Tailor made for VIZ...if its still going
The Secret Diary of Aldo Aged 61 1/2
- Thread starter Yarrgh
- Start date
- Status
I think Grand Old Team would make a killing with some Aldo inspired merchandise. I'd buy a "yer blocked
, yet nugget" tee
, yet nugget" tee
100%, boss episode that one and a pearler of a line
I was thinking “grease me up Purps” would be a good seller on here.
Montage of Aldo, James Milner and Klopp with the legend "powered by Speziale Brau"
Frankie says, Relax.
Aldo says, Yer Blocked.
Aldo says, Yer Blocked.
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £80m
13/5/20
9:00am Darren78 is strolling around the hostel out of his gourd. How did I get into this? Our Joan only sent us out to get some milk yesterday. John Henry is still comatose in the corner but where the he'll did we lose Purps? At least Kieran and his identical twin Kookoochoo are on their way to help us escape.
10:00am I know where we are now. I thought from the strange incomprehensible accents we were in Europe but we're in Newcastle and Mike Ashley is banging on the door demanding to see the sheik. What sheikh? Put this sheet over your latex knob gobbling outfit yet nugget says Darren. That's a bit rude but it's on with the sheet and a nice tea towel.
10:30am Mike Ashley is banging on about what a bargain 300 million is for the club. Daza keeps nodding and says it's as small an amount as human rights is in Saudi Arabia. I just make grunting noises because who knows what Saudianese sounds like. John Henry is propped up with mirror sunglasses and an army hat - but that brown ale has done a number on his guts and even when comatose he's dropping bombs like he is over Yemen. Daza says that it's imported camel dung aroma for me sheikh Getinthe Bin Weirdo.
11:15 Well it's going great when fat Ash says let's celebrate with my culture's greatest delicacy and it's off to Greggs for a steak bake. Love a steak bake me but that minge bag makes us all pay for our own. Good job I 've got as sovereign wealth fund behind me and I don't have to worry about my net spend. Then Fat Ash tells us that's he's got a friend at the Sports Direct Arena that knows the sheikh. Dazza looks worried and his plan with Amanda Stavely looks in peril.
12:00 It's only bleeding Rushie and Prince Andy. Fortunately Dazza is an unknown to them and you can't spot me through the tea towel so JH is my big worry.
12:15 pm Fat Ash has arranged a gift to be presented to me by Prince Andy as a show of goodwill. I'm chuffed and am put on the centre of a stage with Andy. He asks if it reminds me of the punishment stages back home. I nod in agreement- I know some bitter bloos who could do with a good flogging (no names, but looking at you Mayor Anderson). And then the big reveal ... it's a prize racing pigeon. Well I've had enough and blurt out, "Andy you effing nugget who the eff gives an effing pigeon? All of yer! Yer effing blocked!"
Well Fat Ash is furious. That's the 14th time a sale has fell through he shouts. He's boiling with rage. He demands that we have a contest of our sports to see if the deal goes through. He chooses horse punching and Dazza looks at me and I say knob scoffing.
1:00pm Well howay the lads we're at the Bladon races. Fat Ash picks two beer bellied Geordie and they're able to sock a horse 3 times each before the stallion falls over using their secret Mick Quin techniques. Dazza says he will use his patented donkey punch tecnique but my windmill action means we're onto a loser. Luckily John Henry wakes up just in time for the knob challenge. In the last few days John Henry's insatiable lust for knobs has rendered him the biggest yank knob hobbled in known history. And add that to my big gaping gob, we're unstoppable.
1:30pm Fortunately Newcastle Unitrd has the second highest number of knobs after the mighty reds so we're in for a good stuffing. Ash and his champion Jimmy 5 bellies sit opposite us. I'm worried that lad is almost as big as Raze! Prince Andy starts us off with a countdown.
1:35pm Neck and neck and jockeying into position with the knobs. It's close but perhaps John Henry is out knob jockeying Fat Ash. I do my patented Aldo's deep throat manoeuvre and slurp down the knobs in front of me. Prince Andy exclaims the last time he saw that he was at his friend Jeffrey's house. But you can see that Rushie is on to something! The gig is up or is It?
1:40pm I can't suck down another knob says the rotund Geordie gobshi7e and John Henry stands up, cheers and throws up the remnants of a 1000 knobs over his shoes. Why he's no Saudi shouts Fat Ash - shi... - he's a Geordie! You better prove this isn't a big con, if you are Arabs if I rub this lamp I just conveniently found then there should be a genie.
1:41pm Well Fat Ash starts rubbing away just as Ashtonian walks past blowing out the biggest cloud of vape. John Henry releases a thunderclap from his brown ale addled guts and who should appear but big Purps dressed like Will Smith from that Aladdin movie. Fat Ash is flabbergasted and says eff me. Bug Purps says your wish is my command. Well for a fat lad Mike Ashley sure moved quick leaving us to make a quick getaway.
2:00pm on the way back to Liverpool now because Kieran and kookatchookachoo turned up with the minibus. But Dazza is nowhere to be seen. Do you think he'll turn up again Purps? I cannot deny he is a muscular man Aldo and I think we just might.
6:00pm Finally back in civilisation. Well that certainly threw us off track John Henry! Don't worry the customers start arriving tomorrow for 2 weeks quarantine in the club shop before the 2 game trial restart and your Big Fat Aldo Gay Respecto March. Credit due to JH, he's always got his eye on the ball.
7:00pm Rushie rings up and asks if I have any family in Saudi Arabia. He says him and Andy just met a guy who looked like me. What a thick plank that Welsh nugget is.
8:00pm well deserved fish and chips dinner from our Joan. She says Kenny had a big lunch a couple of beers and fell asleep in front of countdown before walking the dog. How that family is coping with his Chinese Fru is inspiring. When will be stop having no symptoms. How much can one man suffer? #prayforkenny
8:30 Merdarossa taking on FC Avispon. With just 6 points to the title and this game before the Guatemalan winter break it'll be tattoo time for the hombres before they win the league in their next game against Armagoazul - no way they will let that slip.
9:15pm Cracking first half. El Jurgo is a genius!
10:00pm I'm sat here in my box room shaking and crying. This team of redmen half a world away who now mean more to me than any other team could have just been robbed. Lungo do Paperio has just scored as well as Deeninho. It's an outrage. I'm choking on my last can of special brew
11:00pm Souey and his step dad are having a blazing row in the street. I shout out the window that they should get a room. I tell myself if I was any sharper I'd cut myself!
9:00am Darren78 is strolling around the hostel out of his gourd. How did I get into this? Our Joan only sent us out to get some milk yesterday. John Henry is still comatose in the corner but where the he'll did we lose Purps? At least Kieran and his identical twin Kookoochoo are on their way to help us escape.
10:00am I know where we are now. I thought from the strange incomprehensible accents we were in Europe but we're in Newcastle and Mike Ashley is banging on the door demanding to see the sheik. What sheikh? Put this sheet over your latex knob gobbling outfit yet nugget says Darren. That's a bit rude but it's on with the sheet and a nice tea towel.
10:30am Mike Ashley is banging on about what a bargain 300 million is for the club. Daza keeps nodding and says it's as small an amount as human rights is in Saudi Arabia. I just make grunting noises because who knows what Saudianese sounds like. John Henry is propped up with mirror sunglasses and an army hat - but that brown ale has done a number on his guts and even when comatose he's dropping bombs like he is over Yemen. Daza says that it's imported camel dung aroma for me sheikh Getinthe Bin Weirdo.
11:15 Well it's going great when fat Ash says let's celebrate with my culture's greatest delicacy and it's off to Greggs for a steak bake. Love a steak bake me but that minge bag makes us all pay for our own. Good job I 've got as sovereign wealth fund behind me and I don't have to worry about my net spend. Then Fat Ash tells us that's he's got a friend at the Sports Direct Arena that knows the sheikh. Dazza looks worried and his plan with Amanda Stavely looks in peril.
12:00 It's only bleeding Rushie and Prince Andy. Fortunately Dazza is an unknown to them and you can't spot me through the tea towel so JH is my big worry.
12:15 pm Fat Ash has arranged a gift to be presented to me by Prince Andy as a show of goodwill. I'm chuffed and am put on the centre of a stage with Andy. He asks if it reminds me of the punishment stages back home. I nod in agreement- I know some bitter bloos who could do with a good flogging (no names, but looking at you Mayor Anderson). And then the big reveal ... it's a prize racing pigeon. Well I've had enough and blurt out, "Andy you effing nugget who the eff gives an effing pigeon? All of yer! Yer effing blocked!"
Well Fat Ash is furious. That's the 14th time a sale has fell through he shouts. He's boiling with rage. He demands that we have a contest of our sports to see if the deal goes through. He chooses horse punching and Dazza looks at me and I say knob scoffing.
1:00pm Well howay the lads we're at the Bladon races. Fat Ash picks two beer bellied Geordie and they're able to sock a horse 3 times each before the stallion falls over using their secret Mick Quin techniques. Dazza says he will use his patented donkey punch tecnique but my windmill action means we're onto a loser. Luckily John Henry wakes up just in time for the knob challenge. In the last few days John Henry's insatiable lust for knobs has rendered him the biggest yank knob hobbled in known history. And add that to my big gaping gob, we're unstoppable.
1:30pm Fortunately Newcastle Unitrd has the second highest number of knobs after the mighty reds so we're in for a good stuffing. Ash and his champion Jimmy 5 bellies sit opposite us. I'm worried that lad is almost as big as Raze! Prince Andy starts us off with a countdown.
1:35pm Neck and neck and jockeying into position with the knobs. It's close but perhaps John Henry is out knob jockeying Fat Ash. I do my patented Aldo's deep throat manoeuvre and slurp down the knobs in front of me. Prince Andy exclaims the last time he saw that he was at his friend Jeffrey's house. But you can see that Rushie is on to something! The gig is up or is It?
1:40pm I can't suck down another knob says the rotund Geordie gobshi7e and John Henry stands up, cheers and throws up the remnants of a 1000 knobs over his shoes. Why he's no Saudi shouts Fat Ash - shi... - he's a Geordie! You better prove this isn't a big con, if you are Arabs if I rub this lamp I just conveniently found then there should be a genie.
1:41pm Well Fat Ash starts rubbing away just as Ashtonian walks past blowing out the biggest cloud of vape. John Henry releases a thunderclap from his brown ale addled guts and who should appear but big Purps dressed like Will Smith from that Aladdin movie. Fat Ash is flabbergasted and says eff me. Bug Purps says your wish is my command. Well for a fat lad Mike Ashley sure moved quick leaving us to make a quick getaway.
2:00pm on the way back to Liverpool now because Kieran and kookatchookachoo turned up with the minibus. But Dazza is nowhere to be seen. Do you think he'll turn up again Purps? I cannot deny he is a muscular man Aldo and I think we just might.
6:00pm Finally back in civilisation. Well that certainly threw us off track John Henry! Don't worry the customers start arriving tomorrow for 2 weeks quarantine in the club shop before the 2 game trial restart and your Big Fat Aldo Gay Respecto March. Credit due to JH, he's always got his eye on the ball.
7:00pm Rushie rings up and asks if I have any family in Saudi Arabia. He says him and Andy just met a guy who looked like me. What a thick plank that Welsh nugget is.
8:00pm well deserved fish and chips dinner from our Joan. She says Kenny had a big lunch a couple of beers and fell asleep in front of countdown before walking the dog. How that family is coping with his Chinese Fru is inspiring. When will be stop having no symptoms. How much can one man suffer? #prayforkenny
8:30 Merdarossa taking on FC Avispon. With just 6 points to the title and this game before the Guatemalan winter break it'll be tattoo time for the hombres before they win the league in their next game against Armagoazul - no way they will let that slip.
9:15pm Cracking first half. El Jurgo is a genius!
10:00pm I'm sat here in my box room shaking and crying. This team of redmen half a world away who now mean more to me than any other team could have just been robbed. Lungo do Paperio has just scored as well as Deeninho. It's an outrage. I'm choking on my last can of special brew
11:00pm Souey and his step dad are having a blazing row in the street. I shout out the window that they should get a room. I tell myself if I was any sharper I'd cut myself!
Tune in next time for blue havreys big reveal that he's actually not what he seems
Danger of this thread is the egotistical scouse lah! will think he matters. Believe me, I know him of old...[Poor language removed]
Couldn’t sleep last night so went through this from page 1. Always cry laugh at a chippy tits reference lol
Knob jockeying. lol
- Status