Haemorrhoids. Not the painful bunch of grapes wonderfully parodied in Viz in the cartoon Nobby's Piles. I'm talking about the sly little sods who are relatively unobtrusive and cause no actual itching or pain, but every time you sit down and lay a cable, they come out to play.
They still don't hurt or itch, but they come out and get covered in your last meal and when you wipe they go back up and laugh at you.
You know what's happened and you wipe yourself clean. You wipe and wipe until a specially trained police sniffer dog could give your used Andrex the once over and not even notice it had been anywhere near an anus. Especially one that had recently spat out last nights 8 pints of Stella and a Taco Bell.
You still know what's coming though. A few hours later they will sneak back down when you least expect it and your sphincter starts to itch. It eventually becomes so uncomfortable you go back to the toilet for another wipe and its as though you had never wiped in the first place. To make it worse, there are so many skidmarks in your undies it looks like Richard Hammond has been in there trying to drive fast in a straight line.
They still don't hurt or itch, but they come out and get covered in your last meal and when you wipe they go back up and laugh at you.
You know what's happened and you wipe yourself clean. You wipe and wipe until a specially trained police sniffer dog could give your used Andrex the once over and not even notice it had been anywhere near an anus. Especially one that had recently spat out last nights 8 pints of Stella and a Taco Bell.
You still know what's coming though. A few hours later they will sneak back down when you least expect it and your sphincter starts to itch. It eventually becomes so uncomfortable you go back to the toilet for another wipe and its as though you had never wiped in the first place. To make it worse, there are so many skidmarks in your undies it looks like Richard Hammond has been in there trying to drive fast in a straight line.
