Hey guys
Thought id share my story. Finding less and less people to talk to.
I have always had depression/anxiety and got diagnosed with ADHD at age 40.
I am married with two kids that have autism. I feel responsible for that as i feel my issues have led to them having their issues.
Anyway I have had a really rough 2026 personally due to an issue from the start of the year.
I changed jobs last year around June but at the old place I made a friend we had heaps in common like sports, music, sense of humour all that stuff. She was a lesbian which was fine because there was no romantic intent from my side, anyway we kept in touch as we both liked the same aussie footy team and she played football (soccer) and I would regularly pick her brain as I coach my boys' team, but generally we would chat on messenger send memes and catch up now and then. She was super supportive when i was going through a rough time at my old place and also as I have had some really tough times with the family. The boys hitting me, the wife not supporting me when I try to instill some discipline (i know they are autistic but I dont want them to not try to do the right things).
Anyway we met up at a pub near me just after new years we had a couple of drinks and as we were close to my house I invited her to meet the family and have some drinks at mine (totally innocent)in retrospect I think as it was the first time it was just us two maybe it felt inappropriate and maybe going to where the family was made it ok in my eyes (i dunno)
We talked and drank a lot, she was going through some issues with her partner (Girl) and was thinking of breaking it off.
Anyway near the end of the night she went outside to vape, I went with her just to keep talking and she turned around and kissed me. Yes, i kissed her back I saw her in a completely different light, then we walked back to the table (my wife was doing something else and wasnt around). She did mention something about meeting up at a hotel at some point and other racy comments.
Anyway she went home, i took a few days to wrestle with what happen, I had no idea of the whys and what fors. I really valued the friendship and at that point thought i could save the friendship i got in touch with her and she said she broke up with her GF. So at that point I really tried to give her space but in the meantime my head is spinning like mad, I was scared id lose a friend. So I tried a couple more times just to get an idea of why and try to process this. but all i got was I'm committing to the break up and i dont trust my feelings. Effectively blanked right.
Then I went to a colleague of the old place who is a friend of hers and was friendly with me (we kept in occasional touch) after i left. I told him what happened not to accuse or brag but for help to process this, i was pretty detailed only to give a truthful account of what happened. I asked him to keep it between us he said he would, but he told her. She hit the roof has blocked me totally cut me off. I asked him why he said something and he said he knew what happened and her version was different. He went back to her and she said to him none of that happened.
When she had a go at me before blocking she never mentioned I lied.
But at any rate I lost a good friend who i miss even 5 months later for something that wasnt my doing. I will never know why she did it in the first place or why i am so easy to mess with and discard.
I have told the wife so I have been above board. I doubt i would have gone through with meeting up with this other woman but the friendship meant a lot to me.
So sorry to hear that mate.
I totally concur with what
@coollino
You’ve got to ask yourself would she have done what she did if she hadn’t split up with her GF, I’d say the answer is probably no.
Her head was probably all over the place with the break up and mixing that with drink is never a good combination.
It sounds like outside of her GF, you were the next person she was the closest too, so she may have just been seeking closeness with another human being and her brain was switched off due to the alcohol.
Just because you were close to her as a friend it doesn’t necessarily mean you knew the “ real her “, which is shown by the way she’s cut you off dead.
A true friend would work it out and put it behind them.
It was only a snog ffs, I’d say that most of us over the years have had an “ inappropriate “ drunken snog with someone we shouldn’t have.
My missus proper best mate once came onto me big time years ago when she was drunk and my missus wasn’t there.
I’ve never told my missus, as it would destroy her relationship with her mate. I’ve never blanked her mate afterwards either, as it was what it was, a mad drunken moment. She was mortally embarrassed afterwards tbh and in private we still laugh about it.
I know this girl was your mate, but I’d say she needs time to sort her head out and if she gets back in touch once her heads back on, you’ll have your mate back. If not, move on.
You’ve got a hell a lot on your plate, without all this going on in the background.
You’re not the bad guy in all of this mate, so don’t beat yourself up.
