Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Cameron Manning]

I like the crusts, the little one insists they're removed. Pretty sure most kids want crusts off

Tell him if he doesn’t eat the crusts he’ll never get curly hair!!

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I just booked for us to go horse riding in the mountains. He'll love it and no better birthday present then seeing him smiling

Hope you have a really special day together. You are not the bad guy.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Worth posting in here.

Currently off work with stress , caused by everything around me. My wife is a scan away from being able to be classed as disabled so plenty of the home life is on me , cooking , cleaning etc. Even going as far as school runs , it's down to me to make sure my daughter can get to school every day.

Work wise is extremely stressful for the job itself , it's made worse every poor decision being made. However part of the problem I went off with included how I am treated. Despite my job title being quite low in the order , I have project management , system development , running services , training and producing official documentation etc the list goes on. Yet there is still a do as we say attitude at times , no matter how bad things are. No matter how much I prove myself to be better than my job.

The trigger was that some support was put in place only s couple of weeks before and then withdrew on me without any warning to pick my daughter up. With the reasoning it was never meant to be long term , but then it was a measure so I wouldn't use all my holiday leave up doing so?

It's a rock and hard place for me. Simple answer is get a better job where I'm valued but then that would impact home life. I need to be at home and in work at the same time. I know I will hit a point where I can't pick between the two but both will be pulling in different directions. I'm dreading that day.

I've just recently moved house as well so that makes it worse in terms of picking up my daughter , it's a five minute walk from the house but not a 5 minute trip from work anymore.

My only option is to stay off as long as possible , hope the scan comes back with issues and I can argue my case to be based at home perminant. But then it renders me stuck in a job where I'm more likely to be told off for doing something great, or have to fight against the above simply for stepping out of line in the process.

Just feel a little helpless , can't do everything but by trying to , I am wasting away when I could be earning far more potentially.

I dont know what your job is but is there any way you can work from home for a couple of days a week. Also as a parent and/ or a carer you have the right to ask for flexible working. The parent bit only applies if your child is under 6 or a disabled child under 18. Your employer can refuse it but by asking they will have to consider it and give a reason why they are refusing it. You can ask for different hours/times of work and home working. If you apply, you have to set out what you want to work in your application and give a reasonable start date.

It might be worth thinking about.

 

[Ghost Rider]

I dont know what your job is but is there any way you can work from home for a couple of days a week. Also as a parent and/ or a carer you have the right to ask for flexible working. The parent bit only applies if your child is under 6 or a disabled child under 18. Your employer can refuse it but by asking they will have to consider it and give a reason why they are refusing it. You can ask for different hours/times of work and home working. If you apply, you have to set out what you want to work in your application and give a reasonable start date.

It might be worth thinking about.

We did have that open in place , at the start I was working 4-5 days at home but due to short staff / silly reasons to bring more people into the office , combined with more people wanting to work at home..... You see the problem there? So it rolled back to only 2 if I was lucky. That is where the arrangement came into effect , so I could do both office work and school run without it impacting me.

There is an option of wrap around care with the school which would help a little bit but the price of it would be very costly in the long run, 3-4 days of it would have us spending 100 pound a month alone on making sure I can pick her up. That is not an option really, when my son's costs for school are around 120 a month including travel. Add breakfast club on that, well we could end up paying out £270 pounds a month on the kids for school. It's just not sustainable financially.

So to be completely selfless, I need to be based at home to cover all grounds. It's whether I'm able to do that or whether it will be blocked simply as it would be 'unfair' on the other people in the office, which is something I can see them coming back with.

I have to believe my wife will get better long term so short term I can settle in my job. I even have something coming up that if it's successful , would hopefully alleviate some of my issues work wise by proxy. Not guaranteed though

Right now all I'm focused on is life outside of the office , hopefully the doctor agrees and lets me stay off for the foreseeable.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

We did have that open in place , at the start I was working 4-5 days at home but due to short staff / silly reasons to bring more people into the office , combined with more people wanting to work at home..... You see the problem there? So it rolled back to only 2 if I was lucky. That is where the arrangement came into effect , so I could do both office work and school run without it impacting me.

There is an option of wrap around care with the school which would help a little bit but the price of it would be very costly in the long run, 3-4 days of it would have us spending 100 pound a month alone on making sure I can pick her up. That is not an option really, when my son's costs for school are around 120 a month including travel. Add breakfast club on that, well we could end up paying out £270 pounds a month on the kids for school. It's just not sustainable financially.

So to be completely selfless, I need to be based at home to cover all grounds. It's whether I'm able to do that or whether it will be blocked simply as it would be 'unfair' on the other people in the office, which is something I can see them coming back with.

I have to believe my wife will get better long term so short term I can settle in my job. I even have something coming up that if it's successful , would hopefully alleviate some of my issues work wise by proxy. Not guaranteed though

Right now all I'm focused on is life outside of the office , hopefully the doctor agrees and lets me stay off for the foreseeable.

I still think it's worth a shot. Just to get them to justify their reasons. I sometimes think that a refusal for home working is middle managers not wanting to relinquish control and not trusting staff. My place of work had a very strict home working rule pre COVID. Only two people per team for two days a week each. Then COVID came and we all went home. Now there is no expectation for us to go back ever. And my employer has rented out two floors of the building so we couldn't all go back anyway! If you see your doctor ask him to sign you off with workplace stress because by removing your support they have created your situation

 

[Sassy Colombian]

Think I'd go for the pillow fight personally

Fred, it seem we both have more alike than just food and bad hair cuts

 

[dave n]

thanks mate. I forgot to mention we are having fish finger sandwiches for breakfast. ( with crusts cut off of course)

Happy Birthday mate. I hope you and your son had a fantastic and busy day.

 

[Gwladysover]

Thank you. Saturday 43 years old. Might just spend it with my best little friend. Maybe take him out for the day and treat him

Sorry if this is a bit late but Happy Birthday, hope you are having the best day.?.

 

[Dymak]

Things can’t half change in 10 years. I can remember finding Gary Speed’s suicide unfathomable at the time. Now I think he should be commended for making it to 42. I’d have to endure another five years to make it to 42. I don’t want to be too dramatic, but the prospect of another five years, like this, is unappealing.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Things can’t half change in 10 years. I can remember finding Gary Speed’s suicide unfathomable at the time. Now I think he should be commended for making it to 42. I’d have to endure another five years to make it to 42. I don’t want to be too dramatic, but the prospect of another five years, like this, is unappealing.

You ok buddy??

 

[Dymak]

You ok buddy??

Yeah, I’m okay right now thanks mate. Still depressed, but the pain killing medication has kicked in, which makes things more tolerable than without.

But when I wake up in pain, which is a mixture of withdrawal aches, pains and spasms, along with my back pain and muscle spasms, things feel truly awful and I am a very depressed person indeed.

The fact that I now go through this every day without fail, just makes me extremely miserable. To say it has become tedious is a bit of an understatement.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Yeah, I’m okay right now thanks mate. Still depressed, but the pain killing medication has kicked in, which makes things more tolerable than without.

But when I wake up in pain, which is a mixture of withdrawal aches, pains and spasms, along with my back pain and muscle spasms, things feel truly awful and I am a very depressed person indeed.

The fact that I now go through this every day without fail, just makes me extremely miserable. To say it has become tedious is a bit of an understatement.

Glad you're ok at the minute mate. Sounds rough what you're going through. Any time you feel down and want to vent to a stranger mate.Theres always somebody here brother.

 

[Devanski]

@Dymak Sorry to hear you’re enduring an endless cycle of pain and meds.

I assume that you have been through doctors’ and chiropractic help with your condition. Is there any hope of remission/recovery? I’m just conscious of the addictive nature of pain meds and the cycle of withdrawal/pain/recycle.

Have you had any help with breaking the cycle or is the prognosis of your condition chronic and untreatable?
Apologies if I sound obvious and you’ve tried all that.
Wishing you all the best mate.

 

[Dymak]

@Dymak Sorry to hear you’re enduring an endless cycle of pain and meds.

I assume that you have been through doctors’ and chiropractic help with your condition. Is there any hope of remission/recovery? I’m just conscious of the addictive nature of pain meds and the cycle of withdrawal/pain/recycle.

Have you had any help with breaking the cycle or is the prognosis of your condition chronic and untreatable?
Apologies if I sound obvious and you’ve tried all that.
Wishing you all the best mate.

Cheers mate! Yeah, I've had my fair share of medical consultations and attempted various different therapies. I've read a library of literature on related stuff.

I went to see a new doctor the other day. He wants yet another MRI scan although he said he may accept previous ones. I'm awaiting his report that will be sent to my GP. He's the first person to mention the possibility of a non-opiate based prescription. He mentioned a number of different possibilities and I remember one of them was gabapentin.

I've since read up on gabapentin and there are more than a few horror stories out there, yet it's also something that continues to be prescribed in large quantities and there is enough evidence that it can be an effective painkiller. I'm not sure whether it's for the type of pain I'm experiencing though. I'd give it a go if they let me, but one thing that has become abundantly clear is that every single drug going comes with a truck load of side effects.

 

[Devanski]

Cheers mate! Yeah, I've had my fair share of medical consultations and attempted various different therapies. I've read a library of literature on related stuff.

I went to see a new doctor the other day. He wants yet another MRI scan although he said he may accept previous ones. I'm awaiting his report that will be sent to my GP. He's the first person to mention the possibility of a non-opiate based prescription. He mentioned a number of different possibilities and I remember one of them was gabapentin.

I've since read up on gabapentin and there are more than a few horror stories out there, yet it's also something that continues to be prescribed in large quantities and there is enough evidence that it can be an effective painkiller. I'm not sure whether it's for the type of pain I'm experiencing though. I'd give it a go if they let me, but one thing that has become abundantly clear is that every single drug going comes with a truck load of side effects.

Seems like you’re learned and all over your situation so I’ll bow out of that.

Maybe the new consultant and treatment might be for you. I hope it is and you get a better quality of life back.

Either way, as @Earwigjoe says, even if it’s just a need to vent, there are always people here.

Good luck mate. ??