Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

You need to let the anger go , and trust in your own instincts regarding where your are as a person..
I reckon everyone has had a desire to live up to what our older siblings precieved to what our Dad should be.. Strong, fit, always gonna be there for ya ...

My Dad died when i was 15, (1977) . So never got the chance to go for a pint with him. Unlike my two older brothers,19 and 25. They always told me i dodged a bullit to never have the experience of me arrfella kicking off on them after a load of Guinness...

It was only after 30 odd years later when my brothers and i get together for a pint,, they kick off on me..

I think its always gonna happen where your Da is in there mate.... you,ll probably do it too Kid x.!
 
Real_madras said:
My Dad died about an month ago. We hadn't talked or seen each other many years. When I was a kid I heard him and my Mum shouting at each other, what seemed every night. ( now that's classed as child abuse believe it or not, although I don't think anything would be done about it). I spent much of my childhood trying to win his affection, doing things that I thought would make him proud. I don't think I ever managed it, I doubt I could of. He left my Mum for his best mates wife and that caused its own issues in the early 90's. During the break up my Dad told me he'd had an affair while I was being born in hospital. I made a big effort to keep seeing him. But when I got married my Dad didn't come to my wedding. This was the end of me relationship with him. I realised whatever I did I was never going to win the love or affection I needed. (I only wanted a hand shake and him telling me he was proud of me) A month became a year and a Year became about 19 years and then got to hear he was in Hospital. I was there when he died.

I went to the funeral and heard everyone telling me, what a good man he was etc. My sister telling me about the good times we had when we were kids. All I feel is anger and like I'm owed something.

I'm actually a qualified Mental Health Nurse. I have looked after people who have been subject to terrible abuse and feel guilty of the way I feel. I have had a life that they can only dream of. I have a loving Wife and two kids I love with all my heart and do everything I can to let them know how much I love them every day.

I tell myself how lucky I am and answer my own questions about my grief. Sometimes my training kicks in. But my feelings still kick in.

Thanks very much if you read through that. I just needed to get it off my chest.

To anyone going through mental health issues, I hope you're get the help you need. Ask for it please. Rich
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I feel the same way as you. My mum died last Thursday. We never had a good relationship; she wanted a princess, she got a bolshie leftie who loves Everton; she didn't like my choice of husband - he's a down to earth working class bloke from the northeast who is the kindest person I have ever met (and who has spent 26 years saying Yes, pet to anything I say :)) but he wasn't a "professional" so he wasn't good enough; my hair, clothes; choice of job was never right. It's always been me who kept in touch, brought the kids to see her, spent numerous weekends in Liverpool without any reciprocation. I have spent my entire adult life seeking and failing to get her approval. One positive was that I vowed that I would never make my own daughter feel about me the way I did about my Mum. It seems to have worked, we have a lovely relationship.

I was there when she died - I came because she was my Mum and also I didn't want my Dad and brother to have to be there by themselves. I have a very close relationship with them. Like you I feel like I've missed out and I feel angry. Everybody else has said how lovely she was- and to be fair she was. So what happened with me?

I actually thought I was imagining things until my brother told me he thought she was horrible to me and his grown up kids had noticed too.

So you have my sympathy and total understanding. And thanks for reading.
 
Real_madras said:
My Dad died about an month ago. We hadn't talked or seen each other many years. When I was a kid I heard him and my Mum shouting at each other, what seemed every night. ( now that's classed as child abuse believe it or not, although I don't think anything would be done about it). I spent much of my childhood trying to win his affection, doing things that I thought would make him proud. I don't think I ever managed it, I doubt I could of. He left my Mum for his best mates wife and that caused its own issues in the early 90's. During the break up my Dad told me he'd had an affair while I was being born in hospital. I made a big effort to keep seeing him. But when I got married my Dad didn't come to my wedding. This was the end of me relationship with him. I realised whatever I did I was never going to win the love or affection I needed. (I only wanted a hand shake and him telling me he was proud of me) A month became a year and a Year became about 19 years and then got to hear he was in Hospital. I was there when he died.

I went to the funeral and heard everyone telling me, what a good man he was etc. My sister telling me about the good times we had when we were kids. All I feel is anger and like I'm owed something.

I'm actually a qualified Mental Health Nurse. I have looked after people who have been subject to terrible abuse and feel guilty of the way I feel. I have had a life that they can only dream of. I have a loving Wife and two kids I love with all my heart and do everything I can to let them know how much I love them every day.

I tell myself how lucky I am and answer my own questions about my grief. Sometimes my training kicks in. But my feelings still kick in.

Thanks very much if you read through that. I just needed to get it off my chest.

To anyone going through mental health issues, I hope you're get the help you need. Ask for it please. Rich
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I can emphasise with everything you have written mate.

My father left when I was very young and I have only seen him on a handful of occasions since, maybe 10, since I was born. I met him in 2015 at a family wedding for the first time in almost 17 years. We shook hands and chatted briefly, but it was all insignificant small talk.

Luckily my mother had the fortune to meet and marry a wonderful man whom I have come to regard as Dad but it doesn't stop me hoping that my father would do right by me, even once. I'm in my mid 40s and still have that wish, even though I know its unrealistic and not going to happen. I get the odd snippet of information about him, as he has better relationships with my older siblings, and get the impression that he is not at all bothered by the state of play with me.

You have a loving wife and two kids - put your love and energies into them mate and I know you will get it back x10000000000.

Take care.
 
brieverton said:
I can emphasise with everything you have written mate.

My father left when I was very young and I have only seen him on a handful of occasions since, maybe 10, since I was born. I met him in 2015 at a family wedding for the first time in almost 17 years. We shook hands and chatted briefly, but it was all insignificant small talk.

Luckily my mother had the fortune to meet and marry a wonderful man whom I have come to regard as Dad but it doesn't stop me hoping that my father would do right by me, even once. I'm in my mid 40s and still have that wish, even though I know its unrealistic and not going to happen. I get the odd snippet of information about him, as he has better relationships with my older siblings, and get the impression that he is not at all bothered by the state of play with me.

You have a loving wife and two kids - put your love and energies into them mate and I know you will get it back x10000000000.

Take care.
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Thank's I know how lucky I am. Ironic what I would say to one of my patients and how I feel. Work has staff councillors. I have asked to see them.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
I feel the same way as you. My mum died last Thursday. We never had a good relationship; she wanted a princess, she got a bolshie leftie who loves Everton; she didn't like my choice of husband - he's a down to earth working class bloke from the northeast who is the kindest person I have ever met (and who has spent 26 years saying Yes, pet to anything I say :)) but he wasn't a "professional" so he wasn't good enough; my hair, clothes; choice of job was never right. It's always been me who kept in touch, brought the kids to see her, spent numerous weekends in Liverpool without any reciprocation. I have spent my entire adult life seeking and failing to get her approval. One positive was that I vowed that I would never make my own daughter feel about me the way I did about my Mum. It seems to have worked, we have a lovely relationship.

I was there when she died - I came because she was my Mum and also I didn't want my Dad and brother to have to be there by themselves. I have a very close relationship with them. Like you I feel like I've missed out and I feel angry. Everybody else has said how lovely she was- and to be fair she was. So what happened with me?

I actually thought I was imagining things until my brother told me he thought she was horrible to me and his grown up kids had noticed too.

So you have my sympathy and total understanding. And thanks for reading.
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Great post, glad I posted last night. Thank you x
 
anjelikaferrett said:
I feel the same way as you. My mum died last Thursday. We never had a good relationship; she wanted a princess, she got a bolshie leftie who loves Everton; she didn't like my choice of husband - he's a down to earth working class bloke from the northeast who is the kindest person I have ever met (and who has spent 26 years saying Yes, pet to anything I say :)) but he wasn't a "professional" so he wasn't good enough; my hair, clothes; choice of job was never right. It's always been me who kept in touch, brought the kids to see her, spent numerous weekends in Liverpool without any reciprocation. I have spent my entire adult life seeking and failing to get her approval. One positive was that I vowed that I would never make my own daughter feel about me the way I did about my Mum. It seems to have worked, we have a lovely relationship.

I was there when she died - I came because she was my Mum and also I didn't want my Dad and brother to have to be there by themselves. I have a very close relationship with them. Like you I feel like I've missed out and I feel angry. Everybody else has said how lovely she was- and to be fair she was. So what happened with me?

I actually thought I was imagining things until my brother told me he thought she was horrible to me and his grown up kids had noticed too.

So you have my sympathy and total understanding. And thanks for reading.
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Sorry for your loss, and so glad you and your daughter are close. X
 
Real_madras said:
To anyone going through mental health issues, I hope you're get the help you need. Ask for it please. Rich
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Great to have you here, although I am sorry for what you've been through there.

EFCPaul said:
Feeling better today, hopefully the last few days were just a brief blip. Still got things on my mind but they're not overwhelming me, I just keep trying to brush them off and accept what will be will be.

Thanks for the kindness from the good folk of this thread who've helped me out and listened to my silly teen angst the past few days.
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It's never silly if it's bothering you.
 
Last weekend I went to see the London Symphony Orchestra play, and most members of the orchestra were wearing green ribbons in support of this mental health campaign- https://www.thelordmayorsappeal.org/this-is-me/about/ - made me very happy that there's more and more openness about mental health issues.

On a totally different note, I've been seeing a career coach through my work; in the sessions we've talked a lot about my stressful (and sometimes bullying) work situation and the dsyfunctional team I'm in, which has helped me see that a lot of what surrounds me is stuff I can't do much about, due to the personalities involved. It did make me laugh in a sad way yesterday when my coach stopped referring to my "development plan" and called it my "get out plan" - sums it all up really, when the person who is supposed to be encouraging you to develop within the organisation is basically saying that you need to leave...!
 
Not having a good day today, struggling to concentrate and think clearly. Haven't been sleeping very well, I feel very tired in the evenings but struggle to settle down. Been on the Citalapram for nearly 3 weeks, feel like I have mood swings were I can start to feel very irratable at times. People tell me that it takes a while to start working though so I will stick with it.

I've been enjoying work for the past 9 months and lately that has been getting me down aswell, hopefully that is a symptom of the anxiety and things wI'll go back to normal soon.
 
efcforever said:
Not having a good day today, struggling to concentrate and think clearly. Haven't been sleeping very well, I feel very tired in the evenings but struggle to settle down. Been on the Citalapram for nearly 3 weeks, feel like I have mood swings were I can start to feel very irratable at times. People tell me that it takes a while to start working though so I will stick with it.

I've been enjoying work for the past 9 months and lately that has been getting me down aswell, hopefully that is a symptom of the anxiety and things wI'll go back to normal soon.
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Give it another week mate, if you still feel the same, go back to the Docs.

It could be that the dose needs tweaking or that Citalapram isn't the right one for you.

Anti D's aren't an exact science and getting the one that's right for you could take a bit of time x
 
Would really like to recommend this youtube channel for anyone who feels trapped in their own head and stressing over things beyond their control like I've been doing. I randomly stumbled across it a few days ago but she's been a MASSIVE help, everything she says makes so much sense and helps me clean my brain out.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVHOBoWW_iZPexhtMX-uv8Q
 

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