Meh. Well it's going to happen and it involves Everton so you'll get behind it but there was no mid week excitement build up over a match that is looking more and more like a dead rubber.
There's a couple of trains of thought over where we are as a club and where we should be. For example those of you growing up with Everton in the nineties may be revelling in the relative comfortable finishes and occasional doing over of a top team. For many of us our eyes have seen the glory so everything else is a pale imitation. Finishing sixth with what we've got is about right though, it's just typical that it probably won't be enough for Europe and a bit of a let down as we'd hoped for somewhat more. That Kevin Brock moment is a long time coming again.
The air of not arsed breezed in after the Sunderland game last week where despite the bold words in the press from players and management we turned up and had as much enthusiasm as the new series of Game Of Thrones. Too bad but there's been a few results like that where we just haven't turned up and this one has closed the door somewhat.
We have visitors to town though so it's impolite not to reference them, as the champagne conservatives themselves come to to play as Michael Jackson's Fulham.
There's meant to be some sort of parallels with the clubs in term of current English hierarchy but truth be told they're probably the polar opposite of everything we are as a club. They're owned by a rich man while were relative paupers, they're from affluent suburbs of that London, were from L4. The air around their home games is lightly pleasant and we've got thousands of angry pissed up dars snarling as anything that has a shadow. They're not really won anything and we have. Respectfully that as neither of us are likely to win anything too soon.
It's ok, we welcome difference around these parts. Just put that f*cking Pimms down and swerve wearing a blazer with jeans lads, you only look like bad balloons. Doing the calm down calm down sign as a response only makes you look further tits. So sit the [Poor language removed] down or we'll make you cry.
One time potential Everton demi God Martin Jol is their cliff jawed manager and has got them nice and comfy in eleventh place. They've done better in recent years but the sales of Dembele and Dempsey last summer would have hit some clubs even harder. There's little expectation other than a couple of rum drubbings of unfortunate souls at Craven Cottage every season where they're much more dangerous than away at a hostile northern away ground. No pressure, some ace players and a great little home ground all bubble wrapped in Premier League packaging. It's a bit sterile but the majority of the country would sell their first born for it.
Up front they have the sometime beautiful Dimitar Berbatov. You've been watching him over the past couple of years so there's nothing that I can add, if he's in the mood then there's not a lot you can do against him. He slots half chances with the cold unemotional air of French receptionist checking you into a five star hotel that you booked cheaply through Expedia.
Sidwell is suspended but on loan midfielder Frimpong returns and could slot straight in. Likewise Damian Duff should be fit. It's a bit weird with Duff how his career has turned out, it seems beards ago that he was aceness itself at Chelsea but like Michael Owen his career has resembled a fit bird turning into a hairy lazy lump way before their time. We're not married to either thankfully so there's no need to be gutted.
The boss Hangeland is in central defence with one time Everton loanee Philipe Senderos who has the permanent expression of someone anticipating some bad news. I have absolutely no interest who their full backs are but Mark Schwarzer is still going strong in goal and with each passing year morphs into Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. That's your lot for Fulham.
There's a doubt about Anichebe so Jelavic may get a run up front. This could all be Moyes mind games so it could be both of them up front against a vulnerable Fulham. Or probably Fellaini playing behind one of them. I'd like to see Barkley get a go on home soil against a team like this. Not that Fulham are any mugs but we'll be seeing more of the ball than them and he'll have a chance to do his thing.
Gibson had to come off at half time last week and may or make the middle of the park which opens up the possibility of fleck haired Phil Neville making one of his last appearances for us. It will come in one of the games so we might as well get it out of the way. No disrespect that to Phil, he's been a good captain and very dedicated to the club. It's just unfortunate that we only really get misty eyed over captains that held something shiny above their heads. Best wishes to him though, he could be back one day. Mirallas was sh*te against Sunderland, this is the type of game made for him with some luck.
Special criticism reserved for Pienaar though. He's had a sh*te season all things considered and it's a shame as we needed more much from him after plumping over four million on him. He shouldn't be immune from some time on the bench, it just doesn't feel me with too much confidence over someone like Oviedo waiting for his chance as he must be not all that in training.
Jagielka is fit again but may be kept in cotton wool for the forthcoming derby. Were always liable to ship a cheap goal with Distin and Heitinga there and despite having three very decent centre backs, we've got some decisions and restructuring to do in that position this summer. Baines is going through one of his quiet spells whereas Seamus Coleman gets a compliment every week in these monotone previews. Well in Seamus. Tim Howard shall play in goal.
Next week's game will get the juices going more as we seek to keep them behind us for another summer of quiet sneering while they're having the mother of all breakdowns. But first it's Fulham and we have to do a job. Fulham are there to be got at - they've not won a game all season where they've fell behind so a stern tw*tting from the start should make them budge.
Apathy could be our common enemy in what's left of the season but I hope that those getting incredibly rich on the back of our club do what they need to do. We need something to be excited about next season as a potentially topsy turvy summer awaits.
That's your cue Everton, get into them.
There's a couple of trains of thought over where we are as a club and where we should be. For example those of you growing up with Everton in the nineties may be revelling in the relative comfortable finishes and occasional doing over of a top team. For many of us our eyes have seen the glory so everything else is a pale imitation. Finishing sixth with what we've got is about right though, it's just typical that it probably won't be enough for Europe and a bit of a let down as we'd hoped for somewhat more. That Kevin Brock moment is a long time coming again.
The air of not arsed breezed in after the Sunderland game last week where despite the bold words in the press from players and management we turned up and had as much enthusiasm as the new series of Game Of Thrones. Too bad but there's been a few results like that where we just haven't turned up and this one has closed the door somewhat.
We have visitors to town though so it's impolite not to reference them, as the champagne conservatives themselves come to to play as Michael Jackson's Fulham.
There's meant to be some sort of parallels with the clubs in term of current English hierarchy but truth be told they're probably the polar opposite of everything we are as a club. They're owned by a rich man while were relative paupers, they're from affluent suburbs of that London, were from L4. The air around their home games is lightly pleasant and we've got thousands of angry pissed up dars snarling as anything that has a shadow. They're not really won anything and we have. Respectfully that as neither of us are likely to win anything too soon.
It's ok, we welcome difference around these parts. Just put that f*cking Pimms down and swerve wearing a blazer with jeans lads, you only look like bad balloons. Doing the calm down calm down sign as a response only makes you look further tits. So sit the [Poor language removed] down or we'll make you cry.
One time potential Everton demi God Martin Jol is their cliff jawed manager and has got them nice and comfy in eleventh place. They've done better in recent years but the sales of Dembele and Dempsey last summer would have hit some clubs even harder. There's little expectation other than a couple of rum drubbings of unfortunate souls at Craven Cottage every season where they're much more dangerous than away at a hostile northern away ground. No pressure, some ace players and a great little home ground all bubble wrapped in Premier League packaging. It's a bit sterile but the majority of the country would sell their first born for it.
Up front they have the sometime beautiful Dimitar Berbatov. You've been watching him over the past couple of years so there's nothing that I can add, if he's in the mood then there's not a lot you can do against him. He slots half chances with the cold unemotional air of French receptionist checking you into a five star hotel that you booked cheaply through Expedia.
Sidwell is suspended but on loan midfielder Frimpong returns and could slot straight in. Likewise Damian Duff should be fit. It's a bit weird with Duff how his career has turned out, it seems beards ago that he was aceness itself at Chelsea but like Michael Owen his career has resembled a fit bird turning into a hairy lazy lump way before their time. We're not married to either thankfully so there's no need to be gutted.
The boss Hangeland is in central defence with one time Everton loanee Philipe Senderos who has the permanent expression of someone anticipating some bad news. I have absolutely no interest who their full backs are but Mark Schwarzer is still going strong in goal and with each passing year morphs into Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. That's your lot for Fulham.
There's a doubt about Anichebe so Jelavic may get a run up front. This could all be Moyes mind games so it could be both of them up front against a vulnerable Fulham. Or probably Fellaini playing behind one of them. I'd like to see Barkley get a go on home soil against a team like this. Not that Fulham are any mugs but we'll be seeing more of the ball than them and he'll have a chance to do his thing.
Gibson had to come off at half time last week and may or make the middle of the park which opens up the possibility of fleck haired Phil Neville making one of his last appearances for us. It will come in one of the games so we might as well get it out of the way. No disrespect that to Phil, he's been a good captain and very dedicated to the club. It's just unfortunate that we only really get misty eyed over captains that held something shiny above their heads. Best wishes to him though, he could be back one day. Mirallas was sh*te against Sunderland, this is the type of game made for him with some luck.
Special criticism reserved for Pienaar though. He's had a sh*te season all things considered and it's a shame as we needed more much from him after plumping over four million on him. He shouldn't be immune from some time on the bench, it just doesn't feel me with too much confidence over someone like Oviedo waiting for his chance as he must be not all that in training.
Jagielka is fit again but may be kept in cotton wool for the forthcoming derby. Were always liable to ship a cheap goal with Distin and Heitinga there and despite having three very decent centre backs, we've got some decisions and restructuring to do in that position this summer. Baines is going through one of his quiet spells whereas Seamus Coleman gets a compliment every week in these monotone previews. Well in Seamus. Tim Howard shall play in goal.
Next week's game will get the juices going more as we seek to keep them behind us for another summer of quiet sneering while they're having the mother of all breakdowns. But first it's Fulham and we have to do a job. Fulham are there to be got at - they've not won a game all season where they've fell behind so a stern tw*tting from the start should make them budge.
Apathy could be our common enemy in what's left of the season but I hope that those getting incredibly rich on the back of our club do what they need to do. We need something to be excited about next season as a potentially topsy turvy summer awaits.
That's your cue Everton, get into them.
