what I talked about.. Lots of love she needs, people telling her they love her, the lovely staff who just let her cry or scream, but she's safe and your entail health improves because you know she's safe. There will be self loathing, and tears, but you'll notice one day " I think she's a little better ". If there are relapses do not worry, it's part of the recovery process. People who are in hospital are you me your brother your sister mum dad etc etc. Normal people who need help. I will leave you with this. Never forget to there's only one expert in the room with her .....her. Remember, no rush, no time scales, let things happen. God bless.

 

[Spotty]

By the way,Gladys, no she won't think you betrayed her. She'll look at you at some point, I don't know when, and think " He did it because he loves me and that makes me feel great inside "

 

[Moonlight dribble]

Happy weekend everyone. We did it. Make some time for yourself. Enjoy yourself and always be kind to yourself first and foremost.

 

[Gwladysstreetlad]

Gladys just remember no time scales at all. Let things happen Theres a ,lot in her head and it's a mess. It's overloaded with what I talked about.. Lots of love she needs, people telling her they love her, the lovely staff who just let her cry or scream, but she's safe and your entail health improves because you know she's safe. There will be self loathing, and tears, but you'll notice one day " I think she's a little better ". If there are relapses do not worry, it's part of the recovery process. People who are in hospital are you me your brother your sister mum dad etc etc. Normal people who need help. I will leave you with this. Never forget to there's only one expert in the room with her .....her. Remember, no rush, no time scales, let things happen. God bless.

Thanks so much for your kind and helpful words of advice and support mate. They truly mean more then I can say.

 

[larbert toffee]

Just posting in here to vent because this place saved me from losing my mind last year when I had a cancer scare. I don't like sharing my problems as a rule but the kindness I've been shown on here before makes me feel ok about it. Basically my Mrs has had a mental breakdown, she had issues with her phone and that morphed into her being convinced that she'd been hacked and had "lost everything", all her savings, the tickets to stuff she wanted to see, the lot. She's been a wreck ever since. She was hardly sleeping or eating and was talking about not wanting to be here and that I was her only motivation to be alive. I stayed with her none-stop trying to get through to her but nothing worked (I went over a hundred hours without sleeping), we got docs coming out, the lot, but ultimately her care entirely fell on me. She was refusing to take meds and it was taking me three hours a night to get her to. In the end she got sectioned. Seeing her go in so scared was the worst moment of my entire life. I felt (and still do) like a total failure of a man and partner for not being able to help her or protect her, and I feel selfish that I feel this way, because its not about me. I'm trying so hard to be strong but I just feel wretched. I rarely cry, but there hasn't been a moment since she went in that I haven't felt on the verge of tears. I don't know what to do. I know she feels betrayed that I didn't stop her going in and that hurts me more then I can put into words. I'm not even sure if we have a future together anymore. I want us to, I love this woman, but I really don't know. I'm just tired, I'm tired of feeling so helpless, I'm tired of feeling sad, and I'm of always being tired. I'm determined to stand by her no matter what until she is well enough to he home and is in the right place to have a truly honest talk about what happens next but I feel absolutely wretched right now. I'm walking around like a zombie, with a fake professional smile on my face feeling utterly dead inside.

I can only totally concour with my learned friend @COYBL25 I too have a close friend whose wife had a total mental breakdown and attempted suicide, she too was sectioned, he was trying to balance his responsible job with bringing up his family and dealing with his wife's situation which tested his resolve.
That was some ten years ago and there has never been a repeat of that dark period for them.
I know there was a short time where they were getting the right balance for her medication, once that was sorted they haven't looked back and they have recently become proud Grandparents.
Mate, don't reproach yourself, you've done what you think is best for your good lady because you love her and want her to get better and you have to believe that will happen because it is fixable though you may not think that at the moment.
Mate, continue giving her all your support but look for support for yourself also if you feel the need, probably your doctor would be able to put you in touch with a support group, we have an Andy's man club locally which is gaining a great reputation.
I hope all goes well for you and your Mrs and you know there's lot's of good people you can sound off to on here and also receive good advice from, please keep us informed

 

[MaximusEvertonius]

I can only totally concour with my learned friend @COYBL25 I too have a close friend whose wife had a total mental breakdown and attempted suicide, she too was sectioned, he was trying to balance his responsible job with bringing up his family and dealing with his wife's situation which tested his resolve.
That was some ten years ago and there has never been a repeat of that dark period for them.
I know there was a short time where they were getting the right balance for her medication, once that was sorted they haven't looked back and they have recently become proud Grandparents.
Mate, don't reproach yourself, you've done what you think is best for your good lady because you love her and want her to get better and you have to believe that will happen because it is fixable though you may not think that at the moment.
Mate, continue giving her all your support but look for support for yourself also if you feel the need, probably your doctor would be able to put you in touch with a support group, we have an Andy's man club locally which is gaining a great reputation.
I hope all goes well for you and your Mrs and you know there's lot's of good people you can sound off to on here and also receive good advice from, please keep us informed

That was so beautiful and supportive. This world needs more people like you .

 

[matty1878]

Thanks so much for your kind and helpful words of advice and support mate. They truly mean more then I can say.

you aren’t no failure atall mate that’s a lot for anyone to deal with, your trying to look after your mrs and that’s rightly so and your overthinking the part were you think you “haven’t”helped her she’s now seeking help mate a road to recovery

she’s in they’re now getting better as you have managed to keep her afloat to seek help

you didn’t think of that part

you already have helped

stay strong as you are mate x

 

[MaximusEvertonius]

you aren’t no failure atall mate that’s a lot for anyone to deal with, your trying to look after your mrs and that’s rightly so and your overthinking the part were you think you “haven’t”helped her she’s now seeking help mate a road to recovery

she’s in they’re now getting better as you have managed to keep her afloat to seek help

you didn’t think of that part

you already have helped

stay strong as you are mate x

Matty, you’re another good, true soul on here, mate .

 

[larbert toffee]

That was so beautiful and supportive. This world needs more people like you .

Thank you for that, I hate the thought of anyone going through a tough time, If I can give a bit of support or word of advice I will, I've been at a low ebb myself and there's no worse feeling.
There are so many good people on this thread with different life experiences to pass on.
I don't think @Groucho realised at the time what a great thing he was doing in creating this thread and here we are 1360 pages and over 11 years later.

 

[MaximusEvertonius]

It’s this thread, in my opinion, that’s the real heart and soul of this forum. At the end of the day what goes on in this thread is more important than anything else. It’s always attended and caring. It’s really one of the things I love most about Everton. It’s the people. Just real, down to earth. Once you’re in, you’re always in. They’ve got your back no matter where you’re from or where you live. Just the best of humanity in here and in this club.