Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Earwigjoe]

@bluejim95 Good morning brother, i cant get my head around your situation, please take the time now hes sleeping to read through @Spotty excellent post and for your own mental health and self respect start being proactive and fix your situation. You cant be babysitting while shes on a date. Youre much more important and better than that, you cant be sitting waiting for her coming home youre facilitating her behavior and your own hurt. Its time for you to start planning a life without her and sort out all the legal advice available to you for access to your son, know your rights and take control back from her. We love you brother, we're all here for you, start taking back control of yourself today please mate. It never works mate when only 1 in a relationship is in love. ?

 

[Barnfred 55]

Its difficult because I am the sort of person that thinks through as many outcomes as possible, trying to second guess life to navigate a way through. Times like these, all it does it make me suffer needlessly... shutting it down is going against who I am.

I have been made into the issue, she told me she wants something different... in reality its just someone different. She wants the life, the child, the home, the same dreams as before... just me in the way. I just find myself apologising to my boy over and over for not being able to save his family.

OK I understand that mate. My missus also used to often over think things and end up worrying about things that were never likely to happen. I know your situation is different, but it helps me understand your personality a bit better. I actually believe it's important that you consider the options and the fact that you're posting on here shows you're actively seeking help which is good. All I'm asking you to do is to take that one option off the table. It doesn't solve anything for anybody.

There's been some excellent posts in here offering advice and I'd like to echo what Joe said above. You need to take back control of the situation and the sooner you do that the sooner you will start feel better in your self and be to move on. And also, you have absolutely nothing to apologise for, you are not at fault here.

 

[Cameron Manning]

Thanks so much for this. Proper dark times... just wave after wave of pain. Every day there is something, I just have to take the punch and get back up.

Yesterday I had to hear about her realising she hadn't shown me any respect, 30 mins after climbing out of his bed. I told her she is speaking to the wrong guy, try asking him about the respect he had for his wife, children, friend and colleague.

People think I'm crazy when I say I got it from a football forum. But the fact no one has anything to gain apart from friendship means the advice is pure. I can't thank you enough and all the rest here, to take the time for a guy they never met and give such kindness. Gives me faith in the world, really.

When they talk about Everton being a family club, this is what they mean.

bluejim you are getting very good advice off people on here who have been through the mill in the same situation as yourself, please listen to them especially about ending it all, that’s a big cry for help, it will end the pain in your head but is definitely not the thing to do, it helps nobody particularly yourself, get help via the hospital when you‘re at the end of your tether don’t succumb it’s absolutely NOT the answer, thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers, God Bless Mate.

 

[David09]

@bluejim95 Good morning brother, i cant get my head around your situation, please take the time now hes sleeping to read through @Spotty excellent post and for your own mental health and self respect start being proactive and fix your situation. You cant be babysitting while shes on a date. Youre much more important and better than that, you cant be sitting waiting for her coming home youre facilitating her behavior and your own hurt. Its time for you to start planning a life without her and sort out all the legal advice available to you for access to your son, know your rights and take control back from her. We love you brother, we're all here for you, start taking back control of yourself today please mate. It never works mate when only 1 in a relationship is in love. ?

A great post mate

 

[bluejim95]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

 

[Devanski]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

These are dark days for you, without a doubt but it can get better, but you need to do the hard yards.
There is no instant fix and it will fall on you to make it workable in the long run.
(Your wife doesn’t sound like she’ll help in any way)
You know the relationship has gone and it was not of your doing.
Please prove to your son that you can deal with extreme adversity and because of your love for him, can overcome it.
He will always need his real dad in his life,
Especially a dad who loves him unconditionally and would walk over hot coals to be a part in his life.
Stay strong mate… ?

 

[Earwigjoe]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

OF COURSE you can and you already know that you can do anything you want to.You just have to want to move on. YOU got your job, YOU rose to the top of it, YOU got your house, YOU made a son. YOU gave yourself everything you've ever wanted. SHE did everything wrong and hurt you, damaging your pride. Take it back, the hurt is sore its recent and raw and you don't deserve any of it. Take back control of your life, know your rights, get legal advice and take control back. Look at your beautiful SON, he did nothing wrong either just like his DAd. Dont let him suffer without his DAD, you don't want him growing up without his DAD, you dont want him wondering if his DAD loved him, wondering if his DAD really loved him - if he did he wouldn't have left him and you dont want him in a few years if he meets hardship taking his own life because his DAD did. Please mate get the stupid thought out of your head if not for your mates on here your fellow blues who've all had our shares of badtimes then goodtimes then do it for your SON. ?

 

[Gwladysover]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

You can do this, you have already achieved so much in your life, you have a beautiful son who needs his Dad. These are dark days for you but know that they will pass.You will find happiness and the sun will shine for you again.?

 

[North wales blue]

phone the hospital,tell them how you feel and ask to speak to a mental health nurse,
and they will put you in the right direction.
all the best mate

 

[Gwladysover]

How are you today @bluejim95 . Please let us know. Hope everyone else is well today.?

 

[Barnfred 55]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

bluejim I've only just seen this message and I really hope you get to read my reply. Suicide may seem like the easy option to you but it really really isn't. All you do is end up hurting the ones you love most, and the people you want to hurt will probably just feel relief that a problem has gone away. Your son will grow up not knowing whether you really loved him and, worse, wondering whether he was to blame for you taking your own life.

So if you do get to read this my message to you is to be strong. Your son needs you in his life and you need to keep telling yourself this over and over again. There is plenty of good advice to you in this thread, and lots of reference points for you to read and to contact to enable you to wrest back control of the situation. The sooner you do this the sooner you will feel better in yourself and push the dark thoughts out of your head.

 

[David09]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

I've been by myself for 3 years mate but I'm still here.
I have a photograph of my daughter in my truck and anytime I've found it tough over this time or lonely I've looked at that photograph of my now 16 year old and maybe cried but most of the time smiled and remembered she maybe growing up but she will always be my princess.
Bury yourself in work and keep yourself busy . Thats what I did.
Get that bond and trust with your son so he knows when he sees you or chats to you on the phone you will always have a smile and a cuddle for him.
It took me a long time to gain my daughters trust because I didn't do the right things at the start of my divorce. I was eratic, angry and grumpy. I pushed her away.
You can do this mate. Switch on now though because whilst you drag your feet your Ex will be making plans. Don't let her hurt you anymore.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Honestly don't know if I can do this anymore. Just completely dropped in it and now I have to clean up the mess... just pointless. Find myself just wishing I'd done it at Christmas. Literally just doing the best by my family and now its in pieces. I just don't want any of it anymore. How am I supposed to find happiness in this mess.

Where are you mate?? How are you??

 

[Barnfred 55]

Where are you mate?? How are you??

He's not been on since last night after making that post Joe. Hope he's OK.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Hey @bluejim95 How has today been for you. Are you feeling any better?