The Secret Diary of Aldo Aged 61 1/2
- Thread starter Yarrgh
- Start date
- Status
Well they should have put down the medicine books and played more footy at school the swots lol lol lol
“ Yer blocked you nugget “ will live on forever on here lol
peteblue
Welcome back Wayne
That and ‘Fru’......
TGW89
Player Valuation: £35m
ricer10
Player Valuation: £15m
Aaaaaggghhhh ....thought THIS was the next installment !!!!
Soz, I'm having withdrawals too.
Dario Terracotta
Player Valuation: £70m
Love Aldo now,oh god,this has gone terribly array hasn't it?!!!!!
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £80m
06/05/20
9:00am Wake up due to screaming from down the road at Souey’s house. His mum is yelling at him. He comes bursting out of the house in tears and shouts back at her, lash his medals on the table ma, on the table – let’s compare! What a way to start the morning! Imagine being poor ol’ Souey and finding out that Paul Pogba is going to be your stepdad. Our Purps said he was watching a video like that last week and winked at me – it must have been a harrowing documentary because he said he felt drained after it. He did say that it reminded him of us – the soft git.
10:00am John Henry is on the phone and saying that the FA have chosen Old Trafford as a neutral ground and not Anfield! He’s in tears and who can blame him? That’s the sort of bias that goes against der mighty redmen all the time. It’s just not fair. I’m going to use my contacts from Sunday Supplement to sort this out. I ring up Holty and I can tell you that his alice band fell out he was so shocked at the discrimination and he’s a Stockport fan! He said that him and big Fat Marty will pop around carrying Alan Brazil to the Premier League HQ in that there London and threaten to explode Brazil’s big bulbous head if they don’t let Anfield be a neutral venue for us. Imagine not having Anfield host the away derby against dat bloo shower of nuggets – it’d be like putting an asterisk against our title and we’d be mocked for the rest of our lives. Can’t believe they’d consider harming the integrity of our game. Absolute nuggets.
11:00am Since Klopp left, the players have lost their fitness. Just saw Sadio Mane walk past. He’s bloated out so much that he had to borrow a brown velour XXXXXXL tracksuit from Big Raze. What with his white Chinese fru mask and his red LFC bobble hat, you can see why all the kids are shouting Christmas Pudding at him. It’s sad to see. James Milner can barely do a sub 2 hour marathon each day now and he fell into a cauldron of speziale brau as a baby. Good job Bobby from Brazil has been practising his carnival routine for my Big Aldo Liverpool Bi-Game Tournament Pride March otherwise he’d look like that dodgy bird Brenda Rodgers was chatting up at the Lisbon.
Noon. Kenny still can’t get rid of having no symptoms. That lad has suffered more from the Chinese fru than anyone. All he wants to see in his life is the extension at Anfield to make the BIG stand bigger. That lousy government has stopped us from building it because we’re a socialist club and they’ve used the Chinese fru as an excuse. Just ask Kenny if that’s fair. Look at his little sad face Boris, what have you had with the fru to compare to that yer nugget.
1:00pm Bloody Rushie giving it the big man routine outside the corner shop with Prince Andrew. We’ve got a special guest who is a big redman. He’s going to fix this whole fru thing! Who is it I ask, and they’re all giggly and saying buy a ticket and find out. Well you pair of tossers, my Big Fat Parade is going to end up at Anfield in a pyro display followed by a gala of football in a neutral stadium full of Malaysians and Norwegians! Beat that! The pair look like a right bunch of goons. Djimi says that the last time anyone got a smackdown like that it was Pongo getting the French league shut down.
2:00pm Germans are re-starting their league. Even a few cases of fru won’t stop them lads. Just get them in their uniforms and they’re great at following orders and stuff. I wish Jurgen was back. I’m worried about the lads without him. If only there was some plank at the PL who thought multiple substitutes and shortening game time could be an idea – if only anyone would be that daft!
3:00pm John Henry is well on board now with the football and pride march. He says that the mayor is against us though. What is his problem? I know he is a bitter bloo, but come on Joe, stop wasting all the city’s money on that shower and give us a break for a change. I tweet it out that Joe
5:00pm That lousy journo Patrick Barkley from the Telegraph just called asking did I think that it was hypocritical that Liverpool wanted the women’s league cancelling and not the men’s. I tell him to eff off back to the starship Enterprise Captain Picard. That told him the nugget.
7:00pm Have my tea – egg and chips and beans! Nice one. Now on with the Guatemalan Footy. El Jurgo’s Merdarossa FC take on Citie de Hombre who are a dead rich oil club who have been trying to ruin the league by purchasing it. Of course Merdarossa are bossing the Liga Alternativa but now they have a real chance of winning the league proper. They pay a dead boring game and they robbed Merdarossa’s best young attacking player by offering the mercenary more money – I hate that Raoul Sterling-Sousa no end.
8:00pm Bloody hell it’s close. El MR are only just winning – good job el VAR didn’t spot Sean Dundee’s handball to push it over the line. In at half time – El Jurgo is furious with the linesman – now that’s el passione!
9:00pm Absolute cracker Hamez Milnerandoz turned back the years there to annihilate his former team mates. Now that’s football! I’ve drank me way through 7 special brews.
10:30pm Get on the old twitter. Some right bitter bloos on tonight. Covid off you bitter sod Mayor Anderson. I will have my parade! And what’s more I’m going to make it totally international. El Jurgo on twitter is well up for bringing the MR over to England. Talk about Respecto for us! There they are though with such a manager and we haven’t got one. Apparently interpol are after Klopp for his speziale brau – it contains the banned products from the Tory Eugenics project from the 80’s. I am disgusted that a good socialist club like ours can’t profit from this – it’s a disgrace! Just think how much we were raising the country’s morale with that.
10:45 @toffee82 tweets that I am a right knob gobbler and should have had it at Aldofest. What a nugget. Obviously a bitter bloo. When I google it though it turns out that it’s about eating biscuits. So like Keiran says, double down Aldo, double down! Well I tweet back that I am going to gobble more knobs than anyone at my big LGBTQ Pride March and whoever brings their knobs to event, I will gobble. I go to bed with twitter blowing up! Everyone wants to feed me their knob! What a day.
9:00am Wake up due to screaming from down the road at Souey’s house. His mum is yelling at him. He comes bursting out of the house in tears and shouts back at her, lash his medals on the table ma, on the table – let’s compare! What a way to start the morning! Imagine being poor ol’ Souey and finding out that Paul Pogba is going to be your stepdad. Our Purps said he was watching a video like that last week and winked at me – it must have been a harrowing documentary because he said he felt drained after it. He did say that it reminded him of us – the soft git.
10:00am John Henry is on the phone and saying that the FA have chosen Old Trafford as a neutral ground and not Anfield! He’s in tears and who can blame him? That’s the sort of bias that goes against der mighty redmen all the time. It’s just not fair. I’m going to use my contacts from Sunday Supplement to sort this out. I ring up Holty and I can tell you that his alice band fell out he was so shocked at the discrimination and he’s a Stockport fan! He said that him and big Fat Marty will pop around carrying Alan Brazil to the Premier League HQ in that there London and threaten to explode Brazil’s big bulbous head if they don’t let Anfield be a neutral venue for us. Imagine not having Anfield host the away derby against dat bloo shower of nuggets – it’d be like putting an asterisk against our title and we’d be mocked for the rest of our lives. Can’t believe they’d consider harming the integrity of our game. Absolute nuggets.
11:00am Since Klopp left, the players have lost their fitness. Just saw Sadio Mane walk past. He’s bloated out so much that he had to borrow a brown velour XXXXXXL tracksuit from Big Raze. What with his white Chinese fru mask and his red LFC bobble hat, you can see why all the kids are shouting Christmas Pudding at him. It’s sad to see. James Milner can barely do a sub 2 hour marathon each day now and he fell into a cauldron of speziale brau as a baby. Good job Bobby from Brazil has been practising his carnival routine for my Big Aldo Liverpool Bi-Game Tournament Pride March otherwise he’d look like that dodgy bird Brenda Rodgers was chatting up at the Lisbon.
Noon. Kenny still can’t get rid of having no symptoms. That lad has suffered more from the Chinese fru than anyone. All he wants to see in his life is the extension at Anfield to make the BIG stand bigger. That lousy government has stopped us from building it because we’re a socialist club and they’ve used the Chinese fru as an excuse. Just ask Kenny if that’s fair. Look at his little sad face Boris, what have you had with the fru to compare to that yer nugget.
1:00pm Bloody Rushie giving it the big man routine outside the corner shop with Prince Andrew. We’ve got a special guest who is a big redman. He’s going to fix this whole fru thing! Who is it I ask, and they’re all giggly and saying buy a ticket and find out. Well you pair of tossers, my Big Fat Parade is going to end up at Anfield in a pyro display followed by a gala of football in a neutral stadium full of Malaysians and Norwegians! Beat that! The pair look like a right bunch of goons. Djimi says that the last time anyone got a smackdown like that it was Pongo getting the French league shut down.
2:00pm Germans are re-starting their league. Even a few cases of fru won’t stop them lads. Just get them in their uniforms and they’re great at following orders and stuff. I wish Jurgen was back. I’m worried about the lads without him. If only there was some plank at the PL who thought multiple substitutes and shortening game time could be an idea – if only anyone would be that daft!
3:00pm John Henry is well on board now with the football and pride march. He says that the mayor is against us though. What is his problem? I know he is a bitter bloo, but come on Joe, stop wasting all the city’s money on that shower and give us a break for a change. I tweet it out that Joe
5:00pm That lousy journo Patrick Barkley from the Telegraph just called asking did I think that it was hypocritical that Liverpool wanted the women’s league cancelling and not the men’s. I tell him to eff off back to the starship Enterprise Captain Picard. That told him the nugget.
7:00pm Have my tea – egg and chips and beans! Nice one. Now on with the Guatemalan Footy. El Jurgo’s Merdarossa FC take on Citie de Hombre who are a dead rich oil club who have been trying to ruin the league by purchasing it. Of course Merdarossa are bossing the Liga Alternativa but now they have a real chance of winning the league proper. They pay a dead boring game and they robbed Merdarossa’s best young attacking player by offering the mercenary more money – I hate that Raoul Sterling-Sousa no end.
8:00pm Bloody hell it’s close. El MR are only just winning – good job el VAR didn’t spot Sean Dundee’s handball to push it over the line. In at half time – El Jurgo is furious with the linesman – now that’s el passione!
9:00pm Absolute cracker Hamez Milnerandoz turned back the years there to annihilate his former team mates. Now that’s football! I’ve drank me way through 7 special brews.
10:30pm Get on the old twitter. Some right bitter bloos on tonight. Covid off you bitter sod Mayor Anderson. I will have my parade! And what’s more I’m going to make it totally international. El Jurgo on twitter is well up for bringing the MR over to England. Talk about Respecto for us! There they are though with such a manager and we haven’t got one. Apparently interpol are after Klopp for his speziale brau – it contains the banned products from the Tory Eugenics project from the 80’s. I am disgusted that a good socialist club like ours can’t profit from this – it’s a disgrace! Just think how much we were raising the country’s morale with that.
10:45 @toffee82 tweets that I am a right knob gobbler and should have had it at Aldofest. What a nugget. Obviously a bitter bloo. When I google it though it turns out that it’s about eating biscuits. So like Keiran says, double down Aldo, double down! Well I tweet back that I am going to gobble more knobs than anyone at my big LGBTQ Pride March and whoever brings their knobs to event, I will gobble. I go to bed with twitter blowing up! Everyone wants to feed me their knob! What a day.
Captain Picard lol
'No Respecto!' is the essence of Aldoism.
PaulPowersTash
Player Valuation: £15m
'Kenny still can’t get rid of having no symptoms.'
Stupendous!
Stupendous!
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