Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
So.... this bloke gets to a motorway service station, and goes to the restaurant...
He gets there and see a sign above the counter...
Beans on toast: £1.20
Baked potato: £2.00
Cheese toatstie: £3.00
Burger and chips: £4.50
Hand job: £20.00.....
He goes to the counter and there is a stunning blonde sat behind.
Long, blonde hair, pouting lips, a cleavage you could drown in, a little bit of lace from her bra showing though.... long, smooth, tanned legs, mini skirt, the lot.....
He says:
"Excuse me, are you the lady selling hand jobs for £20.00?"
She purrs in response:
"But of course"
He says:
"OK...
Wash your hands - I want beans on toast!"
He gets there and see a sign above the counter...
Beans on toast: £1.20
Baked potato: £2.00
Cheese toatstie: £3.00
Burger and chips: £4.50
Hand job: £20.00.....
He goes to the counter and there is a stunning blonde sat behind.
Long, blonde hair, pouting lips, a cleavage you could drown in, a little bit of lace from her bra showing though.... long, smooth, tanned legs, mini skirt, the lot.....
He says:
"Excuse me, are you the lady selling hand jobs for £20.00?"
She purrs in response:
"But of course"
He says:
"OK...
Wash your hands - I want beans on toast!"
Yarrgh
Player Valuation: £70m
I was expecting a Europa league gag to be honest.
deipnosophist
Player Valuation: £80m
Fella in a diner orders a bowl of chili. "I'm sorry sir, the last bowl has been served to the gentleman at the next table"
He turns and sees the bloke lighting up a ciggie but the chili bowl's still full.
"Excuse me, are you finished your meal?...might I purchase that chili from you?"
"Be my guest" the bloke replies..."yours for free"
So, the fella digs in, wolfing down the chili until his spoon hits something at the bottom of the bowl; to his horror he sees it's a dead mouse. He's about to puke when the bloke at the other table sees his look of abject disgust and says...
... "yes, that's as far as I got too"...
He turns and sees the bloke lighting up a ciggie but the chili bowl's still full.
"Excuse me, are you finished your meal?...might I purchase that chili from you?"
"Be my guest" the bloke replies..."yours for free"
So, the fella digs in, wolfing down the chili until his spoon hits something at the bottom of the bowl; to his horror he sees it's a dead mouse. He's about to puke when the bloke at the other table sees his look of abject disgust and says...
... "yes, that's as far as I got too"...
Baines' left foot
Player Valuation: £90m
Av got one for ya
Wait for it.....
Wait for iiiitttt.....
Everton Football Club
lol lol lol lol lol
Wait for it.....
Wait for iiiitttt.....
Everton Football Club
lol lol lol lol lol
deipnosophist
Player Valuation: £80m
...that's very, veeerrry black humour
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
My mum always used to say that, "forty is the new thirty".
Lovely woman, banned from driving.
Apparently our local police station has had it's toilet stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.
Lovely woman, banned from driving.
Apparently our local police station has had it's toilet stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.
Did you those out of the Beano by any chancelol
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Here's a bit of advice :
Advi
Ok the Dandy then
BigBlueConk
Player Valuation: £70m
I first heard this joke about 30 years and the prices haven't half gone up!
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
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