Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Deleted member 28206]

I suffer badly from anxiety and i lost my nan a couple months back. She was taken to hospital feeling ill. My whole family were away on holiday and i had to deal with the first couple of days on my own with no one to talk to. Within 4 days she had died which was hard to take. I thought anxiety and depression would be horrendous after. Don't get me wrong i was in pieces, i had lost my closet grandparent however my depression and anxiety has almost faded slightly. I've dealt with a situation i never thought i could and i feel stronger minded for it. I dont think my anxiety will ever go away completely but i certainly deal with it a lot better.

Same thing happened to me mate, ever wanna chat PM me.

 

[dano195]

Give 'the debate' on skysports a watch. Episode that was aired on the 7th. They do a section on mental health with content that could be helpful to those struggling.

 

[SiEdmo]

Hi All,

Just following up on a previous post I did around my family and stuff earlier this year, just wondered if anyone had any advice for a good but crap situation I have found myself in, any thoughts at all will help, feel free to play devils advocate as well.

So, long story short, I fell our with my family last xmas, haven't spoke to them since, Mum is a bipolar manic depressive who doesn't want to medicate/get better, turned my whole family against me (well my wife and by extension me) as she just doesn't like her, created a load of lies to try and drive her away, not anticipating that I was clearly going to side with my wife and not her like she wanted. (made up lies about my wife saying things like she doesn't like my brother/his GF, my aunty, uncle, their kids, etc etc (none of it was true)

Everyone in the family sided with my mum, (think they are scared of being on her wrong side, I'm not, I don't live there)

In the time we haven't been speaking, my 30th birthday has came and went in April (nothing from them, not even a card), and the miscarriage of our first baby in May.

Fast forward to now, and my wife is coming up on 5 months pregnant (we got straight back to it after the miscarriage), with a little boy (future blue nose, poor sod)

Now it all seems very real and like its all going to go well this time, I have started worrying about my family.

I'm in the "well if they don't want to know me/my wife, they don't get to know my son" camp right now, but I am tearing apart from the inside about it all

Has anyone been through any similar situations, or any thoughts on it? I just think talking it out with like minded peeps would help me

Thanks in advance all

 

[SiEdmo]

I suffer badly from anxiety and i lost my nan a couple months back. She was taken to hospital feeling ill. My whole family were away on holiday and i had to deal with the first couple of days on my own with no one to talk to. Within 4 days she had died which was hard to take. I thought anxiety and depression would be horrendous after. Don't get me wrong i was in pieces, i had lost my closet grandparent however my depression and anxiety has almost faded slightly. I've dealt with a situation i never thought i could and i feel stronger minded for it. I dont think my anxiety will ever go away completely but i certainly deal with it a lot better.

Well done mate, its amazing what strength can be found in situations where it seems like none is available, sure she would have been proud, good on you lad

 

[SiEdmo]

Condolences mate, when someone we love dies, it tends to strip back all the stuff which doesn't really matter, and leave us with the important stuff. I'm sure your nan would be very proud of you.

Life can be tough at times, but, from every negative, there's normally a positive. Next time anxiety is wrapping itself round you, have a think back to this time in life, and remember how you coped. You're likely stronger than you think you are.

spot on this, huge strength can be gained from a time of apparent weakness or inability to cope, we are amazing creatures in that way

 

[SiEdmo]

Hello mate. Sorry to hear about your situation. Anxiety is a horrible thing. Have u tried being involved in any other sports (non contact)? As @GwladysBlue says, you sound like u need a channel for your frustration/angst. Getting to a gym and pushing myself to the limit does wonders for me! That won't suit everyone but it could be running yourself ragged on a squash court, getting out on a bike etc. as human beings I firmly believe we are designed to push ourselves to the max regularly (think hunter gatherers legging after their intended dinner!!) the endorphins from this are a powerful thing. After my own experience with severe anxiety I believe it's cyclical, u feel crap/stressed/on edge, u don't want to venture out, u hide away and the feelings get worse. Getting myself fit helped me a lot. I hope this doesn't come across as downplaying your situation, u sound in a bad place. Keep ur chin up brother.

I can vouch that sticking it all over a punch bag can do wonders as well, if contact is out of the equation

 

[DannyEvo]

Has anyone tried these Kalms tablets? Some type of natural lavender extract or something.

I suffer with slight anxiety, so been thinking about giving these a try but I don't want to dive into something I may rely on.

Plus, they have been plastered all over posters etc so I'm unsure...

 

[SiEdmo]

Has anyone tried these Kalms tablets? Some type of natural lavender extract or something.

I suffer with slight anxiety, so been thinking about giving these a try but I don't want to dive into something I may rely on.

Plus, they have been plastered all over posters etc so I'm unsure...

my Mrs has had them before said they are ok but not great, ive personally found CBD oil (you can also get tablets) to be a fantastic product for this time of situation, its basically the legal version of weed, without the high, as its simply the calming/brain repairing side of it

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Hello mate. Sorry to hear about your situation. Anxiety is a horrible thing. Have u tried being involved in any other sports (non contact)? As @GwladysBlue says, you sound like u need a channel for your frustration/angst. Getting to a gym and pushing myself to the limit does wonders for me! That won't suit everyone but it could be running yourself ragged on a squash court, getting out on a bike etc. as human beings I firmly believe we are designed to push ourselves to the max regularly (think hunter gatherers legging after their intended dinner!!) the endorphins from this are a powerful thing. After my own experience with severe anxiety I believe it's cyclical, u feel crap/stressed/on edge, u don't want to venture out, u hide away and the feelings get worse. Getting myself fit helped me a lot. I hope this doesn't come across as downplaying your situation, u sound in a bad place. Keep ur chin up brother.

Fantastic advice.

 

[COYBL25]

Hi All,

Just following up on a previous post I did around my family and stuff earlier this year, just wondered if anyone had any advice for a good but crap situation I have found myself in, any thoughts at all will help, feel free to play devils advocate as well.

So, long story short, I fell our with my family last xmas, haven't spoke to them since, Mum is a bipolar manic depressive who doesn't want to medicate/get better, turned my whole family against me (well my wife and by extension me) as she just doesn't like her, created a load of lies to try and drive her away, not anticipating that I was clearly going to side with my wife and not her like she wanted. (made up lies about my wife saying things like she doesn't like my brother/his GF, my aunty, uncle, their kids, etc etc (none of it was true)

Everyone in the family sided with my mum, (think they are scared of being on her wrong side, I'm not, I don't live there)

In the time we haven't been speaking, my 30th birthday has came and went in April (nothing from them, not even a card), and the miscarriage of our first baby in May.

Fast forward to now, and my wife is coming up on 5 months pregnant (we got straight back to it after the miscarriage), with a little boy (future blue nose, poor sod)

Now it all seems very real and like its all going to go well this time, I have started worrying about my family.

I'm in the "well if they don't want to know me/my wife, they don't get to know my son" camp right now, but I am tearing apart from the inside about it all

Has anyone been through any similar situations, or any thoughts on it? I just think talking it out with like minded peeps would help me

Thanks in advance all

Hi mate,

I have similar situation with my younger sister on a smaller scale.

I haven't spoken to her for well over five years now and probably will never speak to her again.

This is despite the fact that her daughter is the same age as my eldest lad and they go to the same school.

She's manipulative and uses an " illness " as a tool to get what she wants.

In my opinion she's not physically unwell, but rather she's learnt over the years that if she pretends to be ill, everyone dances around her and she gets what she wants. It also means she avoids having to work. ( undiagnosed mental illness )

She is particularly clever at manipulating my mum and dad, which disgusts me, as she claims to be unable to work due to her make believe illness and cutting a long story short, after many years on disablity, got kicked off, as they quite rightly saw through her.

My parents support her financially to an extent and she sees nothing wrong with this.

Me and an Aunt ( my mums sister ) called her out years ago and put my parents straight.

Guess what, she became that " ill " due to the stress of being called out, that she took to her bed for a month !!!!!!

She also said some really bad stuff about my lad and my Aunt, which was her way at deflecting what she'd said.

She's done her level best to get my parents to have nothing to do with me and my family since - it hasn't worked, as although they enable her, they know the truth deep down.

You're mum is like my sister mate, she's selfish and manipulative. This is bourne out by her unwillingness to take her meds, despite knowing the consequences of not taking them.

I'd wager, that she's always got her own way in the past and no one has ever stood up to her.

Take it from me, the rest of your family know the truth about her.

It almost sounds to me like she's jealous that you're wife has taken her boy away.

As much as it hurts mate, you've done the right thning, cutting her off, but you need find away to be with the rest of your family behind her back.

I know she's your mum, but your loyalty has to lie with your misuss, even more so after you lost your first baby and with another thankfully on the way.

What she has done / is doing is inexcusable and you shouldn't feel guilty in anyway mate.

 

[SiEdmo]

Hi mate,

I have similar situation with my younger sister on a smaller scale.

I haven't spoken to her for well over five years now and probably will never speak to her again.

This is despite the fact that her daughter is the same age as my eldest lad and they go to the same school.

She's manipulative and uses an " illness " as a tool to get what she wants.

In my opinion she's not physically unwell, but rather she's learnt over the years that if she pretends to be ill, everyone dances around her and she gets what she wants. It also means she avoids having to work. ( undiagnosed mental illness )

She is particularly clever at manipulating my mum and dad, which disgusts me, as she claims to be unable to work due to her make believe illness and cutting a long story short, after many years on disablity, got kicked off, as they quite rightly saw through her.

My parents support her financially to an extent and she sees nothing wrong with this.

Me and an Aunt ( my mums sister ) called her out years ago and put my parents straight.

Guess what, she became that " ill " due to the stress of being called out, that she took to her bed for a month !!!!!!

She also said some really bad stuff about my lad and my Aunt, which was her way at deflecting what she'd said.

She's done her level best to get my parents to have nothing to do with me and my family since - it hasn't worked, as although they enable her, they know the truth deep down.

You're mum is like my sister mate, she's selfish and manipulative. This is bourne out by her unwillingness to take her meds, despite knowing the consequences of not taking them.

I'd wager, that she's always got her own way in the past and no one has ever stood up to her.

Take it from me, the rest of your family know the truth about her.

It almost sounds to me like she's jealous that you're wife has taken her boy away.

As much as it hurts mate, you've done the right thning, cutting her off, but you need find away to be with the rest of your family behind her back.

I know she's your mum, but your loyalty has to lie with your misuss, even more so after you lost your first baby and with another thankfully on the way.

What she has done / is doing is inexcusable and you shouldn't feel guilty in anyway mate.

you know what mate, that all rings so true, nightmare of a situation for you as well, at least you are still speaking to some of the family though

and your correct, she was the bullying older sister of two kids, always got her way and made my aunties life hell if she didn't
and the "taking her boy away" is also probably true

she is very controlling, and loves to feel like she is needed (and makes sure you know it), and I think what has always got her about me, is I left home and made my life from 18 with no input from her, ive never needed anything from her, and boy has she not liked that

my nan and granddad are long gone, and I feel if they were not they would have kicked her ass over the whole thing

the only thing that saddens me over it is my younger brother has literally not contacted me since either, so I just wonder what she has told them when I have not been around to disprove it as lies,

11 months and some change down the line I just don't know how to try and make contact with him or whatever, a family member I still speak to (cousin) said my brother saw me and I blanked him (I didn't see him, he saw me, so who blanked who?) and when I messaged my brother to say "I didn't see you, please don't think I blanked you, I don't have a problem with you" I received no response

fortunately my wife's parents are divorced and have new husbands/wives, so not like my son is going to have a shortage of grandparents anyway haha

 

[COYBL25]

you know what mate, that all rings so true, nightmare of a situation for you as well, at least you are still speaking to some of the family though

and your correct, she was the bullying older sister of two kids, always got her way and made my aunties life hell if she didn't
and the "taking her boy away" is also probably true

she is very controlling, and loves to feel like she is needed (and makes sure you know it), and I think what has always got her about me, is I left home and made my life from 18 with no input from her, ive never needed anything from her, and boy has she not liked that

my nan and granddad are long gone, and I feel if they were not they would have kicked her ass over the whole thing

the only thing that saddens me over it is my younger brother has literally not contacted me since either, so I just wonder what she has told them when I have not been around to disprove it as lies,

11 months and some change down the line I just don't know how to try and make contact with him or whatever, a family member I still speak to (cousin) said my brother saw me and I blanked him (I didn't see him, he saw me, so who blanked who?) and when I messaged my brother to say "I didn't see you, please don't think I blanked you, I don't have a problem with you" I received no response

fortunately my wife's parents are divorced and have new husbands/wives, so not like my son is going to have a shortage of grandparents anyway haha

It's all about damage limitation mate.

If you were speaking to her, she'd try to take complete control once your child was born, as she'd use it as an opportunity to marginalise your wife.

It's up to her to make it up to you and your missus, if she wants to see her new grandchild.

As for your brother, what else can you do, you made the first move and he chose to ignore it.

You can choose your mates, but not your family.

Your duty lies with your wife and unborn child mate, simple as that.

 

[SiEdmo]

It's all about damage limitation mate.

If you were speaking to her, she'd try to take complete control once your child was born, as she'd use it as an opportunity to marginalise your wife.

It's up to her to make it up to you and your missus, if she wants to see her new grandchild.

As for your brother, what else can you do, you made the first move and he chose to ignore it.

You can choose your mates, but not your family.

Your duty lies with your wife and unborn child mate, simple as that.

thanks mate, very much appreciated, makes me feel better than an impartial observer thinks I am going about everything the right way, and yeah you are right, she would try and take control, and think we need her, just how she likes it

love this site, we may all bicker on occasions, but some top top people about on here! glad to be a part of it

 

[COYBL25]

thanks mate, very much appreciated, makes me feel better than an impartial observer thinks I am going about everything the right way, and yeah you are right, she would try and take control, and think we need her, just how she likes it

love this site, we may all bicker on occasions, but some top top people about on here! glad to be a part of it

It's horrible when your emotionally blackmailed like this, but your mum crossed a line there mate and it's up to her to repair the damage. Just because she's your mum, doesn't mean can say and do what she wants.

 

[SiEdmo]

It's horrible when your emotionally blackmailed like this, but your mum crossed a line there mate and it's up to her to repair the damage. Just because she's your mum, doesn't mean can say and do what she wants.

the only worrying thing is, I think she believes her own lies categorically

and in absentia (wahey don't get a chance to use that often) I am unsure how many people believe them too

end up with a brick wall where both sides think they are right