I loved your post Val and those were all the issues that I wrestled with, although less eloquently, when I decided to give up.my season ticket.
The best bit about going for me was meeting my mates and having a beer and a laugh before the game , in the end it became habitual and the football just got in the way.
I'm absolutely sure that if I was going with or meeting family I would have felt differently and continued. In fact that's exactly the experience of my friend who lent me his ST and was down in London. He , like you , has been going for decades and uses goeing to the match as an opportunity to meet up with his extended family.
In many respects I'm sure this decision not to go the game does make me "less of a fan " but I simply can't alter the way I feel. Although it wasn't an economic decision for me ( I'm in the privileged position of being able to afford a ST if I wanted one ) I couldn't justify it to myself given that I was enjoying the football so little.
For me , and I appreciate that this is a very personal thing , my enjoyment of football generally and Everton in particular has diminished as I get older.
Yesterday I still found myself screaming at Doucoure when he gives possession away that leads to a goal ( some things never change ) and at Mykolenko ( amongst others ) when he can't cross a ball without any pressure but as soon as the final whistle went that was it for me. I wasn't that bothered. Years ago a result and performance like that would wreck the weekend.
When I got home Mrs J expected me to be annoyed but I wasn't. "What if they go down ?" she asked . " They probably deserve it " was my reply. If , God forbid, that happened then I would be sad but it sure as hell wouldn't wreck my summer.
I'm not sure I will every get to the point of
@Barnfred 55 who used to go to every game and now genuinely doesn't know who we are playing from week to week and only looks at the results some time later but I can understand why he's like that.
You are absolutely right supporting Everton is much more than results and performances. And as I walked up Spellow Lane for one of the last times it was with great pride that I saw the Everton free school and the EITC buildings . Denise should have stayed in that role, she was very good at it. However my counter balance is seeing massively overpaid footballers and managers deliver up crap like yesterday and not seem to be that bothered. Dyche on £5 million p a and all he offers are the usual platitudes and excuses and the " it's everyone's fault but me".
So, it's a personal thing , I have great respect for people like you and
@kev who go week in week out but it's just not for me anymore .
Of course I want Everton to do well. I loved going to Goodison for what might be one last game but I don't like what football generally has become - a game dominated by finance .
People will say it's always been that way and under Moore's we were the Mersey millionaires, but it's different now.
In the past a relatively poor club like QPR or Ipswich could get promoted and still be challenging for top spot. Now you now ( fortunately for us ) that it's a virtual certainty that the 3 promoted teams will get relegated.
I also find , again in general, the type of football played nowadays to be turgid and one dimensional . I can't remember the last time I was excited watching a match .
So, there you have it. Going to the game isn't something that I miss, yesterday reaffirmed that. Fortunately Goodison was sold out so very many people feel differently to me and continue to care for more deeply than me. In some ways that's a personal sadness but in other ways it's an emotional release to enable me to do other things that give me greater pleasure.
Sorry 
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