Recent content by bluejim95

  1. bluejim95

    Match Thread Everton v Leeds - Preview, Match Report and Motm Poll

    When the third went in, my boy who is just about to reach his second birthday celebrated with me... arms in the air and clapping his hands. I won't forget this match for that moment alone. COYB!!
  2. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Thanks all, I have started to take back control... I have the mortgage underway, I have a clear plan to execute with the support of my family and friends. More and more comes out as time goes by and its even more clear to me now he is just a player and not interested in looking after her. I...
  3. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Thanks Sir, the support means a lot. I've told her it can't continue tonight, I'm not prepared for her to live this double life where I get the rough end of the stick. I made it clear, if she continues down the path with him, the path with me gets shorter much quicker. Spoke with my friend...
  4. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Thank you, the walk back in the rain was almost euphoric. No cars, no people, some heavy drum and bass rattling my brain... was soaked when I got back but having that time to forget, even for just an hour was priceless. I didn't have my boy until I was in my 40's and I thought the time had...
  5. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    I won't lie, its a massive concern. If she did come back, what would be the reasoning, easy life, money, etc. I had left the chance of repair on the table up till last week. I told her I was taking it away to gain some self respect back. My reasoning being that if she wanted back then the...
  6. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    I wish she would make plans. Thats a big part of the issue, she is happy to live in the comfort and support I bring, but wants to go out and spend the good times with someone else. I kick her out and I lose my boy, so I feel backed into a corner. At times it feels like none of this happened...
  7. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    I totally get it and I've given such advice before. Just everything seems out of my control, I can't make her see me or the damage she is doing. This new guy is just a player and can't deliver anything he's promised her to get his way, I know that because I know him. The same things he said he...
  8. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    I did rise to the top, it was easy for me as I had a purpose, I had a reason to do it. For my family, so my boy could be proud of who his dad was, to make our dreams into reality. I was asked at the beginning of last year, what would success in this role mean to me. I answered, when we have our...
  9. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Sorry all, I felt so low on Saturday. I went out and did all my coping mechanisms. Went to a friends house and stayed till 4am. Walked back home in the rain, listening to music on full blast to silence my thoughts. Saw my parents, they got to see my boy. He was in full flow as ever. I looked...
  10. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I...
  11. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    I hope so Sir, I really do. Just wish he didn't have to go through all this. Shes out with the something new today, just had 45 minutes of the little man crying his eyes out, screaming for his mum at the front door. Cried himself to sleep now. Cant tell you how hard it is to watch that.
  12. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Its difficult because I am the sort of person that thinks through as many outcomes as possible, trying to second guess life to navigate a way through. Times like these, all it does it make me suffer needlessly... shutting it down is going against who I am. I have been made into the issue, she...
  13. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    I really get the pushing away part. When all this happened it was really hard to describe. I could only put it down like I was renting a ferrari. Yeah its great, having the experience but you know you have to give it back. Worrying whether anything will happen to ruin the day. Not like owning...
  14. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    Thanks so much for this. Proper dark times... just wave after wave of pain. Every day there is something, I just have to take the punch and get back up. Yesterday I had to hear about her realising she hadn't shown me any respect, 30 mins after climbing out of his bed. I told her she is...
  15. bluejim95

    Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

    He is the reason I bottled it the times before. One part of me wants to end it as then he won't have a split home and he will be a very wealthy young man. Sense of worth is a really odd one for me. In my profession, to make the cash I needed for my family I have had to go to the top of my...
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