Now a big part of going to the match for me is Random Verbal Outbursts, of the kind that everyone around hears and particularly 'The Mark' or indeed in many cases 'The No-Mark' hears, plain as day.
Today gave me the chance to voice my opinion at some of the stars of World Football as the Millionaires of Chelsea rolled into town for an FA Cup 4th Round Fixture. As it was an early kick-off and pretty cold, I sacked off going to the pub and after a mug of hot tea in St. Lukes Church we arrived in the ground fairly early, the lad wanted to go down to next to the tunnel to try and get some autographs, so down there we headed.
The players were out on the pitch warming up and in the corner beneath the scoreboard, sat the F.A. Challenge Cup. As the Blues left the field, encouragement was given to each and every one.
Then off trouped the opposition, a few well timed ones in the direction of Mr Drogba, Mr Terry and Mr Lampard, coupled with chortles all around and I was in my element, then the bloke next to says, "here y'are lad, this guy must be gettin' it."
I glanced onto the pitch and there he was 'my mark' strollin' off in the Goodison sunshine like he hadn't a care in the world.
I locked on and launched a heatseeker......
"Ashley, Ashley....Wave Ashley"
He did a little wave looking towards us tryin' to figure out who had shouted it ? Thinking no doubt that it was one of his legion of fans... with rather a gruff voice I must add.
I had to follow up quickly...
"Not wave to me softlad, turn around"
he glanced behind him wondering 'wtf' ?
"The cup, Wave Bye-Bye to the cup lad it's the last you'll see of it for a while "
He got that forlorn look of 'I've been done'....little did he know I wasn't finished !!
He looked right at me with the look of a man thats been had.
"Just think lad It'll be as far away from you tonight as your Mrs"
to my right I hear "Get in there !! Well in lad"
so I looked across and it was Rossy !! Pishin himself.
Ashley Cole.......Ready, Aim, Boom !!
I had him again in the 1st 5 mins, mocking him with "Wave Ashley, Wave" just to let him know where I was. He heard it again and tried to ignore it, but he knew that I knew that he knew.