Everton unveil new signing, Embargo

[Robin Sisland]

Everton Friday unveiled their new signing, Embargo.

Embargo, who is believed to be of South American origin with Spanish roots last year took Russian nationality and having recently finished his military service in Georgia is now eligible to play in Europe.

Originally fielded in a defensive role Embargo is equally at home as a stopper, a no nonsense blocker or for delivering last minute crunching tackles on advancing attackers.

A protégé of legendary Russian coach Nikita Kruschev, Embargo is one of his adopted country’s most accomplished users of his mentor’s, ‘Njet technique’, a simple yet highly effective blocking tackle designed to dissuade further interlocution on pain of an immediate transfer to mid table Siberian side Archipelago Gulag.

It is expected that Embargo will be employed in a variety of roles by an Everton board desperate to inject some reality into their ongoing policy of unclearly un-signing existing players, not signing available players and offering unrealistically low fees for unavailable players from teams unlikely to be any less than unimpressed.

 

[Nebbiolo]

Everton Friday unveiled their new signing, Embargo.

Embargo, who is believed to be of South American origin with Spanish roots last year took Russian nationality and having recently finished his military service in Georgia is now eligible to play in Europe.

Originally fielded in a defensive role Embargo is equally at home as a stopper, a no nonsense blocker or for delivering last minute crunching tackles on advancing attackers.

A protégé of legendary Russian coach Nikita Kruschev, Embargo is one of his adopted country’s most accomplished users of his mentor’s, ‘Njet technique’, a simple yet highly effective blocking tackle designed to dissuade further interlocution on pain of an immediate transfer to mid table Siberian side Archipelago Gulag.

It is expected that Embargo will be employed in a variety of roles by an Everton board desperate to inject some reality into their ongoing policy of unclearly un-signing existing players, not signing available players and offering unrealistically low fees for unavailable players from teams unlikely to be any less than unimpressed.

Got any pictures of him, Robin?
And I can't seem to find his wicki page

 

[Robin Sisland]

I'm told his Wiki entry has been removed, due to lack of references.

 

[Nebbiolo]

I'm told his Wiki entry has been removed, due to lack of references.

Damn it, let's hope he's as good as his reputation says.
There'll be a few more like him in Bill's plans as well. There's that Italian/French/Haitian guy, W.R Skint and the Brazilian/Argentinian/Faroe Islander, R.E Le Gation. He's good, honest.

 

[Robin Sisland]

I've just had it unconfirmed that we're not signing a non existent Brazillian called Absentio.
Just as well really because I've heard rumours he's just a shaven headed c***..

 

[Bruce Wayne]

Given the lack of signings this summer it would be fitting if the first was called embargo.

 

[Nebbiolo]

I've just had it unconfirmed that we're not signing a non existent Brazillian called Absentio.
Just as well really because I've heard rumours he's just a shaven headed c***..

The un-confirmation of a number of non-existent non-players not joining Everton will be the death of me. Absentio is just the latest in a list that doesn't stretch back any longer than it did when the above was not added to it, which might not have been yesterday, or at least not the day before or after. In saying that, Absentio is all we have, so let's at least be positive that we'll be not signing him sometime in the future, or at least soon after that.

 

[Robin Sisland]

Hold the front page, apparently we've sent a task force over to sign up a promising Argentinian by the name of Malvinos, a sturdy defender at the military side FC Junta.
Oh hang on Bill's just had a set to with the club chairman, Belgrano. That's sunk it.

 

[Nebbiolo]

Hold the front page, apparently we've sent a task force over to sign up a promising Argentinian by the name of Malvinos, a sturdy defender at the military side FC Junta.
Oh hang on Bill's just had a set to with the club chairman, Belgrano. That's sunk it.

You know, this is what pisses me off about Bill. Belgrano was clearly backing off a confrontation when Bill went in all guns blazin'.

 

[Robin Sisland]

You know, this is what pisses me off about Bill. Belgrano was clearly backing off a confrontation when Bill went in all guns blazin'.

You are Tam Dalyell, and I claim my £10.

 

[ajax_andy]

Everton Friday unveiled their new signing, Embargo.

Embargo, who is believed to be of South American origin with Spanish roots last year took Russian nationality and having recently finished his military service in Georgia is now eligible to play in Europe.

Originally fielded in a defensive role Embargo is equally at home as a stopper, a no nonsense blocker or for delivering last minute crunching tackles on advancing attackers.

A protégé of legendary Russian coach Nikita Kruschev, Embargo is one of his adopted country’s most accomplished users of his mentor’s, ‘Njet technique’, a simple yet highly effective blocking tackle designed to dissuade further interlocution on pain of an immediate transfer to mid table Siberian side Archipelago Gulag.

It is expected that Embargo will be employed in a variety of roles by an Everton board desperate to inject some reality into their ongoing policy of unclearly un-signing existing players, not signing available players and offering unrealistically low fees for unavailable players from teams unlikely to be any less than unimpressed.

I think this post deserves a Blue Peter badge for effort! I especially like the bit about the 'Njet technique'... evry good.

Although I will speculate that you have to much time on your hands !

 

[kenada_blue]

"Dutch 17 year old wonder kid Barry Von Ardcunt will sign a 5 year deal for Premier League club Everton within 24 hours.

The Ajex youth was reportedly that impressive to scouts that manager David Moyes almost "shot his load" when he saw the video of the player in action.

Steven Pienaar has believed to have known about the player for quite sometime. "He's alright, but having a bunch of 17 year olds running about is a waste of time, and the fans money to be honest. Good player and has a great name, but we'll see what happens."

Everton have declined to confirm the rumour."

Source: Kenada_bluetoffeelanews.pro.uk

 

[Robin Sisland]

Although I will speculate that you have to much time on your hands !

Actually not at all. But I do start work 2-3h before everyone else. If only Bill and Moysey did the same we might have a team of worms instead of...
Oh well not all analogies work.

Pity Shota's past it. I hear there's a lot of Georgian players looking to relocate..

 

[ottozara]

this thread has made me very happy.

almost as happy as the time we almost signed Preemptivo from FC Koldvor.

 

[ToffeeDan]

Embargo and Absentio to be unveiled at Press Conference with 3rd signing of the week:

Everton set to unveil Norwhan Atal - a hard hitting young reserve from the 2nd team of Norwegian side FC Brann Flakes. After a pleasing debut season for Brann Flakes Norwhan Atal is now out of contract and is set to join Everton on a Kenright.