Jokes Thread

[Philw]

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Welcome to the 21st century @Joey66!! Your old jokes are nearly from the same decade now...

 

[Joey66]

Young teenager Paddy gets on a train felling a bit thirsty and hungry he sneaks into a first-class compartment as the train is virtually empty of passengers….

At the next stop a Buxom Blonde young fit housewife gets on and sits opposite him with a very young baby in her arms …..

After ten minutes the Baby starts crying…. Do you mind if I breast feed him she asks Paddy …No he stutters…?

She pops out a full large Buxom breast and the baby latches on for a good feed, Paddy does not know where to look – feeling still thirsty he asks the Blonde lady can |I have a go on the other breast ….

Oh go on the trains still empty …Out she pops her other plump breast Paddy moves across and latches on …

The Baby is satisfied and falls asleep she puts him down in his carrier, and after a few minutes is now feeling aroused down under feeling quite moist with young teenager Paddy suckling away….

Oh she groans is there anything else that you want …..

Paddy – Oh yes please Yes you haven’t got any Farley’s rusks have you I’m starving……..

 

[Billysgingham.]

Merseyside police have found £6million worth of drugs, 22 ak47 weapons and 300 hand grenades at a house behind the Library in kirkby. The residents of the area are said to be in shock as the didn't know they had a library.

 

[chrissyjack]

I phoned the Weak Bladder Helpline about my problem. It's 1p a minute.

 

[Cellardweller]

I splashed out on some new lingerie in Ann Summers... Now the assistant says I have to pay for it!

 

[summerisle]

Yesterday I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester.
He had a Wigan address.

 

[Billysgingham.]

Yesterday I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester.
He had a Wigan address.

Mate I've read that a few times now and I must be missing something, can you walk me through this one.

 

[summerisle]

Mate I've read that a few times now and I must be missing something, can you walk me through this one.

Wig and dress.

 

[Billysgingham.]

Wig and dress.

Ahhh got ya now,

 

[summerisle]

 

[Little Ralphy]

What did the Pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey

 

[Joey66]

I asked Asher's Bakery in Belfast to bake me a cake with the words "Philip Schofield" but they refused. What a bummer

 

[Joey66]

‘Two people feared to have died from vape-related injury in UK last year’ That’ll teach them to not blow smoke up each other’s arsps.

 

[Billysgingham.]

I asked Asher's Bakery in Belfast to bake me a cake with the words "Philip Schofield" but they refused. What a bummer

Could I ask why did you mention an actually named bakery .

 

[Kurt.]

Somebody throw @Joey66 another 70’s joke book ffs