Everton 2011/12: If Everton was a school...

[The Size Of A Cow]

Coleman: Showed promise when he first came up to big school, stayed still for a bit when he discovered fingering, then knuckled down and kicked on again.

Fellaini: Gets As in the harder, eye-catching subjects, and C-D in the less important ones.

Distin: Likeable sort, consistently good grades but with the odd silly mistake in his calculations under exam conditions. Clearly smashing that head girl, Duggan.

 

[Azzurri]

Coleman: Gets on with everyone and is well liked, but at the same time looks willing to cave someone's head in with a shovel at any given moment.

 

[Bluenose1995]

aroused right now

 

[phil2801]

Johnny Heitinga: Sometimes gets the hard attempts right but gets the easiest ones wrong so hes on a C.

 

[Eggs]

......Anichebe does well at lessons for a few weeks, then struggles and goes off sick for a few months.

 

[toffeejack]

vellios: nobody ever sees him at school

 

[FTY]

Barkley: Exluded because the teacher's a tit, comes in, gets A*, gets exluded again.

 

[SpeedEFC]

Naismith: The dozy kid that the teachers know isn't going to do much but keep encouraging him in the vain hope that he figures out how to apply himself in class. D student but regularly flirts with failure.

Baines: The smart, quiet lad who just discovered music that isn't pop and now thinks that it defines him so he grows his hair and changes his wardrobe accordingly. Still the same A* student as before, just a different look.

Heitinga: He was one of the smartest and most popular lads in the year but that all changed when he met his first girlfriend who introduced him to weed and alcohol. Nowadays he mostly sits at home playing the Xbox but is known to turn up to school every once in a while only to embarrass himself again.

 

[Skeleton Crew]

Rooney: That public school star player who was recruited to a private school to play ball even tho the rules say kids can't be recruited and he didnt really want to go but his dad made him.

Gibson: That wallflower kid who you never noticed till he shows up to prom with your date. (from 30yards)/

Howard: The stutterer... well no change there.

Neville: The best thing about highschool girls? We keep getting older but they stay the same age.