Everton v Crystal Palace

I think the Fine Young Cannibals put it best when they said My Good Thing – you’ve been gone too long.

This good thing of ours – a swashbuckling attacking Everton side beating the opposition without breaking stride – has indeed been gone too long. And we’ve been around long around to know it might not last. So you best enjoy it then hadn’t you? Join me in overly enthusing over this current Everton team and being dismissive of the opposition by reading on, or even by cooing at the arl photos that google has washed up like massive jellyfish on Crosby beach that you’re petrified to go within five metres of.

It’s a remarkable run we find ourselves on with the Sunderland win making it seven games in a row that we’ve gained the maximum three points propelling us 21 points further in the league from a position behind Man Utd to so far ahead they’re choking on our dust. But that’s just how we roll these days.

The Sunderland game was similar to a few others in the this ace run where we have looked far from convincing but had that bit of quality that all boss teams do enabling us to nab the three points and the spoils of victory. Heavens knows it’s been us on the receiving end of such defeats for far too long.

We find ourselves in fourth place with five games of the season to go and the all-important momentum on our side. Like me perhaps you’re waiting for the inevitable collapse and the stars aligning perfectly for our nearest and dearest to make the media unwatchable for the summer but do you know what? There’s something about this Everton side which makes me truly believe there’s some good years of your life ahead, and days are seldom better in lives than when played out against a boss Everton backdrop.

So Crystal Palace are the latest unfortunate bastards to stand in the way of the royal blue juggernaut as they stroll into town full of spunk due to one of the only manager switches made this season to pay dividends. Good on Tony Pulis too as overcoming facial features that make you look like Ming The Merciless to improve a previously failing Crystal Palace side. Never mind the media pouring scorn on his methods of football that chastise half arsed fancy dans who can’t or won’t compete in an honest game of togger.

They’re on a run of three consecutive winning games that have propelled them away from the danger zone and onto 37 points. They’re probably safe already but one more would make them relax a little.

In terms of their fan demographics there’s not too much to dislike either, they’re from the more working class south of the city and have tasted abstract disappointment often enough to quell their sense of entitlement.

My own criticism would be that they’re a trifle too obsessed by acting like they’re some form of ultras but that could due to the gravity of Portsmouth influencing them like a troublesome moon on the south coast. Anyway, snap out of that and we can be friends Crystal Palace. Good friends indeed – just remove those pesky red stripes from your kit. I’m overlooking the jarg cup final beating you give us about twenty odd years ago too, you monsters.

In terms of personnel you’re seeing an archetypical first year in the Premier League team battling with showing loyalty to the players who got them promoted but aren’t quite good enough for the top division and trying to attract the type of players who will keep them in the league without putting them at risk of bankruptcy should they get relegated with them on big wage contracts. Or in simple terms – being West Bromwich Albion.

Up front they have the not considerable threats of Cameron Jermone as an athletic target man who’s going to launch himself at any ball launched towards our box and try to keep the defenders busy. John Stones is going to pass triangles around him to death. They will look to use width in the likes of Bolasie or one time jarg Everton target Joe Ledley. Jason Puncheon is their main threat scoring three goals in two games – in his head he is the absolute man at the moment. He’s got his own name on Google alert and anticipates the next ping to his custom white iPhone before tutting and passing it over to those in his company as though he’s slightly embarrassed by it all.

The smug [Poor language removed], I hope Barry breaks at least three of his metatarsals and he pipes down back into obscurity.

Jedinak is all over the midfield like a swarm of crap haired Australian looking to compete, and by compete I mean become a sufficient irritant to those looking to put their foot on the ball. No complaints there – Cahill was of the same breed, just with better hair and boss headers.

The media have got that bored of the missing plane that no one is hardly talking about it anymore, how terrifying is that? Worry not Malaysian Air, I will never forget you.

I have absolutely no interest in assessing their defence only other than to say that there’s a token kopite in there in Scott Dann. And that his colleagues in that particular position on the pitch are not very good so we should take advantage of it and dazzle them with our funky moves and ace finishing.

As you can tell I’m not too arsed about talking about anything other than Everton at the moment; so lets get to it.

Lukaku had a game to forget against Sunderland but since we won its sound. He is very much a striker who is better facing the opposition goal with the ball than with his back to it, but being that tremendous at just twenty years old, well, when the full package comes together – wowzers. As it happens he’s the best striker we’ve had since carbon dating soured Yakubu’s boss slotting. And Jelavic got the F.E.A.R. I hope he grows his locks back or moves into Bubbles off The Wire territory, hair speaking, as at present if he approached me in town and asked me to squat in a dark doorway I may mistake him for someone else. Seriously, put the two photos side by side.

Find earth, and reef.

I think the three games in one week is gonna lead to some rotation so I would expect that rather ace three behind the striker to be Mirallas, Barkley and the ever improving McGeady this week and on pondering them three lining up in royal blue together as an act of rotations makes me realise how far this Everton team are coming on in such a short space of time.

Well done Gareth Barry for swerving a booking in the last few games, that particular two game ban threat has now subsided with the amnesty point being reached so you know what you have to do don’t you? Stamp on Puncheon’s scoring foot and take the yellow early doors. Or perhaps even just continue to do the ace things you do in midfield that make the big difference. James McCarthy on speed? No thanks. Playing as a midfielder for Everton most weeks? Yes please. Can I order two?

Fantastic expectations amazing revelations.

John Stones though?

The Barnsley Beckenbauer continues to silk his way though tough games like its no thing, with only a customary poor decision at some point just to remind you that he’s not even 20 years old. What exactly were you doing when you was nineteen years old? See? I’ve never been so sure of something – this lid is gonna be tremendous and may those tremendous things happen in royal blue for a long time, because if they do then everything gonna be just a-ok brother. No sweat. Pop that bottle open and enjoy an Everton you’ll reminisce over for a long time yet.

Yes, that good.

Jagielka could return so that would be interesting to see how the England player and Everton captain gets on with Stones as they could be together for some time. Or until The Daily Mail sells him personally to Chelsea for ninety million pounds. You happy now?

We’re led to believe that Baines picked up a toe injury on Saturday which makes him a doubt for this game. When I typed “We’re led to believe” there you may have got onto the fact that its just me typing this and unnecessarily using a plural – and that I’m in no way ITK at all. But my mate “Jay” has argued with me sufficiently by email today to the point where I believe him as he’s called stuff before. If not then apologies and “Jay” you’re a tit and I did finger your cousin when we were seventeen despite denying it. Let finding that out be your deposit of goodwill on this supposed information I’m putting my neck on the line for.

Coleman has been quiet of late, well not that quiet but compared to his usual sensational toggering he’s not scored for a couple of games so I hope this is exactly the match to get his juices going again. And OK Tim we concede that you’re sound you. You can keep keeping goal for the time being. Sorry about before.

So more positive words and maybe if were being completely honest – just between us – I have gone a little overboard on the back of a good run containing some moody performances.

But were on a journey here and like most good travel it’s the beginning bit of that travel combined with exciting anticipation is what Roberto would probably call a beautiful moment. So it would be folly not to enjoy it and enthuse over tremendous endings that will never probably materialise.

Crystal Palace are stood in the way of us an that next instalment of happy thoughts and half baked day dreams of the Champions League music blaring out at Goodison with us running out and trouncing some favoured European team with McCarthy prodding our third over the out rushing keeper. Just like a Steven done all them years ago.

There I go again. Everton drives me crazy.

And I can’t help myself. Oo-oo.

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