I wasn't going to write anything but feel I need to get it out of my system.
I will be forty on the day of the away game in Bern and have been watching Everton home and away regularly since I was eight.
Maybe it's because I have an addictive personality but I simply cannot take a passing interest in something. If I get involved, it becomes all-consuming and can take over my life. Short-term, this can mean learning languages, watching a box-set, obsessively going the gym etc.
Long-term, this means football and, more importantly, Everton FC.
It has now crept into the afternoon on another day after another defeat following another inept performance with very few positives and one in which we somehow managed to score with our only two shots on target to create a flattering scoreline causing our manager to patronisingly tell everyone that we are playing the right way with the right attitude.
Some people have gone back to work today and that, in many cases, will provide a welcome distraction from all things Everton. For those who work with banterous Kopites and/or Mancs, it might not be so welcome.
I go back to work for half a day on Wednesday and then back in full swing on Friday. In the meantime, I should be out with my family on what has to be said is an extremely rare day off for me. Instead some eighteen hours since the game ended, I am still sat here trawling through forums and Facebook and wallowing in sadness and misery and, like the vast majority on here, seriously worried as to where our next three points are coming from.
I suppose the point I am making is that I admire those in this thread and other recent match-threads who declare that they are not going to allow another poor defeat to ruin Christmas or their day generally.
I have to confess though that, even as someone of my age and a father of two, I still live my life through Everton and their results and my family suffer as a consequence.
My lad comes the game with me and, even after a bad result, he doesn't dwell on it and manages to quickly move on to the next game or at least gives a good impression of someone who quickly manages to move on to the next game.
I want Hull away to be this afternoon. It isn't this afternoon and so I will continue to dwell and wallow until Thursday which takes me beyond the last hurrah of the holiday season and back to work for another year.
This may well make me a bad person but I don't feel like I have any control over it and I don't think things are going to change now.
Looking back, the last time we failed to take a single point in the four league games that span circa 19th December to circa 2nd January was in Walter Smith's final season. It is a distinct possibility that this will happen again.
So, have I had a good Christmas? I feel I can say on here that I haven't but would have to be more diplomatic to family members.
Some will read this and it may strike a chord, most others will read it and criticise me for the sad person I probably am, especially when you put it into context with the REAL bad things that are currently happening in the world.
I cant help the way I feel and, for what it is worth, wanted to share my experience with fellow Blues.
Yours grumpily.
