Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

I've suffered and still do suffer with depression which has gone on since i was 15/16, parents don't understand how a 22 year old can be depressed, my little brother understands it more then them to be honest. I haven't told my doctor or really anyone else besides my immediate family because i'm not sure how it would help. Some days i feel boss like and others i could just sit there and cry but i don't do that like cause i don't like showing weakness, i feel i do know the root cause of my depression and i'm working on improving things for myself but it's hard when opportunities to do so aren't exactly in my control.

I've thought about killing myself and even collected the means to do it a few years back but thought better of it as it didn't seem fair on my family, i think if i didn't have one i'd have done though.
I am in a similar situation mate, killing myself is an option, don't know how, & I am scared if it failed, sod what you leave behind, those people don't understand, it's a selfish world !! I will sleep soon for at least twenty four hours !!
 
I am in a similar situation mate, killing myself is an option, don't know how, & I am scared if it failed, sod what you leave behind, those people don't understand, it's a selfish world !! I will sleep soon for at least twenty four hours !!

It's not an option mate. Ignore that evil idea. Please see below, or direct message me a mobile number ?

Screenshot_20230114_134336_Chrome.jpg
 
Please never believe that it is an option. People do care, we care.?

I am in a similar situation mate, killing myself is an option, don't know how, & I am scared if it failed, sod what you leave behind, those people don't understand, it's a selfish world !! I will sleep soon for at least twenty four hours !!
Brendon yes, killing yourself IS an option. But you are wrong, so wrong, about people not caring. There are ramifications of course. People who love you will be thrust into as black void, desolation and misery. So don't you dare think killing yourself has no consequences.

When your dead there is a horrible finality about it. In a grave just rotting away. Of course, if you have faith, you believe there is a journey yet to come, but the thought of " not existing, not being here " is different thing all together. You have a lot to give, a lot to offer but you don't know it yet. There will be people in the future who will be glad of your presence, glad your there for them, glad you helped them. It lifts the soul when you contribute towards someone's happiness. No monetary value, no, but giving love, support, and kindness to someone is priceless it really is.

Brendon, do whatever you can to recover your good mental health. Seek support, be informative and let people know you need help. I guarantee there are good people out there who are more than willing to help and support you. Good luck fella, I know it's hard but life is worth the effort and remember, you have a lot to offer yourself. Take care my friend.
 

A relative of mine is highly likely to pass away this week. We've known this has been coming for a while now but its really hitting home now we are at the end stage

IDK what i'm really trying to say but this will be the first time a person close to me has passed. Just a nasty situation
So sad to hear this. Very daunting to face this situation for the first time and the fact that it is expected does not make it any easier. You will be in my thoughts, best wishes.?
 
I feel sad that there are so many genuinely desperate people, some comfortably off, some not, who struggle with mental illness when my only problem is that my ADHD behaviour means I have to live on my own.
I posted a while back mate about the struggles of living alone. It's not a 24/7 thing for me, as I quite like solitude some of the time, but it does hit you, and you can't choose when it does.

It IS a problem, for some of us, at times, and I empathise.

I'm not sure what advice I can give you, other than to do some things which might help sustain your overall mental, as well as physical health.

Try and get out in nature, eat well and exercise, and let people in your circle know when you need help.

I also find that getting out and about and amongst people, even if its to the library or in a café, can help you just get out of your own head.

Good luck mate.
 
Today, the third Monday of the year, is known as blue Monday.
The Christmas buzz is a distant memory, it’s cold and dark and statistically most people have already failed their New Year’s resolutions.
Also, it shouldn’t impact us as much as it often does, but the goings on at Everton really doesn’t help either in adding to that feeling.

Look out for each other blues, especially over the next few weeks.
 
Looking at the posts recently, I can't help been emphasise with you as I'm going through possibly one of my lowest periods of my life. Reading about people living alone and how that is problematic, take some solace that you aren't alone in that feeling and the same sort of isolation, loneliness, the "wave of doubt" hits others who don't live alone as well. I'm happily married, a very supportive wife who literally just said she'll work 24/7 if it increases my happiness because my job is soul destroying and leaving me hollow. (At no point would I let her). @brieverton mentions about the being alone and the solitude you get sometimes and that strength that comes with it, but my god it's only a short-term thing and most of the time, when it hits you, it beats you, beats you hard. I haven't gambled for 18 months, I haven't smoked for a good few months now so I should be in a much better place. Mentally however I'm probably worse than ever, I dont have a core social group. I have one or two people from work who are mates, and in fairness did message me the other day knowing something was up, but equally the same ones are the ones who I have to work with and when I eventually leave this job, either through a stroke a luck or death, I will barely hear from either. Which is completely unfair on them, but when it's happened before and so often, then naturally you can forsee it happening.

Bit of a story but...

I don't drink, which i've learned over the age period of 18-30 is a huge disadvantage to forming a social circle. I recognise my faults when I was younger, I had a rough deal with life when I was 11, starting high school and my dad was pretty much on deaths door due to a hollyoaks actor smashing into his car while he was doing 80 in a 60 on a country lane (he is still having operations to keep his body going). It took possibly 2/3 years to really hit me and as a result I went y7-y9/10 being a closed shop completely. It affected me socially going to Uni and I've always felt like im 5 years behind everybody else my age, not neccesserily to do with children or married earlier or whatever, as I would love to have one or two but it appears that isn't in the future for me. However it does feel because I've had that stunted development at a younger age, I've sort of missed the opportunity to create connections and have that longevity of a social group. I spent years and years going to the automated tills at checkouts because the anxiety of speaking to someone was too much thats how severe and a struggle life has been. I wouldn't say i no longer struggle to create relationships with people, however I do know I'm much better at it but always end up believing, and mostly im right in that they take advantage of that because im an honest person, if I can help, I'll help.

I now find myself at 31, in a job where the wage is comfortable despite me being massively undervalued. The place I work has developed into an absolutely toxic wasteground with all sorts going. I can't simply get another job as they've provided me no training over hte years and so anywhere with a similar or higher wage all require more. I do absolutely everything for the company, from socials, graphic work, administration, operations, logistics, manual labour - i type this while taking a break clearing everybody elses crap that is around the office and organising it into our new big cupboard we've had built. Problem with that it means I'm a jack of all trades but master of none - which is fine, but now I feel so trapped into this job, with absolutely no way out. No connections made, no qualifications, no real logisitcal way of getting out. I turned down a job at Scan computers over a year ago, I job I would have enjoyed, but would not have been able to afford financially with a mortgage. I've applied for plenty but get absolutely nothing back despite having a CV that shows a variety of skills and loyalty to a company, including a promotion throughout those 5 years.

To summarise, and I appreciate this is a bit 'essay' like but I need to unload this even if its just text format. I'm at my lowest for a long-time, tablets do not work.

I'm 31 - children do not appear to be on the agenda, which I've accepted, it's part of life unfortunately. I'm in a job where I have no way out, and I can't just quit because like every adult, we have bills to pay. I have not a single person other than my wife and my parents where if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would bat an eye-lid (i know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's genuinely true). I don't believe my brothers would be particularly sad, they would find it an inconvienience to be at the funeral.

I've always kept in my mind sometihng my dad told me years and years ago, probably when I was around 24/25, he said that I set such high standards for myself in everything I do, that when others fail to meet them I get dissapointed and cut them off. And for years I've felt that's probably accurate and have made the effort to give that leeway, just because I'd offer my help to someone if they needed in something they needed (lets say computers for example, I know what im doing with them), doesn't mean everyone is like that. However more and more instances throughout the past two years have shown me that people take advantage and I'm at a point where I either let them and be grateful for the interaction, or I stay isolated because I expect effort from others when I put the effort in. It's a lose-lose scenario. I no longer believe my dads comment to be true, I dont think I set high standards, I think i put the effort in and I feel used when I don't get that effort back. I get that not everyone is going to do it, but I cant think of one person who shows the same respect back. I get that I used to be a not very likeable person, shy, closed off but despite changing who I am, some through growing up a bit, some through distinct effort, nothing has changed, I'm constantly on the outside.
 
Looking at the posts recently, I can't help been emphasise with you as I'm going through possibly one of my lowest periods of my life. Reading about people living alone and how that is problematic, take some solace that you aren't alone in that feeling and the same sort of isolation, loneliness, the "wave of doubt" hits others who don't live alone as well. I'm happily married, a very supportive wife who literally just said she'll work 24/7 if it increases my happiness because my job is soul destroying and leaving me hollow. (At no point would I let her). @brieverton mentions about the being alone and the solitude you get sometimes and that strength that comes with it, but my god it's only a short-term thing and most of the time, when it hits you, it beats you, beats you hard. I haven't gambled for 18 months, I haven't smoked for a good few months now so I should be in a much better place. Mentally however I'm probably worse than ever, I dont have a core social group. I have one or two people from work who are mates, and in fairness did message me the other day knowing something was up, but equally the same ones are the ones who I have to work with and when I eventually leave this job, either through a stroke a luck or death, I will barely hear from either. Which is completely unfair on them, but when it's happened before and so often, then naturally you can forsee it happening.

Bit of a story but...

I don't drink, which i've learned over the age period of 18-30 is a huge disadvantage to forming a social circle. I recognise my faults when I was younger, I had a rough deal with life when I was 11, starting high school and my dad was pretty much on deaths door due to a hollyoaks actor smashing into his car while he was doing 80 in a 60 on a country lane (he is still having operations to keep his body going). It took possibly 2/3 years to really hit me and as a result I went y7-y9/10 being a closed shop completely. It affected me socially going to Uni and I've always felt like im 5 years behind everybody else my age, not neccesserily to do with children or married earlier or whatever, as I would love to have one or two but it appears that isn't in the future for me. However it does feel because I've had that stunted development at a younger age, I've sort of missed the opportunity to create connections and have that longevity of a social group. I spent years and years going to the automated tills at checkouts because the anxiety of speaking to someone was too much thats how severe and a struggle life has been. I wouldn't say i no longer struggle to create relationships with people, however I do know I'm much better at it but always end up believing, and mostly im right in that they take advantage of that because im an honest person, if I can help, I'll help.

I now find myself at 31, in a job where the wage is comfortable despite me being massively undervalued. The place I work has developed into an absolutely toxic wasteground with all sorts going. I can't simply get another job as they've provided me no training over hte years and so anywhere with a similar or higher wage all require more. I do absolutely everything for the company, from socials, graphic work, administration, operations, logistics, manual labour - i type this while taking a break clearing everybody elses crap that is around the office and organising it into our new big cupboard we've had built. Problem with that it means I'm a jack of all trades but master of none - which is fine, but now I feel so trapped into this job, with absolutely no way out. No connections made, no qualifications, no real logisitcal way of getting out. I turned down a job at Scan computers over a year ago, I job I would have enjoyed, but would not have been able to afford financially with a mortgage. I've applied for plenty but get absolutely nothing back despite having a CV that shows a variety of skills and loyalty to a company, including a promotion throughout those 5 years.

To summarise, and I appreciate this is a bit 'essay' like but I need to unload this even if its just text format. I'm at my lowest for a long-time, tablets do not work.

I'm 31 - children do not appear to be on the agenda, which I've accepted, it's part of life unfortunately. I'm in a job where I have no way out, and I can't just quit because like every adult, we have bills to pay. I have not a single person other than my wife and my parents where if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would bat an eye-lid (i know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's genuinely true). I don't believe my brothers would be particularly sad, they would find it an inconvienience to be at the funeral.

I've always kept in my mind sometihng my dad told me years and years ago, probably when I was around 24/25, he said that I set such high standards for myself in everything I do, that when others fail to meet them I get dissapointed and cut them off. And for years I've felt that's probably accurate and have made the effort to give that leeway, just because I'd offer my help to someone if they needed in something they needed (lets say computers for example, I know what im doing with them), doesn't mean everyone is like that. However more and more instances throughout the past two years have shown me that people take advantage and I'm at a point where I either let them and be grateful for the interaction, or I stay isolated because I expect effort from others when I put the effort in. It's a lose-lose scenario. I no longer believe my dads comment to be true, I dont think I set high standards, I think i put the effort in and I feel used when I don't get that effort back. I get that not everyone is going to do it, but I cant think of one person who shows the same respect back. I get that I used to be a not very likeable person, shy, closed off but despite changing who I am, some through growing up a bit, some through distinct effort, nothing has changed, I'm constantly on the outside.
Had to press send as had to talk through some designers on branding, but ultiamtely all of these issues are weighing as anchors. I genuinely do not know how people live their day to day lives as comfortably as some appear to (I'm well aware people also put a front up).
 

Looking at the posts recently, I can't help been emphasise with you as I'm going through possibly one of my lowest periods of my life. Reading about people living alone and how that is problematic, take some solace that you aren't alone in that feeling and the same sort of isolation, loneliness, the "wave of doubt" hits others who don't live alone as well. I'm happily married, a very supportive wife who literally just said she'll work 24/7 if it increases my happiness because my job is soul destroying and leaving me hollow. (At no point would I let her). @brieverton mentions about the being alone and the solitude you get sometimes and that strength that comes with it, but my god it's only a short-term thing and most of the time, when it hits you, it beats you, beats you hard. I haven't gambled for 18 months, I haven't smoked for a good few months now so I should be in a much better place. Mentally however I'm probably worse than ever, I dont have a core social group. I have one or two people from work who are mates, and in fairness did message me the other day knowing something was up, but equally the same ones are the ones who I have to work with and when I eventually leave this job, either through a stroke a luck or death, I will barely hear from either. Which is completely unfair on them, but when it's happened before and so often, then naturally you can forsee it happening.

Bit of a story but...

I don't drink, which i've learned over the age period of 18-30 is a huge disadvantage to forming a social circle. I recognise my faults when I was younger, I had a rough deal with life when I was 11, starting high school and my dad was pretty much on deaths door due to a hollyoaks actor smashing into his car while he was doing 80 in a 60 on a country lane (he is still having operations to keep his body going). It took possibly 2/3 years to really hit me and as a result I went y7-y9/10 being a closed shop completely. It affected me socially going to Uni and I've always felt like im 5 years behind everybody else my age, not neccesserily to do with children or married earlier or whatever, as I would love to have one or two but it appears that isn't in the future for me. However it does feel because I've had that stunted development at a younger age, I've sort of missed the opportunity to create connections and have that longevity of a social group. I spent years and years going to the automated tills at checkouts because the anxiety of speaking to someone was too much thats how severe and a struggle life has been. I wouldn't say i no longer struggle to create relationships with people, however I do know I'm much better at it but always end up believing, and mostly im right in that they take advantage of that because im an honest person, if I can help, I'll help.

I now find myself at 31, in a job where the wage is comfortable despite me being massively undervalued. The place I work has developed into an absolutely toxic wasteground with all sorts going. I can't simply get another job as they've provided me no training over hte years and so anywhere with a similar or higher wage all require more. I do absolutely everything for the company, from socials, graphic work, administration, operations, logistics, manual labour - i type this while taking a break clearing everybody elses crap that is around the office and organising it into our new big cupboard we've had built. Problem with that it means I'm a jack of all trades but master of none - which is fine, but now I feel so trapped into this job, with absolutely no way out. No connections made, no qualifications, no real logisitcal way of getting out. I turned down a job at Scan computers over a year ago, I job I would have enjoyed, but would not have been able to afford financially with a mortgage. I've applied for plenty but get absolutely nothing back despite having a CV that shows a variety of skills and loyalty to a company, including a promotion throughout those 5 years.

To summarise, and I appreciate this is a bit 'essay' like but I need to unload this even if its just text format. I'm at my lowest for a long-time, tablets do not work.

I'm 31 - children do not appear to be on the agenda, which I've accepted, it's part of life unfortunately. I'm in a job where I have no way out, and I can't just quit because like every adult, we have bills to pay. I have not a single person other than my wife and my parents where if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would bat an eye-lid (i know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's genuinely true). I don't believe my brothers would be particularly sad, they would find it an inconvienience to be at the funeral.

I've always kept in my mind sometihng my dad told me years and years ago, probably when I was around 24/25, he said that I set such high standards for myself in everything I do, that when others fail to meet them I get dissapointed and cut them off. And for years I've felt that's probably accurate and have made the effort to give that leeway, just because I'd offer my help to someone if they needed in something they needed (lets say computers for example, I know what im doing with them), doesn't mean everyone is like that. However more and more instances throughout the past two years have shown me that people take advantage and I'm at a point where I either let them and be grateful for the interaction, or I stay isolated because I expect effort from others when I put the effort in. It's a lose-lose scenario. I no longer believe my dads comment to be true, I dont think I set high standards, I think i put the effort in and I feel used when I don't get that effort back. I get that not everyone is going to do it, but I cant think of one person who shows the same respect back. I get that I used to be a not very likeable person, shy, closed off but despite changing who I am, some through growing up a bit, some through distinct effort, nothing has changed, I'm constantly on the outside.

I'm sorry mate.

All I can offer is my understanding.

I'm in my late 40s and I could identify with most of what you wrote.

You are clearly a very self-aware individual and that is a good thing. It is far better to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings than attempt to repress and bury them, particularly in any unhealthy habits like gambling.

You also have the support of your wife. Continue to cherish it as I'm sure you do.

There was one of these New Year messages I heard recently about keeping open to the prospect of positive change and positive surprises and I'm trying to do that for myself.

I see where you're coming from about an acceptance of things and I had this perspective too in my recent posts here and I still have. It is a challenge though.

Thanks for posting as it gives others the freedom and courage to do the same, myself included. You have done something small but still wonderful today.

Take a brief moment to reflect on that mate. I hope it will bring even a flicker of comfort and solace. Take care.
 
Looking at the posts recently, I can't help been emphasise with you as I'm going through possibly one of my lowest periods of my life. Reading about people living alone and how that is problematic, take some solace that you aren't alone in that feeling and the same sort of isolation, loneliness, the "wave of doubt" hits others who don't live alone as well. I'm happily married, a very supportive wife who literally just said she'll work 24/7 if it increases my happiness because my job is soul destroying and leaving me hollow. (At no point would I let her). @brieverton mentions about the being alone and the solitude you get sometimes and that strength that comes with it, but my god it's only a short-term thing and most of the time, when it hits you, it beats you, beats you hard. I haven't gambled for 18 months, I haven't smoked for a good few months now so I should be in a much better place. Mentally however I'm probably worse than ever, I dont have a core social group. I have one or two people from work who are mates, and in fairness did message me the other day knowing something was up, but equally the same ones are the ones who I have to work with and when I eventually leave this job, either through a stroke a luck or death, I will barely hear from either. Which is completely unfair on them, but when it's happened before and so often, then naturally you can forsee it happening.

Bit of a story but...

I don't drink, which i've learned over the age period of 18-30 is a huge disadvantage to forming a social circle. I recognise my faults when I was younger, I had a rough deal with life when I was 11, starting high school and my dad was pretty much on deaths door due to a hollyoaks actor smashing into his car while he was doing 80 in a 60 on a country lane (he is still having operations to keep his body going). It took possibly 2/3 years to really hit me and as a result I went y7-y9/10 being a closed shop completely. It affected me socially going to Uni and I've always felt like im 5 years behind everybody else my age, not neccesserily to do with children or married earlier or whatever, as I would love to have one or two but it appears that isn't in the future for me. However it does feel because I've had that stunted development at a younger age, I've sort of missed the opportunity to create connections and have that longevity of a social group. I spent years and years going to the automated tills at checkouts because the anxiety of speaking to someone was too much thats how severe and a struggle life has been. I wouldn't say i no longer struggle to create relationships with people, however I do know I'm much better at it but always end up believing, and mostly im right in that they take advantage of that because im an honest person, if I can help, I'll help.

I now find myself at 31, in a job where the wage is comfortable despite me being massively undervalued. The place I work has developed into an absolutely toxic wasteground with all sorts going. I can't simply get another job as they've provided me no training over hte years and so anywhere with a similar or higher wage all require more. I do absolutely everything for the company, from socials, graphic work, administration, operations, logistics, manual labour - i type this while taking a break clearing everybody elses crap that is around the office and organising it into our new big cupboard we've had built. Problem with that it means I'm a jack of all trades but master of none - which is fine, but now I feel so trapped into this job, with absolutely no way out. No connections made, no qualifications, no real logisitcal way of getting out. I turned down a job at Scan computers over a year ago, I job I would have enjoyed, but would not have been able to afford financially with a mortgage. I've applied for plenty but get absolutely nothing back despite having a CV that shows a variety of skills and loyalty to a company, including a promotion throughout those 5 years.

To summarise, and I appreciate this is a bit 'essay' like but I need to unload this even if its just text format. I'm at my lowest for a long-time, tablets do not work.

I'm 31 - children do not appear to be on the agenda, which I've accepted, it's part of life unfortunately. I'm in a job where I have no way out, and I can't just quit because like every adult, we have bills to pay. I have not a single person other than my wife and my parents where if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would bat an eye-lid (i know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's genuinely true). I don't believe my brothers would be particularly sad, they would find it an inconvienience to be at the funeral.

I've always kept in my mind sometihng my dad told me years and years ago, probably when I was around 24/25, he said that I set such high standards for myself in everything I do, that when others fail to meet them I get dissapointed and cut them off. And for years I've felt that's probably accurate and have made the effort to give that leeway, just because I'd offer my help to someone if they needed in something they needed (lets say computers for example, I know what im doing with them), doesn't mean everyone is like that. However more and more instances throughout the past two years have shown me that people take advantage and I'm at a point where I either let them and be grateful for the interaction, or I stay isolated because I expect effort from others when I put the effort in. It's a lose-lose scenario. I no longer believe my dads comment to be true, I dont think I set high standards, I think i put the effort in and I feel used when I don't get that effort back. I get that not everyone is going to do it, but I cant think of one person who shows the same respect back. I get that I used to be a not very likeable person, shy, closed off but despite changing who I am, some through growing up a bit, some through distinct effort, nothing has changed, I'm constantly on the outside.
I'm sorry mate. It's a rough position to be in, and one many in here can relate to, all or in part, I'm sure.

One major insight that having kids has given me, and it relates to the bold bit of your last para, is that not every interaction has to be quid pro quo. I spend an inordinate amount of time looking after/entertaining/trying to teach my kids and when they do something that gets on my nerves or that I perceive as ingratitude I have to remind myself that they don't owe me gratitude. They don't owe me kindness, or even love. Of course, as we grow up there are levels of courtesy that we would hopefully consider common, but those are still not to be taken for granted.

The point I am labouring towards is that you shouldn't deny yourself interaction and the chance to widen your circle, and broaden your horizons because you don't like the odds that the interaction will be unfulfilling. Not sure how many frogs you had to kiss before you found your Queen, but I am betting you didn't hesitate much whenever the next opportunity came along. Take that energy to your platonic relationships as well.

You strike me as a very decent, articulate guy. It's a shame to deny so much of the world the chance to be your mate!
 
Looking at the posts recently, I can't help been emphasise with you as I'm going through possibly one of my lowest periods of my life. Reading about people living alone and how that is problematic, take some solace that you aren't alone in that feeling and the same sort of isolation, loneliness, the "wave of doubt" hits others who don't live alone as well. I'm happily married, a very supportive wife who literally just said she'll work 24/7 if it increases my happiness because my job is soul destroying and leaving me hollow. (At no point would I let her). @brieverton mentions about the being alone and the solitude you get sometimes and that strength that comes with it, but my god it's only a short-term thing and most of the time, when it hits you, it beats you, beats you hard. I haven't gambled for 18 months, I haven't smoked for a good few months now so I should be in a much better place. Mentally however I'm probably worse than ever, I dont have a core social group. I have one or two people from work who are mates, and in fairness did message me the other day knowing something was up, but equally the same ones are the ones who I have to work with and when I eventually leave this job, either through a stroke a luck or death, I will barely hear from either. Which is completely unfair on them, but when it's happened before and so often, then naturally you can forsee it happening.

Bit of a story but...

I don't drink, which i've learned over the age period of 18-30 is a huge disadvantage to forming a social circle. I recognise my faults when I was younger, I had a rough deal with life when I was 11, starting high school and my dad was pretty much on deaths door due to a hollyoaks actor smashing into his car while he was doing 80 in a 60 on a country lane (he is still having operations to keep his body going). It took possibly 2/3 years to really hit me and as a result I went y7-y9/10 being a closed shop completely. It affected me socially going to Uni and I've always felt like im 5 years behind everybody else my age, not neccesserily to do with children or married earlier or whatever, as I would love to have one or two but it appears that isn't in the future for me. However it does feel because I've had that stunted development at a younger age, I've sort of missed the opportunity to create connections and have that longevity of a social group. I spent years and years going to the automated tills at checkouts because the anxiety of speaking to someone was too much thats how severe and a struggle life has been. I wouldn't say i no longer struggle to create relationships with people, however I do know I'm much better at it but always end up believing, and mostly im right in that they take advantage of that because im an honest person, if I can help, I'll help.

I now find myself at 31, in a job where the wage is comfortable despite me being massively undervalued. The place I work has developed into an absolutely toxic wasteground with all sorts going. I can't simply get another job as they've provided me no training over hte years and so anywhere with a similar or higher wage all require more. I do absolutely everything for the company, from socials, graphic work, administration, operations, logistics, manual labour - i type this while taking a break clearing everybody elses crap that is around the office and organising it into our new big cupboard we've had built. Problem with that it means I'm a jack of all trades but master of none - which is fine, but now I feel so trapped into this job, with absolutely no way out. No connections made, no qualifications, no real logisitcal way of getting out. I turned down a job at Scan computers over a year ago, I job I would have enjoyed, but would not have been able to afford financially with a mortgage. I've applied for plenty but get absolutely nothing back despite having a CV that shows a variety of skills and loyalty to a company, including a promotion throughout those 5 years.

To summarise, and I appreciate this is a bit 'essay' like but I need to unload this even if its just text format. I'm at my lowest for a long-time, tablets do not work.

I'm 31 - children do not appear to be on the agenda, which I've accepted, it's part of life unfortunately. I'm in a job where I have no way out, and I can't just quit because like every adult, we have bills to pay. I have not a single person other than my wife and my parents where if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would bat an eye-lid (i know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's genuinely true). I don't believe my brothers would be particularly sad, they would find it an inconvienience to be at the funeral.

I've always kept in my mind sometihng my dad told me years and years ago, probably when I was around 24/25, he said that I set such high standards for myself in everything I do, that when others fail to meet them I get dissapointed and cut them off. And for years I've felt that's probably accurate and have made the effort to give that leeway, just because I'd offer my help to someone if they needed in something they needed (lets say computers for example, I know what im doing with them), doesn't mean everyone is like that. However more and more instances throughout the past two years have shown me that people take advantage and I'm at a point where I either let them and be grateful for the interaction, or I stay isolated because I expect effort from others when I put the effort in. It's a lose-lose scenario. I no longer believe my dads comment to be true, I dont think I set high standards, I think i put the effort in and I feel used when I don't get that effort back. I get that not everyone is going to do it, but I cant think of one person who shows the same respect back. I get that I used to be a not very likeable person, shy, closed off but despite changing who I am, some through growing up a bit, some through distinct effort, nothing has changed, I'm constantly on the outside.
Can relate to a lot of this.
Gonna read it again and reflect and post my own take on it later . But it has hit home with me .
 
Looking at the posts recently, I can't help been emphasise with you as I'm going through possibly one of my lowest periods of my life. Reading about people living alone and how that is problematic, take some solace that you aren't alone in that feeling and the same sort of isolation, loneliness, the "wave of doubt" hits others who don't live alone as well. I'm happily married, a very supportive wife who literally just said she'll work 24/7 if it increases my happiness because my job is soul destroying and leaving me hollow. (At no point would I let her). @brieverton mentions about the being alone and the solitude you get sometimes and that strength that comes with it, but my god it's only a short-term thing and most of the time, when it hits you, it beats you, beats you hard. I haven't gambled for 18 months, I haven't smoked for a good few months now so I should be in a much better place. Mentally however I'm probably worse than ever, I dont have a core social group. I have one or two people from work who are mates, and in fairness did message me the other day knowing something was up, but equally the same ones are the ones who I have to work with and when I eventually leave this job, either through a stroke a luck or death, I will barely hear from either. Which is completely unfair on them, but when it's happened before and so often, then naturally you can forsee it happening.

Bit of a story but...

I don't drink, which i've learned over the age period of 18-30 is a huge disadvantage to forming a social circle. I recognise my faults when I was younger, I had a rough deal with life when I was 11, starting high school and my dad was pretty much on deaths door due to a hollyoaks actor smashing into his car while he was doing 80 in a 60 on a country lane (he is still having operations to keep his body going). It took possibly 2/3 years to really hit me and as a result I went y7-y9/10 being a closed shop completely. It affected me socially going to Uni and I've always felt like im 5 years behind everybody else my age, not neccesserily to do with children or married earlier or whatever, as I would love to have one or two but it appears that isn't in the future for me. However it does feel because I've had that stunted development at a younger age, I've sort of missed the opportunity to create connections and have that longevity of a social group. I spent years and years going to the automated tills at checkouts because the anxiety of speaking to someone was too much thats how severe and a struggle life has been. I wouldn't say i no longer struggle to create relationships with people, however I do know I'm much better at it but always end up believing, and mostly im right in that they take advantage of that because im an honest person, if I can help, I'll help.

I now find myself at 31, in a job where the wage is comfortable despite me being massively undervalued. The place I work has developed into an absolutely toxic wasteground with all sorts going. I can't simply get another job as they've provided me no training over hte years and so anywhere with a similar or higher wage all require more. I do absolutely everything for the company, from socials, graphic work, administration, operations, logistics, manual labour - i type this while taking a break clearing everybody elses crap that is around the office and organising it into our new big cupboard we've had built. Problem with that it means I'm a jack of all trades but master of none - which is fine, but now I feel so trapped into this job, with absolutely no way out. No connections made, no qualifications, no real logisitcal way of getting out. I turned down a job at Scan computers over a year ago, I job I would have enjoyed, but would not have been able to afford financially with a mortgage. I've applied for plenty but get absolutely nothing back despite having a CV that shows a variety of skills and loyalty to a company, including a promotion throughout those 5 years.

To summarise, and I appreciate this is a bit 'essay' like but I need to unload this even if its just text format. I'm at my lowest for a long-time, tablets do not work.

I'm 31 - children do not appear to be on the agenda, which I've accepted, it's part of life unfortunately. I'm in a job where I have no way out, and I can't just quit because like every adult, we have bills to pay. I have not a single person other than my wife and my parents where if I dropped dead tomorrow, they would bat an eye-lid (i know it's a horrible thing to say, but it's genuinely true). I don't believe my brothers would be particularly sad, they would find it an inconvienience to be at the funeral.

I've always kept in my mind sometihng my dad told me years and years ago, probably when I was around 24/25, he said that I set such high standards for myself in everything I do, that when others fail to meet them I get dissapointed and cut them off. And for years I've felt that's probably accurate and have made the effort to give that leeway, just because I'd offer my help to someone if they needed in something they needed (lets say computers for example, I know what im doing with them), doesn't mean everyone is like that. However more and more instances throughout the past two years have shown me that people take advantage and I'm at a point where I either let them and be grateful for the interaction, or I stay isolated because I expect effort from others when I put the effort in. It's a lose-lose scenario. I no longer believe my dads comment to be true, I dont think I set high standards, I think i put the effort in and I feel used when I don't get that effort back. I get that not everyone is going to do it, but I cant think of one person who shows the same respect back. I get that I used to be a not very likeable person, shy, closed off but despite changing who I am, some through growing up a bit, some through distinct effort, nothing has changed, I'm constantly on the outside.
Regarding what you posted about all the stuff you do in your job, it sounds like you've gained a wide range of experience there. Could it be that you're selling yourself short a little bit?
 
I'm sorry mate. It's a rough position to be in, and one many in here can relate to, all or in part, I'm sure.

One major insight that having kids has given me, and it relates to the bold bit of your last para, is that not every interaction has to be quid pro quo. I spend an inordinate amount of time looking after/entertaining/trying to teach my kids and when they do something that gets on my nerves or that I perceive as ingratitude I have to remind myself that they don't owe me gratitude. They don't owe me kindness, or even love. Of course, as we grow up there are levels of courtesy that we would hopefully consider common, but those are still not to be taken for granted.

The point I am labouring towards is that you shouldn't deny yourself interaction and the chance to widen your circle, and broaden your horizons because you don't like the odds that the interaction will be unfulfilling. Not sure how many frogs you had to kiss before you found your Queen, but I am betting you didn't hesitate much whenever the next opportunity came along. Take that energy to your platonic relationships as well.

You strike me as a very decent, articulate guy. It's a shame to deny so much of the world the chance to be your mate!

I appreciate it doesnt need to be quid pro quo, nor would I expect it to be, but there is noticeable lack of any sort of effort. I spent hours helping a 'mate' the other day with his PC problems, trying to sold an unsolvable issue and then I couldnt get the time of day off him.

I'm just at the point of giving up. I dont know how much more I can take of it, because the isolation you get, that punch of it is absolutely horrible.
 

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