Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Deleted member 28206]

Yes she knows. They all know and have been supportive and said all the right things. I have two options really.

1, try and get some sort of universal credit thing set up which can help me get a place to stay albeit probably a dive.

Do this first. Get some sort of money coming in whilst you look for a job, plus any courses you can get enrolled in. It may feel like you are doing loads at once but you’ll need a lot of opportunities. One will come in for you!

Then try to cope with living alone with nothing while coming to terms with all this as well as the huge changes I have to make. I'm just worried being alone as I have no friends at all here, will keep me in a bad state of mind.
Staying in North Wales is close to my little girl.

If you go back a few pages through my posts, I posted almost identical words to this and I promise you it gets easier! I cried myself to sleep on a cold sofa in a tiny expensive flat for a week after I moved out.

Staying close to your little girl. Right now is probably your priority and that’s understandable. But a little family support whilst you get on your feet will put you both in good stead whilst you get something permanent both in work and home?

Or...

2, stay at my mum's for a while until I get better etc but my mum won't let me be. She will be on me all the time putting pressure on me which I'm sure you all think is a good thing as it will keep me focused.

You’ve answered your own question here, but there are two bits of me thinking (and you’ve alluded to it above) about taking ownership of your life and actions, if you are at your mum will she support you in cracking on so to speak? Or will it be cuddles and chips and dinosaur shapes for dinner?

I'll have tension with my mum because of that, she is very set In her ways and her house is boring as anything but at least it's a home and I won't be alone.
Moving to Liverpool for a bit is about 80 minutes away from my little girl.

At least you’ll have something for a short while until you are rehoused. You will be a priority too, having a mental health issue and a dependent will ensure you get *something* relatively quickly 80mins, only a train ride away mate. It’s difficult right now it’s something you aren’t used to, right now you will get a lot of that — get used to new stuff

Honestly, adjusting is the hardest part.

Pros and cons everywhere

I know a few others have responded after me
Sorry, I’ve been out.

I’ve answered inline above

 

[Deleted member 28206]

I’m also happy to help out if I can @MrD and am happy to chat via DM

Same. Don’t wanna overwhelm you with *internet weirdos offering to help, but a written chat is often a welcome way to get your head clear.

*Do not exchange messages with @Bungle

 

[Frang]

Yes she knows. They all know and have been supportive and said all the right things. I have two options really.

1, try and get some sort of universal credit thing set up which can help me get a place to stay albeit probably a dive.

Then try to cope with living alone with nothing while coming to terms with all this as well as the huge changes I have to make. I'm just worried being alone as I have no friends at all here, will keep me in a bad state of mind.
Staying in North Wales is close to my little girl.

Or...

2, stay at my mum's for a while until I get better etc but my mum won't let me be. She will be on me all the time putting pressure on me which I'm sure you all think is a good thing as it will keep me focused.

I'll have tension with my mum because of that, she is very set In her ways and her house is boring as anything but at least it's a home and I won't be alone.
Moving to Liverpool for a bit is about 80 minutes away from my little girl.

Pros and cons everywhere

I lost my own flat over Christmas and have had to move back to parents place..

It's been buddy hard going I'm not going to lie but with my under lying mh issues it was probly for the best that I actually had people around me at a dark time...

 

[MrD]

Mr.D, no one will laugh at u here mate. We post on here as we have all been through the mill to one extent or another. I'm guessing u half expecting people to say 'get a grip' etc, people on here generally know that doesn't help. If I told most people my anxieties they would probably laugh at me but they scare the s$%t out of me. It's all relative. Anxiety/depression/stress is debilitating and clearly so in your case.
Doesn't mean u cant change things though. As u will see in these posts, things can be turned around. Set your self small, realistic targets and start building on them. Get on the right meds and access Cbt through your Gp. Good luck fella.
.

You need to do what`s best for you mate and follow the path that leads to you getting better / getting your life back.

Could you`re daughter not come to stay with you at the weekends if you decided to go back to your mums ?

I appreciate that this may not be possible due to her mum.

We deffo aint strong L. We have just all been in similar situations. And we recognise a lad we all were.

Helpful and supportive I will grant you. You reach out, this amazing community will do their best to be a weird online mate.

I’m also happy to help out if I can @MrD and am happy to chat via DM

I know a few others have responded after me
Sorry, I’ve been out.

I’ve answered inline above

Same. Don’t wanna overwhelm you with *internet weirdos offering to help, but a written chat is often a welcome way to get your head clear.

*Do not exchange messages with @Bungle

I lost my own flat over Christmas and have had to move back to parents place..

It's been buddy hard going I'm not going to lie but with my under lying mh issues it was probly for the best that I actually had people around me at a dark time...

Honestly what is wrong with you lot? This is the internet. You're supposed to laugh and you're supposed to take the piss.

Lovely place this. I'm crying because it's lovely.

@Bryan mum will support me and say the right things but isn't the type of woman to give you space. It'll be breadcrumcbed unicorns and waffles for tea yes, but it'll also be lots of "you're not sitting there moping in my house" a hell of a lot.

@COYBL25 I could suggest taking my girl with me for the weekend, it's just the back and forth dropping her back off and the cost of petrol and that. Not sure. I'll ask though.

 

[AmericasToffee]

Honestly what is wrong with you lot? This is the internet. You're supposed to laugh and you're supposed to take the piss.

Lovely place this. I'm crying because it's lovely.

@Bryan mum will support me and say the right things but isn't the type of woman to give you space. It'll be breadcrumcbed unicorns and waffles for tea yes, but it'll also be lots of "you're not sitting there moping in my house" a hell of a lot.

@COYBL25 I could suggest taking my girl with me for the weekend, it's just the back and forth dropping her back off and the cost of petrol and that. Not sure. I'll ask though.

Might be needed. Sometimes we need a kick in arse like a car sometimes needs a boost. You'll get there.

 

[LydiateLee]

Honestly what is wrong with you lot? This is the internet. You're supposed to laugh and you're supposed to take the piss.

Lovely place this. I'm crying because it's lovely.

@Bryan[/USER[B]] mum will support me and say the right things but isn't the type of woman to give you space. It'll be breadcrumcbed unicorns and waffles for tea yes, but it'll also be lots of "you're not sitting there moping in my house" a hell of a lot.[/B]

[USER=8087]@COYBL25 I could suggest taking my girl with me for the weekend, it's just the back and forth dropping her back off and the cost of petrol and that. Not sure. I'll ask though.

Mate is this really such a bad thing? Someone who loves you and nudges you towards getting out and about. My mum is very much the same and, as much as it can be a ball ache at the time, her approach did me the world of good long term.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Mate is this really such a bad thing? Someone who loves you and nudges you towards getting out and about. My mum is very much the same and, as much as it can be a ball ache at the time, her approach did me the world of good long term.

Don’t wanna speak for
@MrD but maybe it’s a bit much too soon to have the “get yaself together” shot at ya head daily. I know when it happened to me I didn’t wanna share anything with anyone.

Might be just me tho

 

[MrD]

Going back to stay with my mum for a few months may be the easier option but it's still not ideal.

Finding my own place and starting from the bottom could give me the kick I need but it could also overwhelm me a little. Especially when I'm sat alone at night .

Also, as much as I want to be with my little girl I don't want to become convenient for my ex so I can always have the baby while she works or whatever. That could happen if I'm close.

I just can't figure out which way to go. I was thinking mums for a bit, ask her for a couple of weeks of leeway then I can look for work or whatever. God I don't know.

Everything is just so daunting and shocking to me. It's so immediate.

 

[Toffee-nerd]

Nothing. Hidden, and watched my life pass me by while destroying my partner's life.
Leeching off her you could say. Not in a money grabbing way, she knew how I was i just wouldn't take the next step. Just fell into this way of life.

Feel ashamed for me, call me names and talk amongst your mates about the guy who hasn't worked for so long.

I'm properly ashamed of it. I quit my job in 2002 and done bits and bobs for a few years earning a few quid here and there. But no job job since 2002, so 17 years not 18.

This is why I'm struggling with the thought I used my depression and anxiety as an excuse to just exist and do nothing. I did suffer for a long time, it's not just laziness. I was bad I just never seemed to follow anything up.

Time races. I despise myself. Feel free to laugh at me. Nothing is an excuse. I done what I done whether it was sever depression or just a bit of denial or whatever. I wish I could go back and change it but I can't. I should have at the time though and now it's all gone wrong.

Totally my own fault.

Think I've said too.much. don't want to become a laughing stock.

Mate nobody in here is gonna be laughing at you. You're being too harsh on yourself, things havent gone as you would want and no doubt you've stuffed up but every single human being has done that in life. Try and take what you're feeling now and use it to motivate you to be better in the future. You aren't happy with yourself now so change it, set a target for today, tomorrow, next week and stick to them. You are blaming yourself a lot which is good in a way, you're taking responsibility but try be kind to yourself as well. Whatever you feel about yourself now, remember you aren't the worst human being in the world, youve got a daughter who will idolize you no doubt, so try be kind on yourself. What's done is done, all you can do now is make your life the best you can, nothing is easy though and it will take time but if you set little goals it will help.

I was in a bad way a few years ago with depression, struggled to get out of bed for long periods. Was really down like really really down after I split up with my ex, thought I'd lost it all and I'd never get back on track but I sort of realised I needed to give myself a kick up the arse and stop waiting to feeling better and try and make myself feel better. I started setting an alarm for 5am each morning and force myself to go for a walk. Some days a long walk, some days I'd just walk for 20 minutes and sit on a bench near where I lived and watch the sun come up. It took a few weeks but I did start feeling better and it gives you something to get up and get moving for that's not for anyone else, or for work it's just for you. It sort of set me up for the day as well. Give it a try if you can, my age itll work. Do have a kook into some volunteering if you can, it will keep you out of the house and give you a distraction from your own thoughts. If you're an animal lover I cant recommend getting in touch with a local rescue center enough. If I can sort myself out mate, no reason you cant, you've just got to get started.

 

[Toffee-nerd]

Going back to stay with my mum for a few months may be the easier option but it's still not ideal.

Finding my own place and starting from the bottom could give me the kick I need but it could also overwhelm me a little. Especially when I'm sat alone at night .

Also, as much as I want to be with my little girl I don't want to become convenient for my ex so I can always have the baby while she works or whatever. That could happen if I'm close.

I just can't figure out which way to go. I was thinking mums for a bit, ask her for a couple of weeks of leeway then I can look for work or whatever. God I don't know.

Everything is just so daunting and shocking to me. It's so immediate.

Ask your ma first, see what she thinks as well mate, nothing wrong with asking the ones who love you for a bit of advice and help when you need it.

 

[Minimeister]

I know everything that I hearing from you all is true. At this moment now, Im 41. Haven't worked for 18 years. I have no money, no job and no anything so the positivity is lost on me.

I'm mortally ashamed of that. I buried my head for 18 years, not 1, 3 or 4 years. 18.

I don't have a single friend. I don't have savings or a job to start me off. I have zero apart from BluRays and DVDs, a few [Poor language removed] clothes and that's it.

I could move back with my mum but we clash and it's about 90 minutes away from my.little girl.

The reality that I have to find a way to stay around here by her and live in some utter hellhole of a bedsit if I can get one or go to my mum's and at least be in a nice house but we clash. Either way is grim. Especially at 41, I should have a career, halfway through a mortgage and be a real man.

I want a job, I do, I want to be better I want to be a good dad. I want my little family back with my two special women.

I'm in total shock and I am struggling. It's embarrassing.

What do you want to do mate? If you could be somewhere in 12 months time then what would it be doing? There is help and support out there so once you know where you want to go you can try and plan a way to get there. Just thinking about different stuff like that might help. I went 8 years without a job and even now the only friends I have are through work. Once you're on your journey absolutely no-one will see you as you see yourself now, but at someone who is trying to change. All big companies now have to hire so many apprentices and most I have seen in the NHS have been in their 30's or 40's and looking to start somewhere so you are not alone. Good luck mate.

 

[MrD]

At the moment 12 months time seems just impossible. In a year I'd love to be back home with my ex and little girl but I know it won't happen.

I don't know where I want to be. Happy and better than I am now. Working obviously.

I'm not looking forward to the day when I find out or see that my ex has a new fella. He will be everything I'm not. It's already hurting me.

Sorry to keep moaning. I am trying.

 

[Nymzee]

At the moment 12 months time seems just impossible. In a year I'd love to be back home with my ex and little girl but I know it won't happen.

I don't know where I want to be. Happy and better than I am now. Working obviously.

I'm not looking forward to the day when I find out or see that my ex has a new fella. He will be everything I'm now. It's already hurting me.

Sorry to keep moaning. I am trying.

Just think about your little girl mate, she’ll never replace you as her dad, you’ll always be that. You need to try to be the best possible father and example to her as she’s growing up. Use the thought of making her happy (and thus making your ex happy) as a motivator when you’re getting back on your feet.

I don’t know if you use them but also maybe just come off social media altogether as it can be hard to watch friends and family be happy, or other parents be happy, when you’re not feeling great.

 

[MrD]

Just think about your little girl mate, she’ll never replace you as her dad, you’ll always be that. You need to try to be the best possible father and example to her as she’s growing up. Use the thought of making her happy (and thus making your ex happy) as a motivator when you’re getting back on your feet.

I don’t know if you use them but also maybe just come off social media altogether as it can be hard to watch friends and family be happy, or other parents be happy, when you’re not feeling great.

I'll always be her dad yes, it's just living with the knowledge I ruined her being together with her mum and dad. And I do worry that any new fella on the horizon will be awesome and I'll suddenly become the dad she doesn't want to come and see.

I don't use social media, I'm on Facebook but I rarely use it but yeah, it is tough to see how life carries on the same while my life is crumbling.

For anyone who doesn't think it's odd but, when I go back to mums I'm sure I'll have bad days. If I need a shoulder to cry on I may ask for one. I may also need a kick in the backside too.

 

[Nymzee]

I don't use social media, I'm on Facebook but I rarely use it but yeah, it is tough to see how life carries on the same while my life is crumbling.

For anyone who doesn't think it's odd but, when I go back to mums I'm sure I'll have bad days. If I need a shoulder to cry on I may ask for one. I may also need a kick in the backside too.

Your mum is your mum no matter how old you are pal. No shame in it. I still give my mum a cuddle when I visit and I’m nearing 30.