Jokes Thread



Mate of mine just signed for Everton had his first meeting with Ronald he said we will give you a run out and pull you off at half time my mate said wow that's great we used to only get a cup of tea and slices of orange at macclesfield
 
Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf toether and discussing surgeries they had performed..

One of them said,

"I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen

The second surgeon said..

"That's nothing!..... A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident and I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics.

The third surgeon said,

"You guys are amateurs". Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuana and he rode a horse head-on into a train travelling at 130 km/h. All I had left to work with was the man's blond hair and the horse's arse. I was able to put them together and now he's President of the U.S.A!"
 

AndyC said:
Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf toether and discussing surgeries they had performed..

One of them said,

"I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen

The second surgeon said..

"That's nothing!..... A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident and I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics.

The third surgeon said,

"You guys are amateurs". Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuana and he rode a horse head-on into a train travelling at 130 km/h. All I had left to work with was the man's blond hair and the horse's arse. I was able to put them together and now he's President of the U.S.A!"
Click to expand...
lol
 
Pat and Mick are sat in watching the TV
The doorbell rings they argue who should answer it
Pat reluctantly opens the front door
Agasht standing in front of him is a six foot sized insect that grabs him by the thrift and beats him nearly to death
Mick assist him by bashing the the insect away with the coal poker
They rush to see the Doctor pleading with him they are not making the event up and are not in drugs etc
The Doctors asks them to calm down - pat say look at me beaten to a pulp black eyes the works ribs broken the lot!
Doctor replies "Please do not worry I have heard there's a nasty BUG going around"
 
Paddy and Fergus walk into a pub and Seamus calls out to Paddy "what's got 4 legs, 2 noses but no brain?"
"Don't know" says Paddy
"You and Fergus" chortles Seamus.
"Nice one Seamus, I'll remember that joke"

Anyway, 10 minutes later, in walk Flannery and Kieran, so Paddy says to Kieran "what's got 4 legs, 2 noses but no brain?"
"Don't know" replies Kieran,
to which Paddy, (holding back tears of laughter) guffaws "Me and Fergus!"
 

Welcome

Join Grand Old Team to get involved in the Everton discussion. Signing up is quick, easy, and completely free.

Register

Shop

Back
Top