Here goes!

Recovered yet? Have any idea what’s going on? Questioning life? Forgetting everything that’s good about Everton?

Me too.

So what better to take our loyal minds away from a rather questionable start than a trip to a country that is quite happy to be part of the UK, despite their language that only appears when they don’t want you to understand that they’re dissing you, as we head to Swansea in the league cup?

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Cisco Junior there. Still plays for Everton. Fantastic stuff, despite him being the ghost of league cups past.

God I hate the league cup. It’s like the Golden Snitch (Harry Potter fans will get that), or the Holy Grail (Indiana Jones fans will get that), or the trophy that we’ve never won and quite frankly never look like winning (everyone should get that). My first ever live Everton game was a Rumblows Cup 2nd round match in about 1993 at Sheffield United. We lost 2-1, Brian Deane shafted Everton all over the place, but I was given hope when Pat Nevin scored from a cross. I cried. Like a tiny little girl. Everton do that. Give you a bit of hope, only to blow up in our own faces all the time.

This season feels a lot like that night so far.

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Everton seem to be doing a fantastic job of beating Everton this term. Mistake after mistake are making us all hope that 2nd season syndrome is just a myth. A myth that we could do shutting up in the next two games. Swansea up first, and then you know who on Saturday. But i’ll leave that one to the regular previewer.

The league cup is, for some, a hazard. It gets in the way of the important stuff and has been used, as we’ve all seen, as a competition to blood the youth, and generally not give a hoot about until the later stages when you pray a Bradford has made it too far and can be an easy trophy win.

On a personal front, it’s been a long long time since Everton won a trophy, this one is a winnable bit of tin. A hell of a lot of Evertonians live in a world where they’ve not seen the Toffees win a trophy, while teams like Birmingham and our opponents have picked up this silverware. For me it’s a horrendous competition, but if we won it, i’d be streaking around Southampton rubbing it everyone’s faces. And rightly so. Hang on I don’t know what i’m rubbing there. Oh well.

JUST WIN IT

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Swansea hey?

Never beaten us I believe and you have to imagine they will be taking this competition a little more seriously than ourselves. I’m getting that feeling again.
Swansea itself is a part of Wales I know very little about. But you’d guess that there’s more Man United, and Liverpool fans living there than actual Swansea fans, and from the outsiders point of view it really looks like a hideous jarg Cardiff.

Cardiff is boss. Boss women, boss nights out, boss uni, generally boss. Swansea makes me think of a sweaty Welsh Cake. Whatever that is.

The footy team is alright I guess though. Play a decent game, but there’s just something about Gary Monk that makes me think he’s visited too many brothels of a Thursday evening. He seems to love Swansea a little too much. He loves it, he absolutely loves it. At least it looks like he’s ditched the body warmers this season.

Can’t see them resting too many players for Tuesday’s game. At a guess the utterly awful Tremmel will come in goal, Montero in the midfield with Tom Carroll and jarg Wilfried Bony, Bafetimbi Gomis will start up top as Bony tried to kill some Saints players on Saturday. Well in Wilf.

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As for the *cough mighty Blues, well christ knows. It’s a large point of contention amongst Evertonians whether resting players is a good idea, or we should go strong as it’s silverware and boy do we need that. But with them lot up on Saturday afternoon, would probably be a bit daft to risk the big guns. And it’s utterly mental that we have to play on Tuesday after a Sunday game.

The man Robles will most likely start in nets. Martinez’ go to man in domestic cups has a lot of work to do to make up on far than impressive performances so far. Catch his first cross on Tuesday and we’ll all feel a whole lot better. Punch it weakly into whoever plays centre back’s face and we’ll know exactly what sort of night it’s going to be. Get clenching.

The rest of the team could see the Bosnian bruiser Mo Besic get his first start. And I really hope he impresses. Obviously he’s going to get booked/sent off, but hopefully we’ll be 7-0 by then. Who am I kidding, 7-5 up.

Baines could get rested to give young gun Luke Garbutt a go at left back. Looks a good kid, and left back really is somewhere we are blessed. As opposed to the other side where we have the best right back in the league, and then some other players, who either weren’t born to play there, or are just not very good.

Alcaraz may come into the centre back role, thus giving us all flashbacks to the St.Mary’s disaster. ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING ANTOLIN?’, but the centre backs role could just as easily go to Browning, Galloway, or Stones might get a chance to show he’s not a right back again.

Up top? Literally no idea. Arouna Kone full stop.

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Look Everton. There are a load of fans with questions at the moment. Lots and lots of not positive questions. What better way than snotting our next two opponents and showing the world that we can defend AND score loads of goals?

SMASH THEM SMASH ALL OF THEM