FROM: Anonymous
SUBJECT: 6th January
I hope you don’t mind me sending you the below message. Maybe you can post it on your site.
I had the date saved in my phone. 6th January.
The date I’d end the misery, the battle with life.
People don’t understand the battle, the energy needed every day just to get out of bed, to get clean and dressed.
I didn’t expect people to understand it. I couldn’t. I was just failing at life.
I had nothing to be depressed about.
I wasn’t depressed.
It all just got too much. I just couldn’t cope. You know when you just can’t eat another bite or you can’t run anymore? It felt like that. Even typing it now I know you won’t understand but I didn’t have the energy to finish the marathon of life. I was done and reached my limit. I couldn’t fake life any more.
After years of ups and downs, the downs late 2016 got too much. I needed to get through December for my loved ones. I even set the date.
In January, I knew exactly where and when. 6th January. A Friday. My loved ones would think it was an accident. Nobody would ever know of my failing in life or be made to feel guilt. 4 pages marked open in event of death that would be left by some treasured possessions. My last words.
The day before I’d never been so calm. I felt relieved. By complete chance someone had shared a message on Twitter. It said something about struggling with the world. I clicked the link and found all the messages in the forum.
I couldn’t believe it.
Hundreds, thousands of people sharing their daily battles with life.
People like me and people who had overcome or at least managing their battle.
Tips. So much support.
Suddenly I didn’t feel like an alien or a loner who couldn’t handle life.
I felt like something that had been strangling me for a very long time had released their grip.
To know when I’m walking around town, so many other people around me will be battling what I have, but coping gave me hope.
I’ve read every single message in the forum and follow it daily. I feel like I’m part of a journey with others routing for me like I routing for them.
I can’t bring myself to post yet but I just wanted to thank you. I owe you and all posting on your forum a great deal.
Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues thread is here.