What time to Everton kick off tonight ?
Every 5 minutes ????? lol lol lol rofl ha ha ha
Every 5 minutes ????? lol lol lol rofl ha ha ha
Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
WEE Jimmy Kranky love child Nicola Turgid, I mean Sturgeon is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.
Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Wee Jimmy in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur.......
"You get out and check - you were driving."
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. "You were driving; go and tell the farmer," says Ms Turgid.
Five hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks wee Jimmy 1st born.
The chauffeur replies: "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola.
"I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them....
"I'm Nicola Sturgeons chauffeur and I've just killed the cow in the middle of the road."
Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Wee Jimmy in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur.......
"You get out and check - you were driving."
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. "You were driving; go and tell the farmer," says Ms Turgid.
Five hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks wee Jimmy 1st born.
The chauffeur replies: "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola.
"I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them....
"I'm Nicola Sturgeons chauffeur and I've just killed the cow in the middle of the road."
ForestBlue
Player Valuation: £10m
♫ Old McDonald was dsylexic .. EI-OI-E ♫
More Beano jokes.....
anton66
Player Valuation: £50m
What color were the two’s?
A man buys a guard dog to protect his home. Unfortunately he has to get rid of it because it keeps letting everyone in. Turns out it was a UK Border collie.
(Topical?)
(Topical?)
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
So this guy, and this girl, they drive out into the countryside up to lover's lane and the guy makes his move, and the girl says,
"Hey listen, I gotta be honest with you, i'm a hooker"
And the guy says, "Okay" and they agree to £25 (it's an old joke)
So they go in the back and start to really going at it hard, eventually finishing up, as it were, and the guy says,
"Hey listen, I gotta be honest with you too, I'm a cab driver, and it's going to cost you £25 to get back into the city."
"Hey listen, I gotta be honest with you, i'm a hooker"
And the guy says, "Okay" and they agree to £25 (it's an old joke)
So they go in the back and start to really going at it hard, eventually finishing up, as it were, and the guy says,
"Hey listen, I gotta be honest with you too, I'm a cab driver, and it's going to cost you £25 to get back into the city."