Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[ForeverBlue92]

I lost my partner about three years ago. Realized during the week, speaking to someone, that it's still raw and affects the way I look at and treat other people and myself. Done the therapy and on the anti depressants (Mirtazapine 45mg). I'm also "in touch" with the local Crisis Team.

It was a freak accident and he was only 53.

I feel cheated, though my lips say the right thing (Just glad we had 22 years together). I found out pretty quickly that folk don't like to be reminded of your tragedy.

Day to day, I function. I keep the place clean and tidy, I exercise and eat properly (except for the chocolate!) and I try to socialise though - like everyone else - that hasn't been so easy since March. I work for a charity (online now, of course) Inside tho', nothing but a void. I see myself standing on the edge of a bottomless hole.

They say it's better to have loved and lost ... man, I wish I could believe that.

A big part of me hopes that no - one will read this post. None of you deserves this downer.

So is there nothing good? Well, after 50 years, I may have seen an Everton footballer with the skill, and possibly, the influence, of Alan Ball. Never dreamed I'd ever say that, so thanks Jimmy Rods. As to the rest of it, I really don't know.

Keep your chin up mate - there is no easy answer to this sort of thing I imagine like most things in life you have to just try your best to keep pushing forward and cherish the memories.

Dont know your living circumstances but would you consider getting a dog? When my nan lost my grandad it hit her really hard as they did literally everything together so my ma got her a dog a few years back for companionship and it certainly helped in taking her mind off things and ridding of that empty quietness in the house.

Wish you all the best

 

[anjelikaferrett]

@anjelikaferrett @Spotty

What would he have said? He'd have taken one look at the coffin and "Let's swap. I'll do the eulogy."

His compassion knew no bounds and his contempt for people who flaunted wealth in the face of poverty drove him to distraction. He taught me to be kinder and to keep my mouth shut when I didn't know what I was talking about. He also taught me that you can take a plate of sausage rolls - complete with doily - into Goodison and not get murdered. At one derby in the 90's, he decided to play the silly queen and remarked loudly that the most important thing was that both sides just had fun!

He was a remarkable survivor of dreadful abuse in his childhood and teenage years. He won the Young Scientist of the year in the late 70's and had a successful career in digital security. He was a little gobshite, a saint, a great cook and good humoured. He was kind enough to think I was funny (I'm really not.)

At the Crem, I read out Funeral Blues and every goddam word had a weight of lead to it. We saw him out with One In A Million Men by Pet Shop Boys - his fave band.

Thing is, I believe that our genetics and our upbringing / early experiences provide us with a bag of tools to deal with stuff later on. My bag of tools doesn't really have anything to cope with losing him.

But there we are. S*** happens.

He sounds like a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing that with us. Love the sausage roll and doily memory! He will never be gone while you remember him. Sh*t does indeed happen and it's horrible unfair and cruel. Have you ever seen the growing around grief images? It says grief never leaves us but eventually we can grow around it and manage it. Some days, like birthdays or anniversaries the grief consumes us again. But don't ever put a time limit on it or let folk tell you that you should be "over it" or "moving on" There is no time limit. It takes as long as it takes.

 

[AmericasToffee]

I lost my partner about three years ago. Realized during the week, speaking to someone, that it's still raw and affects the way I look at and treat other people and myself. Done the therapy and on the anti depressants (Mirtazapine 45mg). I'm also "in touch" with the local Crisis Team.

It was a freak accident and he was only 53.

I feel cheated, though my lips say the right thing (Just glad we had 22 years together). I found out pretty quickly that folk don't like to be reminded of your tragedy.

Day to day, I function. I keep the place clean and tidy, I exercise and eat properly (except for the chocolate!) and I try to socialise though - like everyone else - that hasn't been so easy since March. I work for a charity (online now, of course) Inside tho', nothing but a void. I see myself standing on the edge of a bottomless hole.

They say it's better to have loved and lost ... man, I wish I could believe that.

A big part of me hopes that no - one will read this post. None of you deserves this downer.

So is there nothing good? Well, after 50 years, I may have seen an Everton footballer with the skill, and possibly, the influence, of Alan Ball. Never dreamed I'd ever say that, so thanks Jimmy Rods. As to the rest of it, I really don't know.

The hole you feel, in my opinion, could serve as a constant reminder of how you experienced something so profound in this crazy world. That's increasingly rare.

 

[PSB1]

His Nibbs (Adey) - 1965 - 2017, shortly before a Pet Shop Boys concert at the O2 in 2015.

 

[Spotty]

Keep your chin up mate - there is no easy answer to this sort of thing I imagine like most things in life you have to just try your best to keep pushing forward and cherish the memories.

Dont know your living circumstances but would you consider getting a dog? When my nan lost my grandad it hit her really hard as they did literally everything together so my ma got her a dog a few years back for companionship and it certainly helped in taking her mind off things and ridding of that empty quietness in the house.

Wish you all the best

Getting a pet is a great call.

 

[Spotty]

View attachment 102389

His Nibbs (Adey) - 1965 - 2017, shortly before a Pet Shop Boys concert at the O2 in 2015.

PSB1, three years after his demise m8 would suggest you can cope. He appears to have been a right character. You can still be happy and whilst I don't know your personal circumstances I'm sure he would have wanted you to be happy. You ARE entitled to be happy, whatever it takes, you are not being unfaithful if you have or have had relationships for example. Nothing will compare to your partner but its unfair on them or you if you do for example compare people to him. They'll never be him and that's good, you have a new outlook to life, a degree of variety. I know it is extremely difficult but try to cut yourself some slack, do whatever it takes to gain some contentment in your life. You are NOT dishonouring him by being happy, you need not feel guilty. Keep him in your thoughts, your memory but allow yourself to start living again. Good luck m8.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Blue Brethren

Thank God I had a call from the Assistant Secretary General over HR. The Sec Gen has agreed and approved my transfer to head up a different Division. No date yet but my life is about to change for the better.

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts.

Onwards and upwards!!

Hey Rover great 4 days for you. Rovers were great tonight 4-0 away to Dundalk. Byrne was amazing his 2nd goal was stunning Hamez would have been proud of that. 3 more wins CHAMPIONS only the gypsies can catch us now realistically... and we can't have that . I hope the good times continue and you get your start date this week buddy.

 

[Bluerover]

Hey Rover great 4 days for you. Rovers were great tonight 4-0 away to Dundalk. Byrne was amazing his 2nd goal was stunning Hamez would have been proud of that. 3 more wins CHAMPIONS only the gypsies can catch us now realistically... and we can't have that . I hope the good times continue and you get your start date this week buddy.

Cheers mate

 

[bigjonny]

hopefully this is 46 seconds of telly that will make a difference to someone

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

@anjelikaferrett @Spotty

What would he have said? He'd have taken one look at the coffin and "Let's swap. I'll do the eulogy."

His compassion knew no bounds and his contempt for people who flaunted wealth in the face of poverty drove him to distraction. He taught me to be kinder and to keep my mouth shut when I didn't know what I was talking about. He also taught me that you can take a plate of sausage rolls - complete with doily - into Goodison and not get murdered. At one derby in the 90's, he decided to play the silly queen and remarked loudly that the most important thing was that both sides just had fun!

He was a remarkable survivor of dreadful abuse in his childhood and teenage years. He won the Young Scientist of the year in the late 70's and had a successful career in digital security. He was a little gobshite, a saint, a great cook and good humoured. He was kind enough to think I was funny (I'm really not.)

At the Crem, I read out Funeral Blues and every goddam word had a weight of lead to it. We saw him out with One In A Million Men by Pet Shop Boys - his fave band.

Thing is, I believe that our genetics and our upbringing / early experiences provide us with a bag of tools to deal with stuff later on. My bag of tools doesn't really have anything to cope with losing him.

But there we are. S*** happens.

That little story brought a smile to my face, mate, thanks for sharing.

3 years without him, after 22 with him, is barely any time at all; of course the grief is still raw. He sounds like a great man, though, and he's making the forum smile even now! Take comfort in those small things where and when you can, but otherwise make sure you grieve as you see fit. Don't try to put a time limit on it and DEFINITELY don't think that you're bringing us down by posting in here. This thread was set up specifically so people can get things off their chests and hopefully feel better for it.

If you want to name a date of an Everton game this season that is on or near a date you'd like to pay specific tribute, I'll gladly bang a few sausage rolls on a plate (with doily) and post a photo up in here

 

[Bluerover]

I lost my partner about three years ago. Realized during the week, speaking to someone, that it's still raw and affects the way I look at and treat other people and myself. Done the therapy and on the anti depressants (Mirtazapine 45mg). I'm also "in touch" with the local Crisis Team.

It was a freak accident and he was only 53.

I feel cheated, though my lips say the right thing (Just glad we had 22 years together). I found out pretty quickly that folk don't like to be reminded of your tragedy.

Day to day, I function. I keep the place clean and tidy, I exercise and eat properly (except for the chocolate!) and I try to socialise though - like everyone else - that hasn't been so easy since March. I work for a charity (online now, of course) Inside tho', nothing but a void. I see myself standing on the edge of a bottomless hole.

They say it's better to have loved and lost ... man, I wish I could believe that.

A big part of me hopes that no - one will read this post. None of you deserves this downer.

So is there nothing good? Well, after 50 years, I may have seen an Everton footballer with the skill, and possibly, the influence, of Alan Ball. Never dreamed I'd ever say that, so thanks Jimmy Rods. As to the rest of it, I really don't know.

Mate, you have my prayers because you are going through serious loss.

I think I am getting to the other side of a horrible breakdown, but I know that my wife and my true friends have been there for me always. You must have people that will hold you through this sad time.

I will add you to my prayers that you may emerge strong.

One piece of advice.....don't push it. It is not something one can simply switch on or off.

TAKE YOUR TIME MATE.

 

[PSB1]

Mate, you have my prayers because you are going through serious loss.

I think I am getting to the other side of a horrible breakdown, but I know that my wife and my true friends have been there for me always. You must have people that will hold you through this sad time.

I will add you to my prayers that you may emerge strong.

One piece of advice.....don't push it. It is not something one can simply switch on or off.

TAKE YOUR TIME MATE.

How kind of you to take the trouble to write this at a time when you yourself are feeling adrift.

Family & friends have done their best but I think they too were knocked off their perches by the suddenness of events.

I could write reams but it would bore the pants off people, so I'll resist. Thank you again.

 

[bigjonny]

How kind of you to take the trouble to write this at a time when you yourself are feeling adrift.

Family & friends have done their best but I think they too were knocked off their perches by the suddenness of events.

I could write reams but it would bore the pants off people, so I'll resist. Thank you again.

Write as much as you like mate, whatever helps.

 

[Bluerover]

You are most welcome PSB1. I have a strong faith which has really helped me. Basically I was worn down over 3 years by a horrible manager.

I pray for him every day and this actually helps me. I am stronger than him in terms of faith and attitude.

Mind yourself and hopefully Everton keep us smiling!! Shamrock Rovers are closing in on a 12th League Title and the Dubs are going for 6 All Irelands in a row!!

 

[Bluerover]

How kind of you to take the trouble to write this at a time when you yourself are feeling adrift.

Family & friends have done their best but I think they too were knocked off their perches by the suddenness of events.

I could write reams but it would bore the pants off people, so I'll resist. Thank you again.

If you have a Bible, just read Romans 8 26-27 . Trust in God my dear friend. At my lowest I know the Holy Spirit is with me. God bless