Christ alive. Before reading this be warned i’m not sure where it’s going. Whether i’ll slate the manager. Whether i’ll work out what is going on in John Stones’ head. Whether Tim Howard is a footballer or not. Or if we’ll get through here. Swansea was toxic. We got nothing. We deserved nothing. It’s gone now though and can’t be changed. What can be changed is everything going forward.

Hey, anyone remember the last time we were 2-1 going into a second leg?

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Oh for god’s sake. We got smashed to absolute pieces in Kiev didn’t we?! Who is that number 10 by the way? Looks tasty. Leave it mate. OK.

That couldn’t happen again could it? I mean Antolin Alcatraz is sunning himself in Las Palmas or some such these days so he won’t be here to pretend defend for 90 minutes. Christian Atsu (hahahaha) won’t be on the pitch. Mind you, the amount of injuries we are picking up them two might just get a call up on loan obviously. I miss Everloan FC. They were boss.

So yeah, I have a real fear this could happen again. And Sunday’s ‘performance’ did not help this one iota. We all know what does Roberto Martinez do to sort it out. The exact same thing he always does. Nowt. Zip. Nada. Nil. Nothing. The same players who finished today, bar the American, will be involved. Robles will be in nets at least. But everyone else should have a point to prove. They play for Everton. They should start showing it.

The league season truly looks over. We sit 12th. Bloody 12th. With the likes of Stoke, South-bloody-hampton, and Watford ahead of us. Not to mention Leicester-bloody-City about to win the lot. Just what is going on? Struggling to cope here.

But wait. There may be light at the end of the horrendous, crap filled, tunnel….

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We’re 2-1 up at half time in a semi final of a cup we are always awful in. We are a draw and a win away from winning something silver, that’s a trophy to the under 30’s who have never seen us win something. We are a draw away from Wembley. Everton do Wembley well. We need to be there more often.

We drew 0-0 at the Etihad just the other week. It can be done. West Ham, did to City what we should be more than capable of doing again. Oh it can be done.

The manager piped up after the game on Sunday about how the players find it hard to play at Goodison. Well, Mr M, we ain’t playing at Goodison on Wednesday so that excuse just won’t do sir. The crowd is turning, and not just the 24 year olds in the Lower G. This is the biggest game of his managerial career, in fact he was a sh*te player, so the biggest game of his life. Nobody cares that he won the cup with Wigan. Nobody cares. It means diddly squat to Evertonians. This is the biggest. Do it, and do it right, and you might just win a few blues back.

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I said my piece on Man City in the first leg preview. Spoilt little rich kids who don’t know how lucky they are. Why them? Still makes no sense. Makes even less sense when you realise the Sheikh Mansour or whatever his name is wanted to buy Newcastle first. How does that make City fans feel? He preferred Newcastle to you.

Mind you, imagine the Geordies with that money. So many horses to punch, so little time.

City skanked a draw at Upton Park on the weekend. I watched it but didn’t pay that much attention to who played or how they played. Sergio Aguero is so good mate. Yaya Toure is weird mate. Joe Hart won’t be playing mate……or will he? I wonder. Fingers crosses Willy is in nets. Ha. Willy.

The rest of the line up should be similar to the first leg. Vincent Kompany is still out, thank the lord, Sterling will run about like Velma from Scooby Doo, De Bruyne will looks great for a bit, Fabian Delph will wonder how he ended up there. You all know Manchester City.

Oh, by the way i’d like to apologise for Jesus Navas scoring in the first leg. I’ve spent all the time since he joined City slating him. He’s a myth. So he punished me in the first leg with an away goal. Let’s hope it’s not a vital one. Nah, we always score.

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Everton, oh Everton. Robles in nets. As he should be. Forever, or until we get a proper keeper. I miss a proper goalkeeper. I miss Neville Southall, I miss Nigel Martyn, heck I miss Jan Mucha a bit the mad weirdo. I’m not mentioned the American by name. He doesn’t deserve it.

At the back, probably be Coleman, Baines, Jagielka (no I don’t know why he was rested either) and either Stones or Funes Mori. For me it would be Funes Mori. John Stones is boss. We all know he is. In a few years time he will Beckenbauring out of defence like no other on world football, but right now he looks like he has no idea. No idea if he should just hoof it, no idea if he should Cruyff it away, no idea if he should pass to the keeper or not. For me, take him out of the firing line for a game or two. Just to give his brain a rest. So, Martinez will probably start him.

In the middle Barry obviously. Besic died again on Sunday, which was a real shame, so does Tom Tom Clevs play there? He doesn’t really convince me, especially in a game where we don’t have to score. Well not straight away anyway. HOLD UP. James McCarthy. My old adversary! Get him in. Is he even fit? No idea. Play him anyway.

Wings, Gerard Deuofeu will look to continue his assist fest 2015/2016, and putting in the most sexual of crosses for nobody to get on the end of. On the other side. Lennon? Maybe. Cleverly? Could be. Mirallas? Nah dead mate. Arouna Kone? Of course it will be.

Lukaku up top. Obviously. Even though he looks absolutely cream crackered, there is literally nobody else. He’s going to play every single game this season. Poor kid.

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And that’s the lot. It’s Everton in the semi final here blues. No matter what you currently think of the manager, the team, the American, that is a fact. Not only that we have a goal head start. And it’s not in the freezing cold capital of the Ukraine either. Things are looking up already. From being sure we were going to Kiev this up at the start of this preview, to now believing we might just do it at the end of the preview. Everton do that to you. It doesn’t take much to change our minds.

It might not feel like it, but we can do this. We can. And then for the first time since 1984 a League Cup Final at Wembley can see us in it.

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We need this.