Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[LiamMadrid]

Hey man, I’ve just caught up on the thread and I’m sorry for all that you’ve been going through.

I’ve had some issues myself regarding anxiety over changes and stuff, and so naturally I’ve read a few self-help books and consider myself an expert in the matter now!

In my case, certainly, my issues arose from me projecting a “worst case” outcome whenever a potential change arose. In your case you might focus on being without somewhere to live, or ending up somewhere worse and more expensive, etc. Firstly you need to acknowledge that these are just *some* of *many* possible outcomes, and that there are just as many if not more scenarios in which everything is better once the dust settles.

As others have touched on, another good idea is to break it down into manageable chunks and deal with one at a time. “Tomorrow I’m gonna browse places to let and not stop until I’ve shortlisted 10/15/20”, etc. You’d be surprised at how one positive step in the right direction can change your whole mindset regarding the task at hand.

This one will sound cheesy and I still struggle, but I really urge you to look into mindfulness meditation. Set aside 3 mins to start with, before you get stuck into whatever your task for the day is, and just focus on nothing but your breath. If your mind wanders, just shake it off and refocus; don’t scald yourself for doing it wrong or failing or whatever. I can’t tell you how much this has helped when I feel like I’m really spiralling.

Finally, and again I know I’m parroting at least one other poster here but there’s so much good advice in this thread that it’s hard not to: Be cool to yourself, man. Progress throughout the next month, and life in general is never linear. You’ll set goals and occasionally you’ll drop the ball. Shake it off and get back in the saddle. You’re not wrong, bad, or a failure, you’ve just been put in a rough position and you’re puzzling it out as best you can.

Rooting for you mate. I look forward to your updates.

I think that forecasting this "worst case scenario" outcome gets worse the older you are because you have seen it all before. We really ought to try to shake it off and try to be positive. Good luck all

 

[LiamMadrid]

Thank you. I do imagine the worst in everything. I've been listening mindfulness stuff this past week. It's still new and seems a bit silly but I do know it will work. I just have to stick with it....

And stick with moving forward.

I think a lot of people are like that, financial insecurity is a major part of this I am convinced, unfortunately. Life can throw curve balls at us that will really derail us so we must just have the courage to get though the day and continue one day at a time.

 

[MrD]

I think a lot of people are like that, financial insecurity is a major part of this I am convinced, unfortunately. Life can throw curve balls at us that will really derail us so we must just have the courage to get though the day and continue one day at a time.

I agree mate, i also think money comes into it, both sides of life. It may not buy you happiness but it can keep a roof over your head and bills paid but that can be a massive burden and huge pressure.

 

[riddick]

If anyone has any advice or tips on lowering the anxiety, stopping the shakes and keeping a bit of a decent mindset I'm all ears.

I woke up and I can't stop shaking

Straight up, the coldest shower your shower can make. Anxiety is your mind racing and creating "worst case scenarios". Cold showers kind of short circuit that crap. It makes you not think about what the issues you are dealing with beause "water is [Poor language removed] cold!" shower. Does it work all the time? No. The fact that there is almost no strictly anxiety drugs is so [Poor language removed] bullshit because I would venture people who take anti-depressents are probably more than half anxiety.

 

[MrD]

Straight up, the coldest shower your shower can make. Anxiety is your mind racing and creating "worst case scenarios". Cold showers kind of short circuit that crap. It makes you not think about what the issues you are dealing with beause "water is [Poor language removed] cold!" shower. Does it work all the time? No. The fact that there is almost no strictly anxiety drugs is so [Poor language removed] bullshit because I would venture people who take anti-depressents are probably more than half anxiety.

Yeah, i've had people say to do something to shock your mind as it can act like a reset switch for a while. thanks mate

 

[Spotty]

There are psycho tropic medication used specifically for anxiety. Benzos such as Lorazapam etc. I would however like to allude to the cold shower "remedy" that's been mentioned by Riddick. I would never diminish the beneficial affects of "cold water immersion". There has been some research on the topic so what I would say is this. If you try it and it works for you, please continue because as I have said many times, mental illness is not objective for the person experiencing it, it's very subjective.

Take care all.

 

[Eggs]

…..very good piece on Sky News just now on a young man who ran the London Marathon on Sunday in support of mental health. Impressive bloke who lost his young brother to such an issue, hebruns a website called ‘Reasons to Stay’;

Home | Reasons To Stay

reasonstostay.org

 

[Billy Dean]

Feel terrible posting after what I have read above but here we go.

Been seeing a psychologist and a few other very well equipped people who deal with it all and i think i had already posted it, but the psychologist has described me and diagnosed me with complex ptsd which i think i mentioned previously. i dunno how i feel about it all, but sticking a label on it feels a bit more like closure to me, but they say its just the beginning, i have started something called EMDR and i pray it works. Not sure when i return to work but its not anytime soon.

Again, i am unbelievably fortunate i get private healthcare and i can feel my own anger at the privilege of this all around me, people, services, diagnoses - all whilst the NHS is dying on its arse. The irony is two of them i see are NHS doctors they also do foreigners for Bupa & Nuffield Health.

My Mum had EMDR for PTSD after witnessing her partner die of a heart attack. She only had positive things to say about how it helped her.

 

[Goodison87]

Straight up, the coldest shower your shower can make. Anxiety is your mind racing and creating "worst case scenarios". Cold showers kind of short circuit that crap. It makes you not think about what the issues you are dealing with beause "water is [Poor language removed] cold!" shower. Does it work all the time? No. The fact that there is almost no strictly anxiety drugs is so [Poor language removed] bullshit because I would venture people who take anti-depressents are probably more than half anxiety.

The cold showers are great advise for a fast reset, I quite often just wash my face in the sink with ice cold water and on the wrists for a quick couple of minutes, a fast mindset reset you might say but sure does break the racing thought cycle.

Muscle relaxation / breathing videos on YouTube are great for when you have more time to learn, you can use little mini snippets of these techniques when out and about and feeling “overwhelmed “.

I think any little tips of personal preference to make you feel more grounded are the foundations you can really build on and make day to day life much, much easier to navigate.

 

[Bryan+]

Straight up, the coldest shower your shower can make. Anxiety is your mind racing and creating "worst case scenarios". Cold showers kind of short circuit that crap. It makes you not think about what the issues you are dealing with beause "water is [Poor language removed] cold!" shower. Does it work all the time? No. The fact that there is almost no strictly anxiety drugs is so [Poor language removed] bullshit because I would venture people who take anti-depressents are probably more than half anxiety.

This is good advice regarding the cold showers. I’m not a cold shower bro etc but there is defo something about taking a steaming cold shower to invigorate your soul.

 

[Bryan+]

The cold showers are great advise for a fast reset, I quite often just wash my face in the sink with ice cold water and on the wrists for a quick couple of minutes, a fast mindset reset you might say but sure does break the racing thought cycle.

Muscle relaxation / breathing videos on YouTube are great for when you have more time to learn, you can use little mini snippets of these techniques when out and about and feeling “overwhelmed “.

I think any little tips of personal preference to make you feel more grounded are the foundations you can really build on and make day to day life much, much easier to navigate.

The ice on the wrist is a technique my therapist told me about as a way of preventing/breaking the dissociation I get. I don’t have ice cubes handy like but I totally get the theory.

 

[BullensRoad]

If anyone has any advice or tips on lowering the anxiety, stopping the shakes and keeping a bit of a decent mindset I'm all ears.

I woke up and I can't stop shaking

Hi mate, I had a similar issue and found caffeine was a major contributor. Sensitive to it.

Cut out coffee and even Diet Coke (only ever get the caffeine free if I do).

I know it may not be relevant and everyone is different but thought it was worth saying as it also helped a friend of mine who was a constant coffee drinker.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi mate, I had a similar issue and found caffeine was a major contributor. Sensitive to it.

Cut out coffee and even Diet Coke (only ever get the caffeine free if I do).

I know it may not be relevant and everyone is different but thought it was worth saying as it also helped a friend of mine who was a constant coffee drinker.

Completely agree with this, caffeine turbo charges anxiety, same as a hangover.

Decaf everything is the way to go.

 

[GN!]

Hey guys

Thought id share my story. Finding less and less people to talk to.

I have always had depression/anxiety and got diagnosed with ADHD at age 40.

I am married with two kids that have autism. I feel responsible for that as i feel my issues have led to them having their issues.

Anyway I have had a really rough 2026 personally due to an issue from the start of the year.

I changed jobs last year around June but at the old place I made a friend we had heaps in common like sports, music, sense of humour all that stuff. She was a lesbian which was fine because there was no romantic intent from my side, anyway we kept in touch as we both liked the same aussie footy team and she played football (soccer) and I would regularly pick her brain as I coach my boys' team, but generally we would chat on messenger send memes and catch up now and then. She was super supportive when i was going through a rough time at my old place and also as I have had some really tough times with the family. The boys hitting me, the wife not supporting me when I try to instill some discipline (i know they are autistic but I dont want them to not try to do the right things).

Anyway we met up at a pub near me just after new years we had a couple of drinks and as we were close to my house I invited her to meet the family and have some drinks at mine (totally innocent)in retrospect I think as it was the first time it was just us two maybe it felt inappropriate and maybe going to where the family was made it ok in my eyes (i dunno)

We talked and drank a lot, she was going through some issues with her partner (Girl) and was thinking of breaking it off.

Anyway near the end of the night she went outside to vape, I went with her just to keep talking and she turned around and kissed me. Yes, i kissed her back I saw her in a completely different light, then we walked back to the table (my wife was doing something else and wasnt around). She did mention something about meeting up at a hotel at some point and other racy comments.

Anyway she went home, i took a few days to wrestle with what happen, I had no idea of the whys and what fors. I really valued the friendship and at that point thought i could save the friendship i got in touch with her and she said she broke up with her GF. So at that point I really tried to give her space but in the meantime my head is spinning like mad, I was scared id lose a friend. So I tried a couple more times just to get an idea of why and try to process this. but all i got was I'm committing to the break up and i dont trust my feelings. Effectively blanked right.

Then I went to a colleague of the old place who is a friend of hers and was friendly with me (we kept in occasional touch) after i left. I told him what happened not to accuse or brag but for help to process this, i was pretty detailed only to give a truthful account of what happened. I asked him to keep it between us he said he would, but he told her. She hit the roof has blocked me totally cut me off. I asked him why he said something and he said he knew what happened and her version was different. He went back to her and she said to him none of that happened.

When she had a go at me before blocking she never mentioned I lied.

But at any rate I lost a good friend who i miss even 5 months later for something that wasnt my doing. I will never know why she did it in the first place or why i am so easy to mess with and discard.

I have told the wife so I have been above board. I doubt i would have gone through with meeting up with this other woman but the friendship meant a lot to me.

 

[coollino]

Hey guys

Thought id share my story. Finding less and less people to talk to.

I have always had depression/anxiety and got diagnosed with ADHD at age 40.

I am married with two kids that have autism. I feel responsible for that as i feel my issues have led to them having their issues.

Anyway I have had a really rough 2026 personally due to an issue from the start of the year.

I changed jobs last year around June but at the old place I made a friend we had heaps in common like sports, music, sense of humour all that stuff. She was a lesbian which was fine because there was no romantic intent from my side, anyway we kept in touch as we both liked the same aussie footy team and she played football (soccer) and I would regularly pick her brain as I coach my boys' team, but generally we would chat on messenger send memes and catch up now and then. She was super supportive when i was going through a rough time at my old place and also as I have had some really tough times with the family. The boys hitting me, the wife not supporting me when I try to instill some discipline (i know they are autistic but I dont want them to not try to do the right things).

Anyway we met up at a pub near me just after new years we had a couple of drinks and as we were close to my house I invited her to meet the family and have some drinks at mine (totally innocent)in retrospect I think as it was the first time it was just us two maybe it felt inappropriate and maybe going to where the family was made it ok in my eyes (i dunno)

We talked and drank a lot, she was going through some issues with her partner (Girl) and was thinking of breaking it off.

Anyway near the end of the night she went outside to vape, I went with her just to keep talking and she turned around and kissed me. Yes, i kissed her back I saw her in a completely different light, then we walked back to the table (my wife was doing something else and wasnt around). She did mention something about meeting up at a hotel at some point and other racy comments.

Anyway she went home, i took a few days to wrestle with what happen, I had no idea of the whys and what fors. I really valued the friendship and at that point thought i could save the friendship i got in touch with her and she said she broke up with her GF. So at that point I really tried to give her space but in the meantime my head is spinning like mad, I was scared id lose a friend. So I tried a couple more times just to get an idea of why and try to process this. but all i got was I'm committing to the break up and i dont trust my feelings. Effectively blanked right.

Then I went to a colleague of the old place who is a friend of hers and was friendly with me (we kept in occasional touch) after i left. I told him what happened not to accuse or brag but for help to process this, i was pretty detailed only to give a truthful account of what happened. I asked him to keep it between us he said he would, but he told her. She hit the roof has blocked me totally cut me off. I asked him why he said something and he said he knew what happened and her version was different. He went back to her and she said to him none of that happened.

When she had a go at me before blocking she never mentioned I lied.

But at any rate I lost a good friend who i miss even 5 months later for something that wasnt my doing. I will never know why she did it in the first place or why i am so easy to mess with and discard.

I have told the wife so I have been above board. I doubt i would have gone through with meeting up with this other woman but the friendship meant a lot to me.

I had a pretty similar situation, although she didn't know I had a gf and we didn't do anything as I told her. It was pretty much fine at the time, we got on fairly well afterwards still but was a little bit awkward. I did start wondering if I felt the same way too but luckily I moved on from that pretty quickly

Then around a year later at a work party , she came up to me and said something like 'i think you misunderstood what I said to you, probably my use of language (she isn't English) and I am with someone'

I said I was happy for her but there is no need to lie, it was very clear what was said and it doesn't matter as she didn't know I had a gf (I talk a lot of crap at work but never much about my private life to the odd few)

And now we don't talk or even acknowledge eachother if we walk near etc. it's a real shame as we got on well, and it's a bit weird when we're in a group of people and we're clearly not talking when we did loads before but unfortunately that's the way it seems to go.

If she knew you were married, which it sounds as if she did, it was a bit of a dick move from her. As much as I was confused as to why the girl I am talking about denied it, I saw that denial is one of the main stages of rejection so it may be a pretty common way of trying to deal with it

But unfortunately your friendship has probably gone