Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
No Alla Violenza
Player Valuation: £10m
Who’s the nicest person in the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
The ultrasound guy
And when he’s off, it’s the hip replacement guy
AndyC
Player Valuation: £70m
A young monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!”
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was ... CELEBRATE!"
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!”
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was ... CELEBRATE!"
GrumpyBlue
Player Valuation: £8m
Poor, precious, little snowflake
Got a thumping in Nottingham in the late seventies at an away match because of my Irish accent. Was saved by a few scousers who came along at the right time. Eventually stopped going to away matches.
Nothing snowflake about it. anyways come on the toffees.
I don’t get it ??
Maybe the punchline was in the first sentence??
ijjysmith
Calm
Sorry. This is amazing and I’m stealing it.
Billysgingham.
Player Valuation: £40m
What do you all an Irishman with a piece of glass behind each ear.....Paddy O`Doors
Ihaters
Player Valuation: £35m
What and you could racially stereotype better?
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
My pet mouse, Elvis, died last night.
He was caught in a trap.
He was caught in a trap.